She’s smiling

And laughing

Her friend cracked a joke

She’s quick with her tongue, that one

So with her words she builds and builds.

She’s weird, she’s wild!

They say live in the moment,

They say that she’s the definition,

So fun, so spontaneous,

And I watch her,

With her blue eyes

And her bouncy curls.

I watch her like I’m in the ceiling,

Because even in a daydream,

I can’t face my face.

I watch her like I’m in a movie,

Like at any moment I could call cut and rewind and change things,

Like there’s all the time in the world.

They say live in the moment.

I live in the movies.

I’m never more alive then when I’m someone else.

So every now and then I come back to it,

And I ask myself what it means to be alive.

What it means to have meaning

What it means to be happy.

I’m sure I’m happy.

I’m sure my body is pumping endorphins into my brain.

I’m sure I’ll leave a mark some day.

I’m sure that all my mistakes will be overshadowed by one great thing.

And they’ll say,

Wow,

She had a great life.

And I will look down and ask them,

Was I even alive?