they say the eldest daughter always gets her father’s temper

and it’s true. that’s why we can’t get along for shit.

i hate the way you talk,

the way i have your face—

—the fact that we are the

_same_

_ fucking _

_ person._

you hate the way i call you out for being a hypocrite, and you hate it

because you know that i’m

fucking right.

i’m always right when it comes to you.

and i know i may not see everything you do for me but it would be great if you would fucking talk to me. i know you wonder what i’m thinking, and i wonder the same about you.

would you even love me if i stopped playing my sport? because right now that’s all it seems to be. we all know i’m not your favorite.

me playing basketball is just a _fragment of your fucking childhood trying to live through me _because_ you _couldn’t_ fucking have it._

__

i hate when you pull that fucking immigrant card on me too.

we all have problems

but when you compare yours to mine,

it’s like mine won’t ever be

worthy,

enough,

_valid_.

__

i’m so done when you tell me to stop crying after my games because i’m upset,

call me a crybaby,

but then when i don’t cry,

you ask why i don’t care.

and after all this, you wonder why i can’t open the hell up to you.

i know that i am selfish, and hurtful, but i try. i try to put things in perspective, and i tell myself that we don’t even have much time together. but then you come along and fuck it up, making me forget why i even tried in the first place.

nothing will ever hurt the same

as the way i envy the relationships other fathers and daughters have

and wishing that i could have that.

_i don’t want to be like this._

__

i am so,

so angry.

i am filled with so much hate, and it has nowhere to go.

and it wasn’t always like this,

so tell me what went wrong,

when all this happened.

you make me wonder if there truly is a problem between us,

if it’s you or if it’s me,

and if i’m just making all of this up in my head.

i don’t want us to be marked as something

like “daddy issues”

because that’s not what we used to be

but now rather something we are becoming.

yet i

still

love you.

{let me get this out of my system, guys. i’m literally so done with living right now}