To my creator, the one person who was supposed to love me, what did I do wrong? I tried my best, I did all you asked and yet it was never enough. You tell me ‘it’s all your fault that pathetic man left!’ And ‘if you weren’t such a nuisance..’ I hate you. No, I despise you. I want you to suffer.

Yesterday, I did something.. I was angry and I’m mad at myself for it. I yelled at my best friend and called her annoying. Why? Why did I do that? Then it hit me.. and it stung. I am turning into my mother. I am turning into the monster I hate with a passion. I’ve apologised nearly 50 times now. I can’t believe I acted like her… the thing that I hate the most, I acted like it.

Genes. That’s usually the answer, right? I’m related to her so.. now I’m trying my hardest to not be anything like her. I watch my tone and what I say and my actions. I’m watching myself like a hawk.

I’m scared.

I’m scared I’m going to push everyone away..