3 am I miss yous

It’s 3 am and I’m at home while you’re there sound asleep.

It’s 3 am and the only time I can be asleep is when you’re on the phone because the absence of you laying on my chest keeps me awake.

It’s 3 am and the only thing that keeps us together is the moon and the sun so here I am watching the moon and the stars thinking about the nights you were looking at it too.

It’s 3 am and it breaks me to hear the crack in your voice when you say “ I miss you “.

It’s 3 am and I keep imagining your hand in mine but the only thing I can feel is my heart in my stomach.

It’s 3 am and I’m counting down the hours until you wake up so the distance isn’t as lonely

The 3 am and I’m at home and you’re sound asleep.

Comments 3

Kat1231

5 years ago

It’s so good babyyy

Jordan Alexander

5 years ago

With the falling asleep thing it’s because the character only feels safe when that person who they’re in a long distance relationship with. That’s why it’s hard for the character to sleep and you may not literally can’t feel your heart in your stomach but with that being said it’s a saying. I appreciate your pointers but everything in the post was meant to be the way it was because the character is me, that’s how I was and am feeling.

Ian King

5 years ago

I get the feeling that this is someone tormenting themselves over the fact that their partner is (possibly) on the other side of the world, and they deeply miss them.

Saying "you're there sounds asleep" I think is meant to be a bit mysterious, getting the reader to wonder where the subject is. But it got me thinking more along the lines of "I don't really get what you're trying to say". It's fine to come across ambiguous, but at the same time you need to give the reader a little help when no prior information has been provided or hinted at.

I'm not sure saying the only way that the character can fall asleep is by talking to the partner because it comes across more as, they find them so boring that they can cure insomnia.

Again, I'm not sure what you're trying to imply by saying that the only thing keeping them together is the moon and sun.

Also, you can't feel your heart in your stomach. This line makes it sound a bit cliche.

I liked that you started each sentence with "It's 3am" but I think the points you were trying to make need to be fleshed out a bit more.