Panic bubbles up inside me. Raw, uncontrolled terror. My heart heaves and my throat screams like every breath is a struggle. My eyes glaze over and white noise blares in my ears. I’m trembling from head to toe and cold sweats pour down my neck and back in voluminous waves. It feels like a sensory overload, like the panic in my mind is enough to make every cell in my body spark and jump and overreact.

But the worst of it all is the voices. Voices fighting over which should be louder. Voices that are all in my head. Voices that are my own jumbled thoughts. A string of rushing nonsense that races around my mind, words like-

need to hide whats happening i think the world is spinning whats going on need to hide why am i like this what if they find me why is my head cloudy need to hide too many voices im tired im scared im worthless all hope is lost i need help no i dont need help need to hide please stop talking why cant i breathe whats wrong with me am i crazy need to hide dont cry dont cry you idiot i want to curl up and die everything is spinning- “dami~” -whats happening to me why is everyone shouting im not ok why cant everything just stop life is hopeless- “dami…” -need to hide i want to curl up im useless life is meaningless shut up shut up shut up- “dami.” -why are you crying im such an idiot- “Dami.” -why am i like this- “Dami!”

My head shoots up. Tears are pouring down my face like a waterfall and I can barely l see through them but that voice…

That voice isn’t mine.

Someone rushes up to me and wraps me in their arms. I don’t know who it is until his scent wafts up my nose. The scent of roasted vanilla with a tint of hazelnut.

Kester.

He wraps me in his arms as I sob. Why does he have to see me like this? At my lowest possible point? It takes me a moment to realize I’m not the only one shaking.

My heartbeat slows down and the sweat decreases. His scent and his warmth comfort me, puling me out of my panic and back into the world I hate. The world that keeps triggering me. The world that causes me nothing but panic.