I only make mistakes when I’m awake.

I never forget to put sugar in the birthday cake.

I’m fifiteen minutes early for work.

I never act like a jerk.

I’m frozen in a body that looks seventeen.

I am tan, blond, and lean.

My makeup is always perfectly done.

My husband thinks I’m fun.

I am inner peace and granola bar healhty.

I can pay my bills without being wealthy.

My son hits every developmental milestone.

I don’t have a cellphone.