(This is my story and my essay I turned into my school. This may be taken down but I beg that it’s not)

Alone, again, sitting on the cold metal bench after trying to communicate. As always, my friends ignored me no matter how loud I was. After two years of middle school, I was done with it. Done with neglect, blank stares, and my friend’s problems. It got so bad that I wanted to die. It consumed me by the second like a rock fall in water. However, my fears and common sense held me back. Nothing bad happened and I never inflicted any pain. Every lunch I would smile and every recess I would listen. The complaints, selfishness, and problems each one had. I gave advice or was there for comfort, but when I tried to voice my struggles, I got nothing. I tried but in return I got no sympathy, eye contact, or morsel of anything to see if they cared. Just the blank stare and deafening silence. Their excuse, “I don’t know how to deal with feelings.” All I was asking for was recognition. Nevertheless, I kept walking around the same circle used as a trauma trashcan. As a result, I left class to go to my counselor to relive a few my problems. Fortunately, a glass filled to the brim with emotions had to spill and the last day of school was when it did.

            With clouded vision and a stinging throat, I lifted myself up from the bench. When I approached my counselor, the other teachers stepped away as I dragged her to her office. Finally, I did what I banned myself from doing. As small broken sounds erupted, one by one, I started to sob. Instead of blank stares I got recognition. “Good job, you’re crying.” I was shocked, she was proud of me. I started laughing, I never thought my meltdown would end well. Together we talked about how I was going to get out of this school.

            I got home and I told my mom I wanted to switch schools. So, I did, and it was magical. I was free with new friends and no expectations. Quickly I found my reason to live. I removed myself from negativity and was happy. Slowly I started to value myself and heal. Finally, I went back and told my counselor, who was now a licensed therapist, about my mental state the two years before.

I found out that I have severe anxiety and social anxiety. I used the recommended skills and managed it with my friends and family. I had finally found peace in a whirlpool of doubt. I promised myself that I would never be treated the way my old friends treated me. I set my priorities and will abide by them.

Spending those two years in that middle school taught me how to deal with the varieties of people I encounter today. I learned self-acceptance and boundaries that I consider when something negative happens. The quote that sums up the outcome of my adventure is, “Strength is a matter of a made-up mind” – John Beecher. Which means that a strong and positive mindset can get you through more than you know. Now I will never let anyone lead my life again.