“How Hard Can It Be?”

My first day was flying by. I couldn’t believe it was already noon! I was the new hire at Patrick’s Pet Spa, where my duties including giving all haircuts and baths to some of the cutest little dogs and cats I had ever seen. Although I didn’t have any experience in this field I was confident I would excel here. I was now halfway through my first day and I already felt like I had gotten the hang of it. I waltzed into the break room, glowing with confidence and excitement. My boss Patrick was seated, enjoying a bagel when he noticed me. “Heyyyy there’s our new star groomer!” He chuckled set down his snack. “How’s your first day goin?! I heard they had you workin on Sparky?! Mrs. Jones loves that dog, he’s a real rascal!” Patrick was awesome, he made me feel at home right away. “It’s goin great!!” I exclaimed as I gave him two thumbs up with my blood soaked hands. “So where do we put the bodies?” I asked Patrick. “…..bodies?” He asked. I clarified, “Like when we are done with the dogs, where do we throw the pieces out?” I had just been flushing them down the toilet but I wanted to make sure I was properly doing my job. It’s important not to develop bad habits at work. “Jesus Christ….” Patrick seemed upset which confused me. I suddenly felt sick and vomited onto the floor. “IS THAT A FUCKING CAT?!” Patrick screamed hysterically. I had eaten a cat earlier which I thought was normal but judging by my boss’ reaction it seemed as though I had made a mistake. “Did I do it wrong?” I asked, I felt my face go red with embarrassment. Patrick began to vomit uncontrollably like a copy-cat but his barf had no cats in it. I crawled into the cupboard and hoped they didn’t see me. They immediately dragged me out of the cupboard and violently beat me. They slammed my head in the freezer door atleast 75 times and held my fingers in the toaster. Patrick began squeezing my ass and grinding his teeth together. He tried to speak but due to his clenched jaw I couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. It was obvious it was dirty talk though. The job description said that it was a friendly environment but as I sat there with a broken skull and a finger in my ass I had my doubts. We climaxed in unison and embraced as the sun set. “I shouldn’t have eaten that cat” I admitted as I rested my head on Patrick’s chest. “It’s ok” he assured me as he stroked his fingers through my hair. “I shouldn’t have killed Sparky” I mumbled. “It’s ok” repeated the wildly naked Patrick. I had finally found my soulmate.

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