Happy

Poetry

It was that last day of school today.

I should feel something… right?

Not this awful numbness.

The really sad thing is,

Today was a great day.

The entire time at school,

I was smiles and joy.

I have a great (BETTER than great) girlfriend,

And my life is…

Actually going well.

So what’s wrong with me?

What happened?

I want to scream at the world,

“What did you do wrong?

What happened to make _me_?”

More than that, though,

I want to scream at myself,

“_Why are you never satisfied?_”

I have everything anyone could want.

Yet I’m still like this.

I have no reason to feel this way.

I don’t deserve the good things I have,

And I don’t deserve to be upset over the bad.

So what the frick is wrong with me?

Why does every single thing I do hurt?

Why can’t I…

Why can’t I just be happy?

Comments 14

XOXO, Zain 🩵

3 months ago

I relate to this ❤️‍🩹

Mia

3 months ago

The last day of school for me was. . . A lot like this. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t really know why. School is the one place where I look around and see what I’ll never have. But I was sad to see it go. And I get that. I yell at myself, telling myself I’m selfish because I have things that others don’t and yet I’m sulking around.

It’ll get better I’m sure. We’ll both realize one day that we’re happy. Even if we don’t know it yet. And by the way, I’m still so happy for you!!! Every time you mention you have a girlfriend I start freaking out inside. Like I’m just so happy for you!!!!!!!! She’s lucky to have you, you’re amazing!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️😊☺️

Jewelie Rain

3 months ago

I get this. It is easy to focus on the negative. Sadly, for many, it is what is most familiar, so happiness or positive emotions are foreign and the unfamiliar is uncomfortable. But there is nothing wrong with you. I think recognizing that you are numb in happy moments is a good step in the right direction since you are in tune with how you feel and can see the disconnect to how you feel like you should feel vs how you actually feel. It is also great that you can see what is going well in your life. It is a long and complicated process of living. 🫶🏼🖤

Kallian.

3 months ago

I cried on the last day. I was happy all day too but it’s just the company that I’ll lack over summer. I know how you feel and you do experience happy moments. No one is truly always happy n

Caralia🫶🏼

3 months ago

Nothing’s wrong with you girl. The thing about happiness- no one’s always happy. Happiness comes in moments, little pieces. Scattered everywhere. It’s something you think you see on other people’s faces but it’s not always real.

You’ve gone through a lot this year, and sometimes when things start going well again, your brain is wired to recognize all the negatives and stay sad. My brain is like that too, and it sucks, but it’s not anything to feel ashamed about. It takes a lot of steps to get there, and the fact that your acknowledging the great day at school you had and the great (or as you said- BETTER than great lol) girlfriend you have, that’s a step in the right direction. You’re going to get there, just hang in there. Keep being you. Sometimes, it’s okay to let yourself slip. Because knowing you, you will get up. Like you said in your poem called “Survivor”, you’re a true survivor. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Lysalei

She/her. I love books, music, and all things involving escaping reality. I usually write poems, but sometimes come up with a story.