They’ll Never Know


They’ll never know the

nightmares I had every night

of a feeding tube being

shoved down my throat.

They’ll never know the

look on my mom’s face

when the nurse who was

trying to draw my blood

said that she couldn’t find my veins

and that I should probably have

some water or juice.

Probably juice because that has


carbs and glucose.

They’ll never know the restless nights

when every fifteen minutes a nurse

would check in on me

to make sure I’m not

purging or exercising.

They’ll never know the true

function of the calorie

counter that permanently

lives in my brain,

And they’ll never know how hard

it is to put on the smile

that they see on my face.

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