Hey.

I’ve been staring at this blank page long enough, I just can’t put what I want to say into words. You fill my mind every chance you get whether it’s intentional or not.

I don’t even know what I want to say to you. It’s kind of funny how I’ve been thinking of you for months, had dreams where you were back with me, and randomly think about everything we did together. Yet when I finally write the thoughts down, maybe to just stop them looping in my head, they all disappear and I have nothing to say.

I knew I shouldn’t have left you, you told me to stay in touch and I did. Every. Single. Day. I messaged you, talked to you, we sent pictures, videos, talked for hours. Then you just stopped. You hypocrite. I messaged you multiple times this year and I’ve been left on delivered since last Christmas. Last Christmas Day.

And I don’t like Christmas, yet I yearn for this one to come closer, just so I have an excuse to message you. A simple ‘merry Christmas’ maybe even a ‘<3’ we used to sign every message off with that. I’m counting the days until I have that reason to just message you. And if you don’t read it, I’ll take it as a message you just didn’t send and I’ll try to forget about you. It will have been a year and a year is enough.

I met you when we first started secondary, I stood up for you when our friend group fell out with you and I lost all of them because of it. But it didn’t stop me from loving you. I had to leave after a few years because that school couldn’t support me, I was at the very end and you were the only reason I was still here, the only reason I am still here. But I had to leave before I couldn’t hold on to you any more.

I’m better now. I’m at a new school, they support me, I have friends (none as good as you). But I miss you that damn much I’m considering finishing my exams and going back to the school I first met you just to see you again, no matter what it does to my head.

I’m sorry. I’m probably exaggerating. Old friends have told me you are happy, so I’m happy.

Goodbye for now.