I wish I could talk to you like I want.

I wish I could share all the gay jokes that crack me up at 2 am

When I’m tossing and turning because human interaction scares the shit out of me

And I know I’ve got school tomorrow

So I should probably get some sleep

But I’ve got homework that I forgot to do

Yet I’m definitely not going to go do it

(2 am, hello?)

And having an anxiety attack alone in the dark will solve everything

Right?

I wish I could ask you how it feels to be a girl

Because I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean

And I’m not sure there’s a word for whatever I am

But my anxiety and OCD and whatever the fuck is wired wrong in my brain wants a word to define me

In a neat little box that tells me how to live my life

Yet my whole life has been about breaking out of the boxes other people put me in

But all I want is to find my own box where it’s safe

So could you just please help me talk this through

Cause I deserve to at least not be alone

Right?

I wish I could lean on my “best friend”

But she’s homophobic and transphobic and would definitely drop me like a hot stone if she knew what I was struggling with

Although it’s not okay for me to be angry with her

Because at least she still talks to me

Unlike everyone else I’ve ever opened to

So I can’t be picky about whether or not my friends hate who I am

Cause it’s a miracle I have friends at all who put up with my bullshit

Right?

I wish I could say how much I need you to be there for me

But every single time I ask that of someone

They say “Yes, of course, you mean the world to me”

And then leave me crying on my bedroom floor

But honestly it was probably all my fault

Because that’s what they told me when they left

And I still swear they were decent people

So clearly I’m the problem

Right?

If wishes fell like rain, then certainly I am a storm.