swallow your feelings until they are gone, she had told me. suppress the emotions until you feel nothing at all. bear the pain until it becomes invisible. that’s how this world works. I’ve tried and tried, but it’s just not how I work. I can’t take it anymore. so I decide the time is now. I run, as fast as I can, sprinting down the road and taking a left and not stopping for miles and miles until I reach him. our eyes meet, and I remember to finally breathe.

hidden deep in my heart, my feelings are in a cage, banging on the bars to be let out. so I toss them the key. I run to his arms and lather my tongue against his skin. I press my lips to the veins looking like they are about to burst from his neck. I put my mouth on his chest, sucking in every inch, trying to commit his body to memory. I open my eyes as a take a quick breather and realize what I’ve done. he’s looking at me like I’ve unleashed some sort of monster.

guilt makes me shrivel and step away, turning from him, not letting him see the tears welling in my eyes. no. I must not cry. I must not love. I must not feel. I’m sorry, I start to whisper, but I feel something on the strap of my backless dress. I whip around, and can see the fire in his eyes. it’s not just me, is it? he feels this too. I’m overwhelmed with joy and ecstasy as he pulls me closer, hands on my thigh and in my hair, lips on my skin, chest up against mine. if this is love, why is it so wrong? I see the smirk on his face when I moan as he pushes up against my body, electricity running through my veins. nothing can stop us now.