⚠️ TW: suicide ⚠️

Do you remember the first time we saw the butterfly? Fluttering past the hospital window, with you on my chest for the first time…

It was blue like the sky, like the ocean, like your eyes

You might not have remembered then, but I know you remember now.

We saw it for a second time, at the little park just down the street

A few years later, you were swinging high, pumping your little feet

It flew right past you in a cerulean blur, leaving you behind it

Blonde hair falling in your face, you swore someday you’d find it.

Ten years past, dropping you off at your first day of high school, good ol’ freshman year

Mascara, lip gloss, blush and liner—you’re an entirely new person, I fear

I watch you climb out of the car and you spot the butterfly of deepest blue

But your friends wave you over, all of them makeuped too

You run over to them, squealing and excited, the butterfly and I forgotten.

Sometimes the butterfly comes to visit me, since I never see you anymore

I feel as if it’s encapsulated your spirit somehow from years of being outside closed doors

I smile sadly, fondly, wistfully as I look back on the time we had—all those years

Even then, I can’t find a way to stop the tears.

Your freshman year is as good as gone in the blink of an eye

You’re off to summer camp with those friends of yours, leaving me with the butterfly

I find solace in its company even though it feels as if you’ve left me for good this time

You never call, your dad doesn’t either, and I’m left alone, left behind.

I close my eyes, lost in thought, the years of you becoming a haze

When I get a call from your camp, words of sorrow, eyes washed with glaze

“There was an accident,” they said, “I’m sorry,” they said

My little baby girl was dead.

Time is lost to me, so is hope; I’m running out of ways to cope

Every minute equivalent to an hour; grief is bitter, grief is sour

I don’t know what to do with myself except to go and get you flowers.

I set the bundle on the stone, withering and cold

It’s already been a few years, I’ve grown gray and old

They said “time is of the essence,” but to me they lied

No one could’ve saved you even if they would’ve tried

When I lost you, I lost myself to a hole way deep inside

I sold them to the devil, every shriveled tear I cried

There is nothing left for me here, save the butterfly

But even then, she’s broken, worn down by cruel time

I lay her on your grave, a final resting place

With you she died and now I know that you will both be safe

So I can leave, I can be free after being trapped for so long

As a final word, I stand up, humming the melody of our favorite song

Knowing that if you were here you’d be singing along

I clutch my coat tight as I can, still murmuring the verse

Pull the gun out of my pocket, eager to break my curse

With steady hands I bring it to the side of my head

Filled with peace—no remorse or a single ounce of dread

With you in mind and the gun shining under light of the moon

I smile sadly and whisper, “I’m coming baby. I’ll see you soon.”

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A/N: First off, if you made it this far thank you so much for reading the whole thing! It took me two hours to write and perfect this piece for you guys. I would love feedback if you have any, I’m here to improve my writing! Thank yall so much 💕