sometimes peace is hard to find

but this girl finds it in literature

she likes to write poems and stories

but rarely she has the focus to complete them

unless they come from her heart

which no one knows

is terribly lonely.

sometimes she is so lonely it hurts.

she may appear in front of others to be surrounded by those who care for her—

—yet the feeling of pain remains in her chest, relentlessly stabbing.

she likes to run also.

her feet are never stopping

her heart is still beating

the pounding of the blood in her ears

and the sharp inhales of her screaming lungs is the only thing reminding her she is still

alive.

sometimes she just needs a reminder,

although she will never stop looking for a reason.

no one knows that this girl is tired.

she is tired of smiling

she is tired of trying to be

okay.

but she is also tired of the questions she get when people ask her if she is okay

and she is tired of making up the same answer.

there is no in between for her.

if she decides to be okay then she will still have to smile

and if she decides to stop pretending then she will have to be asked the same question.

are you okay?

a vicious cycle of dishonesty.

no one knows this girl is scared

no one knows she cries to herself sometimes at night

no one knows she misses the friendship she had with a person she used to call her best friend

but that person belongs to someone else

and now she is left to watch them laugh together and do the things she used to do

with her.

no one knows this girl wants to make good decisions

wants to be a good daughter

wants to play piano with the emotion she puts into her poems

wants to be able to have the same confidence in her athletic ability in basketball as she does when no one is watching

no one knows she wants to be a good friend— make sure they will feel cared about and loved

and she wants to make sure

no one

will ever have to hurt the way

she does.

she has lost belief

in love.

any sort of love.