If I count the ways I love you

I’d ask, “Why does it always have to be me?”

Like I did when I was a young girl

Numerous blood draws and surgeries

My friends don’t know my true pain

Not even the ones that know my medical history

I do my best to stay positive despite the outcome

There are treatments but no cure

For what I have

This disease

But someone’s got it worse than me

pain and headaches- just breathe

Thanks for telling me that its okay to cry

When my body doesn’t know that it needs to but my mind relaxes in response

That “it’s okay to cry”

I cry and cry and cry

Sometimes I need to be told that

I cannot handle it alone

But if I count the ways I love you

I’d count my family and friends first

For understanding what it’s like for me to live

To continue to accept my self

She’s constantly on the brink of anxiety, joy, and sadness

But now I’d include me too

Not loving myself last or less

But loving myself equally

More tomorrow than today

These are the words I would say

If I count the ways I love you

Note: this story is true. I actually do have Coats disease (rare eye disease) and other stuff including generalized anxiety. It’s not something I talk about normally, but I felt this way today so I decided to write a poem to express my emotions. I hope if you’re reading this you know that its okay to cry, to accept whatever it is you’re going through and to keep moving forward. ❤️