When I look over at you,

you’re already smiling at me.

I can’t help but freak out-

I want you to like me,

but if you do,

you’ll only be let down.

I’m not your soulmate-

not your best friend.

I don’t take away your frown.

I’ll only let you down.

Instead of admitting,

that I have a silly, stupid crush,

the moment he shows the signs,

I don’t look at him, but I blush,

I refuse to talk to him,

I don’t want to look at him.

I _can’t_ look at him-

If I do, he’ll know-

God- help this blow

over and over-

He _can’t_ know.

I’m not your soulmate,

not your best friend,

not your enemies-to-lovers,

not your little puppy dog,

not your kid beneath covers-

I’m not a reason to cry,

to laugh or to love.

I’m nothing special,

to him- you.

I want you to like me,

like a lover, romantically,

if only you did,

if only it would be true.

My friend calls it a mistake,

ignoring him entirely.

I can’t help but agree-

yet I’m an idiot, I can’t change-

I want him to like me,

but I won’t let him-

Like he’s the phone,

I’m the headphones out of range.

I’m an idiot- I cannot change.

God, fix my stupid mistakes.

Every time, I fail.

Every time I am not worth

compliments, help, redemption-

but people give it to me.

I’m an idiot, I cannot change.

I’m self-deprecating,

idiotic and strange.

I ignore him like I’m deaf,

blind, and mute at the same time.

I cannot harbor feelings-

if he knows and doesn’t…

if he doesn’t reciprocate,

how am I but a bread

that cannot bake?

how am I but a girl

who cannot date?

how do I only manage

to make mistakes?

It has to be a mistake,

the looks, the eyes, the smile,

but is this all-

all it takes for me to break?