Promise you won’t laugh at me

when I tell you how pathetic I am

when I tell you how horrible I think it is

this life I mean

if I even make sense

trying to describe my feelings

the feelings which just grow and grow

and don’t fall out to my mouth

just stay in my head

so promise you won’t laugh at me

when I tell you how horrible I think I am

how I am afraid to hurt

even though I always hurt

because of myself

because of my pinball feelings

which either shoot out my mouth

or stay in my head- and multiply into

a million feelings and emotions

so promise you won’t laugh at me

when I tell you how I feel like a pin doll

pins stuck in my heart

pins stuck in my arms

pins stuck in my brain

which cause blood

and when the pins move

dragging across my skin

that they cause bloody scars

how I feel like my whole body is in pins

and how I feel like a puppet

just made for design

not made to understand and keep other people’s feelings

not made to fix people’s problems

just made to cause myself more problems

sticking more pins in me

so please

promise you won’t laugh