I would be anything for you,

Zain, if only I could be another person.

-

Huddled at her desk in the middle of the night,

sketching up a storm worth living through,

if I was her, maybe I’d have a chance.

if I was her, maybe I would be worth befriending too.

Scrolling through her camera roll endlessly,

smiling and giggling at the memories,

if I was her, maybe I’d be happy.

if I was her, maybe I wouldn’t have as much worries.

The MVP on the team, she gets them the most points,

she’s the leader who isn’t afraid.

if I was her, maybe I’d think differently,

if I was her, maybe I wouldn’t be gripping a double edge blade,

with no one on the other side.

if I was her, and I didn’t people please,

what would become of my mind?

Every day I’m already struggling

with the voices in my head that convince me it’s better to hide.

If I was a different person,

maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about the ticking in my head.

If I was a different girl,

maybe I could see a different light,

not always thinking about how I could turn up dead.

If I was a different person,

maybe they would be my friends.

But, alas, I’m the monster in the mirror,

and we all know how this ends.

-

double edge blade thing is NOT a reference to yk what. It’s simply how everyone is in defense mode, especially when they’re stuck in their minds, and usually people use their “blades” (words spoken in anger) towards other people but I don’t. It’s part of my social anxiety. I can never get angry at my friends because I don’t want them to think less of me.