Upside Down

My heads twisted too tight

My brain over-wired

My skin is like a bear

Too hairy to be true

Some say I’m not ladylike

Undesirable too

My curls are a mess

Always matted and dead

I try to revive yet it’s too far gone

When some spare a glance

They leave with laughter

My body is a whale

Blubber all over

My thighs have extra

There is no use

My body is a porpoise

My breasts oversided

I wear sweats to cover

All the insecurities inside

My brain is apart of it too!

Corkscrewed and tied

Makes me hide

All the pain inside

Somedays I wish the pain would reside

Yet the biggest critic inside

Gives me more things to hide

Whenever I’m at a gathering, you shall never see me aside

I am eyeing an exit nearby

Wishing all eyes would leave my side

Yet I’m frozen inside

Sometimes I wish I could change

Lessen the double chin when I laugh

Or maybe to stop growing my behind

I have boys stare at me

Like a prized meat

I try to conceal, yet my brain is sideways

Some say it’s okay

Coerce their way inside

So I concluded I’m upside down,

No really, it’s true,

My brain is always on overdrive

And mostly it’s always a critic

My brain never switches to be nice

Never at all

My self esteem is lower than low

Lower than the Mariana Trench

Some tell me to just ‘ be happy’

But how?

I’ll just overthink that too

My clothes are weird too

The girls mocking and gawking

I only had this pair

I was worse for wear

My head tells me I’m worthless

Sometimes I agree

But somedays I feel free

Away from the negativity

Yet it always comes back,

Even worse for wear

I feel lower than low

I have no desire to do anything

Just lay on a bed crying

Somedays I feel alone

Grabbing my skin and judging

My critic keeps blabbing

Telling me to do this do that

Do I really care?

At the end of the day, thoughts can’t reach my dreams

Maybe that’s why I sleep so much

Yet it’s all right

So I am upside down, my anxiety is one

My body image another

Yet I’m tired of thinking

Somedays I wish to stop and stare

Admire the air

The trees and the calmness of the world

Yet I’m dragged back into my little hell

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