If only i could live

Live without this thoughts

This pain

This loneliness

This feeling that everything is fake

If only I could laugh without crying hours later

If only I could dance without feeling the ground beneath opening up to swallow me whole

If only I could feel free like the birds flying in the blue sky above

If only I could run and just feel the wind in my hair as it is flowing in the air

If only I could just feel the movement’s in my body and not the thoughts in my head

If only I could live like the people around me

If only I could be happy like the children playing in the sand

If only I could go back in time

To the time where I didn’t know this version of me

Long before I knew about how flowers bloom and cars run

Before I knew history and religion

Before I knew how people fight, and how people kill just for fun

Before I knew how lies could hurt and hate destroyed

Before I knew how snow was made and how many planets there are

Before I knew the world I would grow in

Before I knew the feeling of hate, loneliness, anxiety and fear

Before I knew how your eyes hurt when you are tired

Before I knew the darkness by heart

If only I could never have heard the things that is said

If only I could live

If only…