“Don’t lose yourself again. You’ll never find it, not again. It’s like losing an idea, you might find it once, but can you find it again?” — K.J.

My thoughts are drilled into my head,

worse than nails, worse than bolts,

constant pain and a constant reminder

that I’m different than these dolts.

I’ve drowned in my mind,

years and years of experience

at that terrifying job.

You don’t think I’m serious?

Lose yourself for the first time,

I promise you’ll be okay.

Finding it at first is easiest

because you didn’t fully decay.

But I lost it again,

not just my mind.

My personality too.

It’s not easy to find,

remember that,

because I’ll be gone

within seconds.

I don’t want you

to be gone too.

Lights flicker in the hallways

of the mansion of my brain.

Calmly walking, I guess you

could say: my best friend is pain

and somehow I lost that too.

I’m paralyzed, a deer in headlights,

pain’s a metaphor for something

you’ll never be able to find.

Don’t lose anything or everything,

but especially not your mind,

your soul, and definitely not yourself.

I may be a hypocrite,

‘cause I lost myself a long time ago.

And I never found it.