I’m upside down. Hanging off my bed. Looking at my childhood room. 2 walls green and 2 walls pink. The pink comforter piled up and my butterfly picture flying off the wall.

Suddenly , 4 walls yellow.

I’m still upside down but my pink comforter has become a Paris one and my butterfly picture is no longer there. Carpet floors and a $20 pink rug. My Harry Potter dress hanging in my closet and my hamster on my dresser.

Suddenly, I’m not hanging upside down anymore.

I have a loft bed now. I crawl down to lay on the floor and stare at my ceiling, trying to be upside down again. But it’s not working. The carpet itches and my comforter is gone and I can hear my parents through the floor.

So, I leave for a week.

I come back to no carpet and my bed moved. I lay on my dirty pink rug and eat icing out of the container and pudding out of the container u til my stomach hurt. It was hurting already so icing wouldn’t hurt it anymore. The white light shining on the anime posters and the yellow walls. Too bright. Too bright against my black beanbag and black winter coat and black beanie with headphones in the sides. Although, I didn’t need music anymore. I couldn’t hear anything through the floors. Because my mom had left.

Walls blue and blue carpet and gray dresser and gray wardrobe and black desk. I can still hear my parents. But…it’s not my dad. It’s my grandma. And they aren’t arguing about their relationship. It’s about me.

Back in my yellow room I don’t have to worry. The room is silent. My shirt is too small and my pants are too small. Numb. Black beanbag and black winter coat and black beanie with music in the sides.

Then, my walls became purple.

I got guinea pigs. I got rid of my pink rug and my posters. I replaced them with papers and pictures till there was no room left on my wall. Led lights and a new white rug. I thought change would make it better, but it didn’t. The walls were still blue with blue carpet and gray dresser and gray wardrobe and black desk. I can still hear them talking about me.

Summertime at the pool. Under the water. I can’t see anything. I don’t know what color the walls are and I can’t hear anything. There is no one talking about me. There’s nothing. Silence.

I wake up in my purple room.

Apples and fries. But there’s someone new. He’s small and can’t talk but he makes such a huge difference. The purple walls are brighter and everything seems to fit in place. My floors are hardwood and my hair is growing out. Computer in front of me with 12 hours a week. Everything seems so right but so wrong. I still have water in my eyes and nose.

Then, there’s another new person.

They shake me up a little and get some water out. And another. So many people until I only have that uncomfortable feeling that there’s still water in my ears. My walls are still purple and covered in pictures but my loft bed is gone and my white rug is gone and the waters almost gone.

Maybe pink walls were all I needed to fully get the water out of my ears.