“Mum, dad, thanks for coming round.” David made sure his tea was finished before he dropped the big news. He thought telling his folks at his house would be best: familiar wallpaper gives strength. “I’ve got something to tell you. You might not like it but I feel I need this in my life”. Dad looked concerned. Mum looked intrigued and concerned. “What is it son?” said Dad. David spoke clearly and slowly, with an attempt at calmness: “I want to change my name to Mugsy Balone”. Silence. The torn bit of wallpaper behind the radiator in the lounge felt very awkward. “Mugsy Balone? What do you mean?” asked dad. “We’ll it’s like Bugsy Malone, but I’ve swapped the first letters round.” “For fucks sake……” said mum. “I had Antiques Roadshow to watch today. You are a daft bugger.” Dad was energised: “Since when have you started saying ‘bugger’? David was upset: “That’s not the main point at this moment is it? Look, I just feel the name you gave me wasn’t cutting it. I haven’t had a promotion in years and my dating profile on-line is as dull as ditch water. A great name would just make me stand out, give me an opening in conversation, you know?” Mum replied in a calm way: “You are a baft dugger.” Dad observed: “Full moon tonight. This all happened under stars”. THE END.