01 - 01 - 1997

every day seems to go by just the exact same. nothing seems to change, and its always just as slow as before.

i will wake up, i will (not) eat, and i will just wait. i will. be so lonely.

i know people love me, and i love everyone too. but sometimes, i truly believe i am the loneliest person in the world.

01 - 13 - 1997

sometimes, i will get really angry. and i will want to cry, all of these negative feelings all bundled up, coming out in an raging fire of hate. and sadness, i wish i could say it was more of the sadness.

i get angry, sure i do, but i always feel sad. it seems like nothing can change that.

01 - 22 - 1997

i imagine the future, and it is me, working as a college professor somewhere in italy.

i am happy

i am free

but i cant imagine the part where i try to get better.

i cant imagine when i finally feel free

i cant imagine when i'll finally be happy

02 - 05 - 1997

i met someone.

hes strange, in a way. hes really funny. and hes easy to talk to.

most people, if not all, are difficult to talk to. to me at least.

but hes - easy. he makes me feel good about myself.

02 - 10 - 1997

this guy, has made me feel weird lately. i feel happier, but i know that i cant be happier because of him. my happiness shouldnt come from a relationship. it should be because im trying to get better and im trying to be happier with myself and everything else.

i dont know. i dont understand.

but, i like him. i really, really like him.

he makes me feel a little bit better.

03 - 01 - 1997

so much, has changed. i feel completely different. i feel - happy. i dont know. i still feel this little melancholy somewhere inside me, but, and i have no idea how, i've managed to slightly deal with it.

im scared, for when this will end, i know it will. this happens - all the time.

it will be over soon, i know it.

03 - 03 - 1997

i still- feel happy. im not miserable yet.

03 - 04 - 1997

i jinxed it. i know i did. this is all my fault. i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate my self i hate myself i hate myself !!

03 - 08 - 1997

i dont think i can keep going like this. i cant. i cant do this anymore.

03 - 09 - 1997

im back in this cycle again. everything being the same. every. single. day.

the worst part is, i knew it wouldn't last. i knew it would be over before i even knew it happened, before i knew i was feeling a little bit better, just snatched all of that away.