01/01/2025 Dear Diary,

Today started one of the most important days of my life. It was my first day at the elite university, Rysdale Tech. And boy did it exceed my expectations. As someone who missed the orientation and only looked at the brochure, the word “Tech” is an understatement. Turns out the school has a rank based system. I haven’t the slightest idea what it’s for yet.

01/02/2025 Dear Diary,

I have now found out that i am at the bottom of the board. I have no idea how to climb it nor what is so great about being at the top. Every time I ask someone they shoo me away or avoid the question.

01/07/2025 Dear Diary,

Good news, I found found out how to rise in ranks. Bad news, I now where the school’s morgue is.

01/16/2025 Dear Diary,

Today I met top rank in my segment. She’s frightening and looks strong. She carries herself with the confidence of a thousand men against an infant. I don’t understand how such a successful school could be so treacherous on the inside. Before she left, she posed a question. “Would you do anything to die?” What’s at the top? And why is it so important to get there?

01/25/2025 Dear Diary,

I can’t leave. The doors don’t open, they are barred shut. There is no way out. The hairs on the back of my neck itch. They are watching me. They are ALWAYS watching me. Why me? What did I do? Who is “they”? How did I manage to get myself in this position.

02/17/2025 Dear Diary,

I am now the top of my segment. She is gone. Where has she gone is a mystery. All I know is she is not here. I am not supposed to be here, she is. This spot belongs to her. So why… why am I in it?

02/24/2025

I have been here long enough to bear the fruits of my labor. The road to the top is a long one. But that is not the question. Is it worth it trying to get to the top. Or am I comfortable where I am. Would I do anything to live? Or would I do anything to die.

1 - 20 - 24 Dear Diary, Today was great! I got an A on a test, scored 3 goals in P.E (Of course Simona scored the rest) And had a wonderful dinner! My mood today has been so happy, With no **change **whatsoever. I hope it stays that way!

2 - 2 -24 Dear Diary, Today was okay. I got a B on a test, scored a goal in P.E (And Simona scored the rest,) But someone also called me depressed. Is it because of the clothes I wear? The way I act? I should change.

2 - 31 - 24 Dear Diary, Today sucked. I bombed a test with Mrs Lizz, got hit in P.E (By Simona, who hates me because I called her ugly even though she is, that bitch) And someone actually pinned me down In the hallway, so now I have An ugly bruise on my face. I’ve been wearing my signature frown lately, And Mom says I should try to Change that to a smile. I said no.

3 - 9 - 24 Dear Diary, Diaries are childish. My body is changing,

And so is my brain. I think diaries Are for challenged people. I am not challenged. It doesn’t matter anyway. Nobody cares. Nobody cares if I have cuts on my arms Nobody cares if I have finger bruises on my neck. I’ve changed,

But nobody cares.

4 - 1 - 24 I’m committing tonight. I’ve changed my mind. Life is not worth living.

September 24th

Can't believe I'm actually doing it! Today marks the start of my journey through the North Shore of Minnesota. I've dreamt of thru hiking the superior hiking trail for as long as I could remember and now I finally doing it. I am jumping on the trail in Jay Cooke State Park today and I will track my journey through this journal. I am hoping to complete this trip in 3-4 weeks. Joining me on this trip is my lovely Fiancé Natalie.

September 25th

First day of hiking was magical. We had a solid day of hiking, covering 14 miles. The leaves are just starting to change and is just a taste of what we will see in the coming weeks. First night was pretty good, Natalie struggles with sleeping in a tent sometimes, she is hoping this journey will help her overcome her fear a bit. I only had to check for bears outside of the tent once for her last night. Thankfully she brought her earplugs.

September 30th

We have made it through Duluth! The views leading down into Duluth were amazing. Pretty incredible to see the views of lake superior. Especially in the morning with the sun rising up over the lake and the city. We stopped to see Natalies family in Duluth and restock on supplies. Now we are off to continue the journey.

October 3rd

We saw a bear! And Natalie didnt freak out (too much haha). As we were hiking along the roaring rivers and waterfalls a black bear came across the trail in front of us. Didn't have any interest in us and once we made some noise it immediately ran away. I think this interaction defiantly lowered Natalie's anxiety a little bit towards the wildlife.

October 5th

We came across some abandoned bags on the trail today. They looked completely stocked up for a thru hike. There was a scratch mark on one of the bags. There was no blood or anything else around but we couldnt find the owner of the bags. Just when Natalie was starting to feel more comfortable this has made her wary again. Told her they probably just snuck off to skinny dip in a swimming hole somewhere and that maybe we should do the same. :)

October 7th

We have found some hiking partners! One night we camped with a lovely couple from Toronto who are here thru hiking as well. Jack and his wife (her name is also natalie!), were super welcoming when we arrived at the campsite. We had a wonderful night sharing the campfire with them. We had lots in common I thought and was fun to talk. Natalie (my natalie) was kind of quiet and told me she got weird vibes from the couple later when we were in the tent but I thought they were a lovely couple.

October 9th

Decided to take a touristy day today we we reached lutsen mountain. After weeks of hiking we are tired and decided a relaxing day riding the gondola and enjoying some wine at the local winery would help reset us for the last chunk of our journey. Jack and Natalie decided to take the day with us. I think my Nat (going to call her this for now on as not to get confused with the other natalie) is starting to warm up to them. Natalie is a super cool girl and we actually have a lot in common. We grew up in the same town!

October 11th

Nat has been in a weird mood recently. Not sure if she is getting burnt out adn ready to be done. But she has been short with me and doesnt seem to be enjoying herself. We got into an argument because I did mushrooms with natalie and jack, she doesn't want me doing that with strangers in the woods. But it was a magical night and nothing bad happened! Nat is weary of drugs. She was also mad because there were lots of strange noises outside the tent tonight and I didnt hear them (I was still out of it). Nat said it was coming from their tent (chanting, gurgling noises) but I said she was just hearing things.

October 12th

Jack and Natalie are gone. We woke up the next morning and all of their stuff was gone. Nat seems happy to see them go but I am confused it was very abrupt and we had a great night before. Nat is starting to get on my nerves a bit, she keeps harping on the couple instead of just enjoying the journey.

October 13th

Weird day today. We only have a few days left, but natalie and I had another big argument last night. Maybe doing this wasnt such a good idea, a little too much out of her comfort zone. Trying to enjoy the last bit of our journey though and take in the beauty.

October 14th

Another abandoned bag. Not just any bag, but Jacks bag. The same scratch mark on it. But this time we see blood drips leading away from the bag. I sprinted after the blood, as Nat yelled at me to stop. But I had to see if Natalie was hurt. Couldnt find Natalie or her bag. We need to contact the authorities but it is getting dark and we ahve no coverage. Hoping it was nothing we set camp for the night adn we will call the police in the morning.

October 14th, Night

Nat is gone! I woke up in the middle of the night and she is nowwhere to be found. I have been calling her name for hours and am running around the trails looking for her.

October 15th

I was able to contact the police this morning and they are on there way to me. We are in the most remote part of the trail so they will be here in a couple hours. Why would Nat leave like that? What is going on?

I found Nats bag....same mark on it. I know I should wait for the police but I am going to find her.

I've stumbled upon something. It looks like natalie in a cave. I was walking and heard voices I hid behind a rock and now I can see into a cave. Trying to remain calm. I see natalie and four other people. She is the only one standing. I recognize Nat and Jack, but dont recognize the other couple (they must be the other bags that were left). They are all bounded and gagged on the ground. Natalie is chanting and appears to be holding a large knife. I have to be careful with this. I am going to attempt to save them from whatever this is. I leave this journal here in case I dont make it back. Weird scent of flowers in the air.

October 16th

Can't wait for the final day of our journey! I woke up with a pounding headache this morning, must have been a bit too much wine last night. Also, came across some park rangers on the trail looking for some missing hikers, we told them we hadn't seen anything. Hope they are okay! Unfortunly my journal was lost last night as were hiking through. Nat (sorry Natalie, dont know why I wrote Nat) said i must have dropped it. Either way I remember this journey well enough I can recount it all later! Natalie is in a great mood today, not sure why I was ever annoyed with her. As we reach the end of our journey, I cant believe we did it, what a magical journey. This trip was everything I wanted. My one regret is that we didn't find any trail buddies along the way. Sharing the trail for a few days with a another couple would have been amazing but oh well. Here to the next adventure.

Happy trails from me and Natalie!

(forgot to press but open to feedback!!)

Dear Diary,

There’s this boy, and he had no idea I was in love with him.

Dear, Journal hi. my mom got me this journal and suggested it’s good for “memories” but i want to be VERY clear it’s not a diary, it’s a JOURNAL!

I’ve been best friends with him ever since preschool, I went to his house once and met his rats, their names were Mikey and John.

i guess, i’ll just start writing now.. it’s been hard, after the break up, dealing with everyone’s pity. i’d prefer to be left alone..

I usually see him during theatre practice and band, but we just exchange looks, he doesn’t really notice me.

it was hard.. really hard.. she was the first, well.. no not the first girl i’ve ever loved. but she was still important.

I wonder if he remembers our playdate from preschool, I know it was a while ago, but it was fun and I miss that innocence, y’know?

i just have to keep looking forwards you know? focus on what the heck i’m doing with my life, keep looking toward what i can do to make things better.

I wonder if he ever thinks about childhood, ever since we got into middle school and he met Brynn. We kind of grew(ish) apart.. maybe.. i dunno. It’s complicated.

i wish i had more friends to rely on.. i mean, i kind of screwed up a really good friendship with my childhood best friend Mia. we don’t talk that much anymore. we stopped talking after i met Brynn..

I don’t really have many friends nowadays. I keep to myself, I still do a lot of things I loved doing as a kid. Like horseback riding, fishing…. baking. Good to just stick with what you know right?

she was just so focused on the past, and wanted to keep things the way they were. i think she’s afraid to grow up and face the real world. i wish i could help her and show her it’s not all that bad but, you know.. you can’t change people. trust me, after my hellish break up i definitely know that implications of that now.

Ethan focused on the future a lot, he got to grow up with a lot of friends. I started to lose friends after I started to keep to myself too much. People just lost interest in me I guess. Like, he knew what college he wanted to go to in middle school for gods sake! I could never. That would stress me out too much.

sometimes i want to talk to her, sometimes i do miss her.. but y’know life moves on. and i have a future to look forward to and plans to put into reality. looking back is just a time waster. i think Mia did that too much. she wanted to stay the same and she really feared change. after her mom left her the word ‘change’ sort of became a curse to her. i was there for her the best i could be, i mean i was a kid i am a kid and i tried. really hard. but the longer i spent with her the deeper the rabbit hole became. i mean, when i lost my dad all i wanted to do was run. run as far away as i could get, and i did. and i’m happy now.

sure, i don’t have as many friends as i’d like, but it’s leading to a steady job and future. so… it’s more than i could ever dream for. i might not have as many memories to put up on my wall or show my kids but at least we’ll have a house and food.. and water.

I have millions of photos of us. My dad is nagging me to go through them. He says I keep too many things and I’m becoming a hoarder lol. So I’m planning to donate some clothes and get rid of some pictures I don’t need. Which will be hard. Memories are so important, they give me life.. Itd so important to document your life and always have the ability to look back on good memories. Sometimes my dad says I need to put my camera down, because I’m “ruining the moment” but the moment doesn’t exist until I capture it! Right?

i have a lot of anxiety, that really doesn’t go away.. but i’ll figure that out later… but some part of me longs for a day where I dont have to think… i can just be there, y’know? maybe that sounds stupid. idk

I wish I could do more things.. and enjoy them first.. Try more things and just be present.

i still think about Mia sometimes wonder what she would say to me what type of advice she would give me, maybe i wouldn’t be as scrambled.. but y’know that friendship is over.. it’s the past.

I wonder if he still thinks about me. I miss him. I hope he knows I’m proud of him. I watch him silently on social media sometimes, all his accolades and awards he’s getting are so amazing. I miss being his friend. I miss childhood.

i miss her, sometimes.. i haven’t seen her in forever… i think writing this is the first time i’ve actually thought about her in years.. i hope she’s okay now.. i hope her dad is good.. oh well but y’know life moves on nothing you can do about it.

thanks for listening i guess. maybe this will be useful for future me to look back on someday.. FARR in the future.

Well, that’s all I have to write today. Thanks for listening. :) I’m doing a lot better than I was at 17 so.. that’s an accomplishment! I guess.

bye! — Ethan

See you soon — Mia

(Amy) Dear diary, I know it’s been a while, but I’m totally back. I moved out of moms house she was a total drunk so I moved in with dad.  I’m finally getting settled in at dad’s house. I think I’m going to like it here. (John) Diary, I don’t know why mom got me this stupid thing. She says I need to manage my anger better. Well, this is making me angry bye. (Kiki) Dear diary, This year gonna be good girl. We finna get drunk, and we fucking all the boys. I cant wait to fuck Eric I heard he got a big dick. (Amy) Dear diary, So, dad like totally has a new girlfriend and he didn’t tell me and she’s kind of a bitch. She totally told me not to walk on the grass, like it’s my dad’s grass ugh. (John) Diary, I hate you mom, your such a bitch! How dare you take my fucking phone and tell me to get a job! You get another job bitch. (Kiki) Dear diary, I kissed Darrick in the boys bathroom today it was lame and his breath stank ick. I tried to put my hand down his pants but he stopped me he must got a lil one. (Amy) Dear diary, I’m having like the worst day of my life! Totally after school I stepped in like some mud, in my totally brand-new Gucci Signoria’s those were like thousand-dollar shoes, totally trash. Then I like get home totally barefoot by the way and this lady like tells me to take the trash out, as if. Like you take it out, she totally pours it all over my bed. Those were like totally my first Vittoria Collection 2,500 hundred dollars, totally trash. Like I’m not staying here anymore, I’m totally calling my boyfriend and like I’m leaving. (John) Diary, I fucked up, I really fucked up bad. No she deserved it yea she deserved it. She should have tried to take my PlayStation and I wouldn’t have hit her, yea. And when she yelled at me to stop, I blacked out. I didn’t even know I beat her with a bat so that’s not my fault. I’m going to call the cops and tell them someone broke in and beat her unconscious, and broke both of her legs, and smashed her face in, and flattened her ankles yea I’m going to call them now (Kiki) Dear diary, Omg yo my moms going to kill me. I shouldn’t of had sex with all them boys. I make a appointment to go to the doctors because my pee smelled funny they done told me I got every STD under the sun herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV. But when they was done telling me this shit they gone turn around and tell me I having a baby. I don’t want no baby, I cant take care of no baby I gotta get rid of this baby. I cant let my mom found out she’s gonna kill me.

Note to readers: this is a true story, but some of the conversations might be a bit changed because of my memory (🤪) but everything did happen. Thank you! And sorry it’s long.

Jules: Diary Entry #1: Today marks the third week (maybe the second) of homeschooling, and we have been meeting up on Tuesdays. And since I got here, I feel like something is up. So my friend Eliana told me that Eli, basically her nemesis, only because they had a minor fight last year, likes my other friend Caryn. I guess because that was just like news that everyone knew. Well, they told me that in the first week, and then now, presently, Eli told Caryn that he did not like her anymore. I thought that was odd because everyone thought it was such a huge deal. And also, it looked like Caryn did not care…

Jules: Diary Entry #2: The one time I did not want to have a public school background… a couple of days ago, I got invited to a birthday party. For Eli’s older brother. We had fun, I’ll admit. Until someone decided that we needed to play “Truth or Dare”… for some weird reason, Caryn was the one who asked Eli if he liked me, and she walked forward to him, and he whispered something in his ear. She smiled and said yes. I was completely shell-shocked. How would a cute, brown-eyed, black-haired guy like him like me? And I remembered something. It does not matter whether I like him or not. One, I'm too young to date, and two, I'm moving away. To another COUNTRY. So when Caryn came over to me, I freaked out, and my public school denial instincts came in, right when I did not want them to. Ugh! I probably should have said I don't know, or something like that, but I would have never said I liked him, for my siblings were there! I think I have just ruined my life. At least Eli doesn't hold it against me. I just want to cry. I wish I could explain…

Jules: Diary Entry #3: This week was worse. I ended up falling for him (way more than before) and that week I could not say anything. And to make things worse, he acted like nothing happened, which was kinda easy since nobody from our class went to the party. I feel like things are just terrible, but now we can be better friends at least. And also, I noticed something. We have the same favorite color, the same favorite baseball team, and the same favorite ice cream flavor. Oh gosh. How do I even remember that? I'm a lost cause…

Jules: Diary Entry #4: I just learned that his birthday is in the same month as mine!!! (wow Jules, we are so proud of you. sarcastic clapping) I’ll tell you how it happened. We were doing this presentation for the end of the year, (and the poor guy was the only boy, none of the other boys wanted to do it or had excuses!) and we had to line up in birth order. Me and my bestie were both by our crushes. Wow. I cannot believe that this is our last week.

Jules: Diary Entry #5: I haven't been writing a lot, in a while, so this is going to be a lot. When me and my brother went to the park, we went and met up with Ada, and Ian. That was fun. We could talk without anything being awkward, and we would talk about everything. Movies, books, school, life. I found it crazy that I could talk about that with a ten-year-old boy, and my friend Ada, but not with most of my friends. Then, we talked about the new school year. This year, since we would not be able to finish the school year, we decided to homeschool online. I missed my old homeschool. Anyway, we talked about the new grade that my friend Madalyn was going into. They told me that Madalyn liked Eli, which I already knew, so I feigned surprise and asked some questions. They told me that the boys in her class decided to play “truth or dare” (again, terrible idea) and then they asked her questions about who her crush was. Of course, she had to tell them that she liked Eli. I did not know what he said. So, I was left with that cliffhanger, and dread, and sadness, and another word that I cannot think of.

Jules: Diary Entry #6: Of course, Madelyn decided to text me the next day. She told me she needed to talk about something. I knew what it was, of course. I just needed an excuse to not be able to call her. Luckily, my mom had a day to visit our old school to say goodbye, so I said I could not talk, but we could on Tuesday. Then Tuesday came. I told myself to avoid Eli as much as possible until I knew the whole story. When I saw Madelyn, we walked to her classroom, which was very dirty, which made sense since she was the only girl in the class. She told me what I knew, but she told me that Eli said he did not like her. I was very relieved. (sorry Madelyn…) She also told me something else. She said that he told her that he liked me. Emphasis on liked. My heart crumbled. I fumbled to tell Madelyn that he did like me, according to Ada. She said that she would not break the girl code. I did not talk to Eli, but we did make eye contact.

Jules: Diary Entry #7: Me and Ada went and got coffee, and she told me something that made me happy, but also kinda confused. She told me that when she was talking to Eli, he said he was super sad I was leaving. mind exploding Then I realized that he said just me, not me and my brother!!! Am I being too hopeful? I kinda implied I liked him. She did say eventually that he liked me a lot, and I told her that I liked him too. I asked her to tell him for me.

Jules: Diary Entry #8: The next day, I was texting my friends, and out of the blue, Madalyn texted me (and the group chat that knew nothing) that Eli liked me. Even though I knew that already, I was so happy. I'm crazy. Me and Madelyn went to Starbucks on Thursday. She told me what happened; She said to the boys, jokingly, “What is your deepest, darkest, secret?” And surprisingly, Eli answered, “I still like Jules.” I thought that was sweet. But extremely sad. I was moving. Again, I wanted to cry.

Jules: Diary Entry #9: I eventually plucked up the courage to ask Ada what he said, and while we were walking on a hike, she said that he was happy, but he was sad because I was moving. When we said goodbye, Dex (he is seven) gave me the sweetest hug. I wanted to hug everyone, but I didn't get the chance to hug Eli.

Jules: Diary Entry #10: I miss everyone, and I haven't even left yet. I miss my school, I miss my friends, I miss Eli. I remember all the times we joked around in class, drew comics, and just hung around. I feel like every day, every moment we were together was proof that we were meant for each other.

Jules: Diary Entry #11: I just got on my plane. I am so mad. I don't want to move. Especially not here. I will see you again Eli. ————————————

Note to readers (again): Sorry, I did not edit. I hope you enjoyed it. This was a true ‘story’.

January 9th, 2014 (Eric)

The New Year has just started and people are already calling me Tweedle Dumb. I feel like a somber, pitiless acorn falling from a tree to a never ending drop. My gut is wretched and my intestines coil like some constrictor out of another continent. I haven’t even written anything this year; not one sentence. And everyone is calling Laura Tweedle Dee. We’re always walking around together on campus getting called names from every passerby. It makes me sick, absolutely sick. To top it all off, we got rained on today on the way to grab something to eat. I had forgotten my umbrella. It’s always me that has the umbrella when we get caught in the rain. I was the one that messed up. I couldn’t help but wonder if Laura had spent time on her hair that morning, and if I had ruined it. I certainly hope not. That would ruin me.

Here’s to something better, Eric

January 9th, 2014 (Laura)

This is just the best start to a year that I have had yet. Actually, 2011 was probably the best. That was the year I met Eric. He was pouting mercilessly by a tree, sitting all alone, and I thought he just looked so funny. It was a terrifically beautiful day, and there he was summoning the dark lord with his facial expression. It was amazing. I ran up and asked what class he had first, and lo and behold, I had never heard of that class. In fact, I didn’t see him again until two semesters later. He occasionally would pass me in the hallways, or somewhere else on campus, giving me an evil eye that could have bewitched the sun into eternal darkness, and I would just laugh after he had passed. What a funny guy. But this year is almost as good as that year. I got to walk all around campus with Eric in the rain. It was absolutely amazing. My hair got wet, his hair got wet, and there were so many puddles. People had been calling us nicknames all day and it felt like we were a true pair. I just hope we end up going somewhere similar after we graduate. He feels like some part of me that I didn’t know until I met him.

We’ll see what happens, Laura

March 14th, 2014 (Eric)

Maybe things are getting better. No, they’re not. I might fail a really important class. Well, I’d have to do really bad for three weeks in a row to drop below a solid B+. Never mind. There really aren’t too many things externally off right now. I did make Laura unhappy the other day. It drove me to drink alone under a tree far away from campus in some field. I first met her while I was sitting under a tree you know. Earlier I told her that I didn’t want to move to New York. She has some opportunities to interview for some magazines as a writer. I told her the hustle and bustle and pure filth of that city was not for me. I even knew that she had loved that place since she was a kid and I still said that. She looked completely heart broken and just stared back at me for a little while. And then she walked away. I’m back at my dorm now, and you know what? I’m thinking maybe I can learn to like New York if it means she’ll never have to feel that way again.

Feeling better now, Eric

Gabrielle (Feb. 1): Diary, This month sucks. The whole stinking thing revolves around love. What about people like me who don’t have that? Well, okay I know that’s a lie and you do to—my family is awesome—but I want the romantic kind of love.

Brandon (Feb. 1): Diary, This is my favorite month of the whole year. insert happy face here Getting to spread love to those around me is one of the best things ever. Except…I do wish I had a person. I’m not ungrateful, just, well, sad I guess. Thought I’d have someone by now.

Gabrielle (Feb. 4): Diary, Sorry for skipping the last few days. Junior year is no joke. These AP classes give insane amounts of work. But where did I leave off last time? February sucks. Okay. So I have to be repulsive because there is no other explanation for why I’ve never had a boyfriend. Every time I get bold and ask someone out, I get rejected, and the rest of the time I’m too chicken to do anything about a crush. And no one’s ever come up to me and asked me on a date. Ugh. I’m a lost cause.

Brandon (Feb. 5): Diary, I’m alright not having a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day, but senior prom is coming up soon and there’s no way I can go that without a date. The last time I had a girlfriend was…oh wait! Never. I’m a lost cause. On the topic of school: In theory, college seemed like a good idea. The closer I get to graduation though, the more I feel like it’s not what I’m meant to do.

Brandon (Feb. 7): Diary, I think I have a crush. Gotta do homework right now, but I’ll write more on her later.

Gabrielle (Feb. 7): Diary, Life is making me want to flop onto my bed and faceplant into a pillow. If you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go do that.

Brandon (Feb 11): Diary, I’m gonna ask her out today.

Gabrielle (Feb. 11): Diary, I don’t really have time to write a lot but some guy was staring at me a little in one of my classes and giving me a weird look. I hope I didn’t have food in my teeth or crazy hair or something. But why else would a guy be looking at me? And a cute one at that.

Brandon (Feb. 12): Diary, I totally bombed it yesterday. But I’ll ask her today. For sure.

Gabrielle (Feb. 12): Diary, THE CRAZIEST THING JUST HAPPENED TO ME. Remember the guy that was looking at me the other day? I think he might’ve just been nervous because he ASKED IF I WANTED TO HANG OUT AFTER SCHOOL TODAY!!!! And for my number. I’m so afraid to text him. What if I scare him off?

Brandon (Feb. 13): Diary, Not only is she kind, and beautiful, but she’s ridiculously funny too. And really talented. We went to Brew-tique (which you know is my favorite coffee shop of all time) and she said she loves it and can’t wait to go back!! Do you think it’s too soon to ask her to be my valentine?

Gabrielle (Feb. 13): Diary, Yes, I know he’s the first guy who’s ever shown interest but like…is it too soon to say I think I might be able to love him? He’s not afraid of what other people think and is goofy and silly but not immature. He’s tall and just the right height for hugs (and hopefully someday kisses) and his glasses are just so endearing. We have plans to hang out again after school. This time at the library. (My favorite place ever.)

Brandon (Feb. 14): Diary, I had so much fun with her again last night. I think I’m going to ask her in a real date tonight.

Gabrielle (Feb. 14): Diary, I have a valentine. He’s amazing and awesome and great. And he’s not going anywhere for college next year, just doing a few online classes, so I think we might have a geniune chance of lasting.

Brandon (Feb. 14): Diary, Tonight was magical. I didn’t take her to some fancy italian restaurant, but what we did do was even better. I enlisted my mom to help make some food and later after I picked her up, we ate in a picnic blanket under the stars. I even got up the nerve to kiss her, which was even better than words can describe. I think I might love her. Or at least be able to.

Gabrielle (Feb. 14, Three Years Later): Diary, He asked me to marry him tonight!!!! I said yes, of course. All to think, that one moment of courage on his part shaped our lives so much.

Brandon (Feb. 14, Four More Years Later): Diary, There must be somethjng about this month, this day. Our precious Valentina was welcomed into the world just hours earlier. I am a father.

Gabrielle (Feb. 20, Same Year): Diary, We’re parents now!! squeeeeeaaaaalll And I no longer have anything against the month of love. Because it brought my two greatest ones to me.

February 7

Dear diary,

Today was a big day. We were making cards for the upcoming Valentine’s day. Katy made a big one, it almost fell off the table when she was coloring it. I made a small one and painted it soft pink. I cut the ends with scissors to make it look like laces, but it turned out somewhat awkward. Selina laughed at me because I spent almost twenty minutes on it. She said it looked ugly, like my bald head. What does she know? Her card is covered in silly confetti. I know she’s going to gift it to Alejandro. She says they are dating. Says they kissed and all. I don’t buy it. I don’t know whom to give the card, though. Mrs. Bushnell says it should be someone special. I need to think.

February 12

Dear diary,

I am still thinking about the card. I don’t mind giving it to Max because he is always nice to me and smells like banana marshmallow, which I like. He visited me a few times when I was sick and at a hospital. But I don’t want to be just another one who gives him the card, and I know Katy and Jenny will give their cards to him. And it also would’ve been nice to get a mutual card. I don’t think our boys will give me one. I think I am not pretty enough. My school dress is too long, sometimes it clings to my knees weirdly, I almost fall, and then everyone laughs at me. Mrs. Bushnell gave me a star for answering all questions at math lesson. At least I’m smart.

February 14

Dear diary,

Today was an awful day. During recess, I climbed too high on the climbing net. Katy began shaking it. I tried to take another step to the side to clutch the thickest rope, but that stupid dress didn’t allow me to and I stepped off and fell to the ground. Everyone laughed at me, boys and girls. I think even Mrs. Bushnell smiled. I didn’t cry. I felt clunky and awkward, but I decided not to give them satisfaction. My mom says that we never should give the satisfaction of our tears. They kept mocking me, though. Did not crying make it worse somehow? I bruised my knee badly. It bled on my white socks, and Mrs. Bushnell called my mom. She picked me up very soon. I thought she would be upset that the socks are ruined and because she had to bring me to her work now, but turned out it was okay. Her colleague, Dr. Bishop, cleared the wound and gave me a lollipop. I thought about giving him the Valentine’s card, but chickened in the end. While waiting for my mom to finish her shift, I went to the wing where I used to stay until I got better. There typically were many kids, but today there was only a little boy. He was playing Xbox. We talked a little. His name is Jon, without “h”. He recently was diagnosed with cancer, too. He said it didn’t hurt, but it made him sad and disappointed. His dad left a year ago, just like mine. He and his mom moved here after that, to be closer to his granny. He said both mom and granny are very nice to him, but he still misses his friends a lot and feels alone. Jon also said he didn’t know if he could beat cancer, but at least he could beat his enemies in the game. I told him the remission was very real, that if I achieved it, he could do it, too. I didn’t want to tell him that everyone keeps pointing fingers at my head while my hair is growing back. He doesn’t have to know the kids can be so mean sometimes. Besides, maybe it’s better for boys. I told Jon that from now on, I’d be his friend, and gave him my Valentine’s card to cheer him up. I think he deserved it more than anyone else - Alejandro, Katy, Jenny, Max, even Mrs. Bushnell and Dr. Bishop. I think Jon was special enough.

Diary Entry - November 18, 2019

I’m sitting here in the hospital waiting room. It smells like antiseptic and the fluorescent lights buzz above my head. It’s so quiet, except for the ticking of the clock in the wall. I keep checking it, even though I know the time doesn’t matter. Time stopped the moment I heard the words “car crash”.

Mom’s sitting across from me, but she’s not really here. She’s staring at the floor, tears in her eyes, but she’s not crying. I think she’s holding it in for me, but I just want her to let go. We should be crying together.

I kept thing about Dad. The way he always smelled like motor oil and dirt after work, how he used to laugh when I’d ask him to fix my bike. I can’t stop imagining what happened, what it must have felt like when the car hit him. I know he was always careful, always making sure the cars were safe, and now—he’s the one in danger. It’s so unfair. How can someone who fixed cars for a living be taken out by one?

I haven’t heard anything from the doctors yet. My hands are shaking, and I keep rubbing them together, trying to make the nervous energy go away. They said he was alive when they brought him in, but I don’t know what that means. Alive is different than okay.

Every minute feels like an hour. Every sound makes me jump. I just want to see him. I need him to be okay. But no one is telling me anything, and it’s like I’m stuck here in this waiting room, waiting for the worst.

Please, Dad. Please be okay.

Diary Entry - November 25, 2019

It’s 3:42am and I still can’t sleep. I’ve been lying in bed for hours, my mind racing through the same thoughts over and over. The clock on my wall keeps ticking, like a countdown I can’t escape from.

A week has passed since the accident, but it still doesn’t feel real. I keep expecting to wake up from this nightmare, expecting Dad to walk through the door with that greasy smile on his face, telling me everything’s going to be fine. But he’s not coming home. The room still smells like antiseptic, even though I’m miles away from the hospital now. The silence at home is deafening. Mom’s barely spoken since the night he was brought in, and when she does, it’s like she’s talking to someone else. Sometimes I think she’s forgotten how to talk to me.

I keep thinking about the day we got the call. It felt like the whole world froze in that moment. Everything after it has just been a blur—doctors, paperwork, endless waiting. The day we found out he was gone is still so vivid in my mind, like it happened an hour ago. I’ve never felt more lost in my life. There’s this weight on my chest that won’t go away, and nothing I do makes it lighter.

I feel like I should be stronger, but im not. I’m so tired of crying but I don’t know how to stop. I want to scream, to break something, anything to release this pressure inside me. But all I can do is lay here, staring at the ceiling, wishing I could turn back time.

I miss him. I miss him so much.

Maybe I’ll try to sleep again. Maybe tomorrow will feel a little less empty. But right now, it’s hard to believe it ever will.

Diary Entry - December 18, 2019

It been a month since the worst day of my life. A month since the accident. I don’t even know what to say anymore. It feels like I’m losing pieces of myself everyday, but somehow I keep going. I have to.

Mom got a job at the diner last week. She says it’s just temporary, just until we can figure things out. But I can see how tired she is. I know she doesn’t want to be gone all day but she has no choice. We need the money. I can’t even remember we sat down for dinner together—just the two of us. Now it’s always me, picking at whatever’s in the fridge, trying not to think about how empty the house feels without Dad.

She used to be the one who stayed at home, who made sure everything was in place, who held it all together. Now she’s always on the phone, always checking the clock, rushing out the door before I even get up. It feels like the world has turned upside down, and I’m just waiting for it to right itself. But I’m starting to think it never will.

The truth is starting to sink in, I think it’s finally hitting me that he’s gone. I keep expecting him to walk through the door, to hear him yell from the garage, telling me to get out of the way while he fixes something. But nothing’s the same anymore. It’s like the life we had just vanished with him.

I try to pretend it’s okay. I tell myself that Mom’s just tired, that things will get better. But I don’t think they will. At least not in the way they used to be.

I miss him. So much.

And I don’t know how to fix this.