Every day, when I wake up and look into the mirror, I don’t always recognize myself. It’s very easy for me to blend in- be the good samaritan, who stops and gives you a ride to your place. Or the neighbor, who helps you move some furniture. The guy you call to walk your dog or watch your kids. That quiet coworker who smiles at you and occasionally makes small talk. It’s just that sometimes….I’m not that person.

But where does being nice get you, anyway? It gets you nowhere, I’ll tell you that. I’ve always taken the backseat in life because of it.

The first time it happened, I really lost control. It was a horrible mistake. I really, truly loved her. She was so amazing and captivating, like no woman I had ever met in my life. But that was just a facade. In fact, I was too good to her. She didn’t deserve my love. It wouldn’t have happened if she had just realized that we were perfect together. Instead she was a whore. Smiling and talking to other men. Too naive to see what was right in front of her. She didn’t even acknowledge me properly, aside from the occasional “hello” as we’d pass each other in our narrow apartment hallway. And her smile, it was always so fake, almost like I made her uncomfortable. I’ve never even done anything to her. She was always so judgmental.

The second time, well, things were really perfect. She noticed me. I doted on her, and she adored it. She was so loving and sweet, yet different from the rest. But things quickly went from perfect to a nightmare. She was too clingy, wanting to spend every day of the week together. She would get jealous if I made simple conversation with other women. She would cry and beg me not to leave when I would walk out after an argument. Really, who could deal with that? I no longer had any time to myself. It was getting harder and harder to see her as the perfect woman I thought she once was. This time, it wasn’t a mistake. If I didn’t do it, I would have never gotten away from her. She was incredibly deranged and delusional. She wanted to control me. I needed a way to escape, and I don’t think she would have been able to live without me. She begged me not to, but I had to end our misery.

But there won’t need to be a third time, because I found you. You are so beautiful, with your silky, soft hair, your bright, charismatic eyes, your musical laugh. From the few interactions we’ve had in passing, I can tell that you aren’t like other women. When you smile at me shyly, it’s genuine. You smile with your eyes, like you really mean it. I’ve watched you unpack your belongings after helping you move into your apartment. I even took the liberty of grabbing one of your spare apartment keys out of your bag, just in case you ever need me. I just want to prove to you how good I am, how much potential our relationship could have. You are the perfect woman I have been looking for.