The bell jingled as the shop door opened. “Go on. Your turn” the wizened old shopkeeper said as he pushed his apprentice from behind the ancient counter. The apprentice made his way through the racks of abandoned clothes and other long forgotten detritus. “Hi! I’m Bert. What are you looking for today?” The hapless customer spun around with a look like a deer caught in headlights. It was a normal look for those who had just met Bert, he seemed to mainly consist of a shock of red hair, a rather lumpy green cardigan and carpet slippers. He put people in mind of deformed carrot with an imperious stare. “I’m just looking thanks” Vincent replied getting over the initial shock, certain in the knowledge that shop keepers everywhere withered into the background after the use of this phrase. “Well sir, I’ve always found even with a general looking theres always something you want otherwise you wouldn’t be in the shop in the first place.” “Well, I could do with a new lamp I suppose.” “Marvellous sir, follow me to the bric a brac section.” Vincent followed Bert through the shop, wondering how anywhere as musty as this managed to stay open. It was like several charity shops had come to die in here. He had only wandered in out of curiosity. It was one of those shops that had always been there but no-one knew exactly what it was they sold. “We have this one sir! Very beautiful!” Bert declared after rummaging through an endless display of bits and bobs. “Actually think its the only one in the shop.” Vincent stared at the proffered lamp, all dirty brass and the glass shade had definitely seen better days. “I’ll take it” he said glancing at the price tag. Only 50p he thought, even if it doesn't work it will get me out of this shop quicker than if I didn't buy anything. Bert bobbed excitedly back over to the cash register. “That will be 50 pence then please sir.” Vincent handed over the change and quickly made his way to the door lest he get caught for another tasteless trinket. “Was that the old brass lamp you just sold?” The shop owner asked Bert from his armchair in the corner. “Oh yes it was” Bert replied looking happy with himself. The shop owners eyes widened. “Bloody hell lad! Theres a Genie stuck in that! He’ll find it when he turns it on. Nasty Genie he is too. Last time that lamp went on I lost my apprentice trying to trap him again. I’m not sitting round here watching endless parades and bloody despotic rulers getting out of hand again. Pull that lever boy!” Bert obediently went over to the lever on the wall, pulled a few errant garments off of it and dutifully gave it a big pull. If Vincent had still been stood outside which of course he wasn’t, he had scurried off before the bell had ceased its jingling, he would have seen the shop slowly swirl in on itself, turning faster and faster as though trying to become its own tornado. There was a sudden pop and the shop had vanished. Where it had stood was now a small alley between the two shops on either side.
I expected my beautiful, lovely wife back. Instead of her rich, supple skin I got this. A grotesque, decaying corpse. Still in her bridal gown that she had been buried in because she thought it was the most beautiful she had ever looked. That memory was lost to me now after seeing this horror. What was I supposed to do now? This wasn’t my wife. This was an abomination. I see why the genie had that rule about not bringing anyone back from the dead now. It definitely wasn’t pretty.
I’ve noticed a new contraption has appeared on my kitchen worktop. I have no idea how it got there, I can only assume fairies are the ones to blame, maybe even the naughty pixies that I’ve definitely seen scampering about the garden.
Whoever designed it must have been slightly narcissistic, every surface is reflective but in a curious way where everything seems slightly distorted. My face appears bigger this way but I move it slightly and it gets smaller. Very odd. Must be the fairies trying to appear bigger.
Theyve left a page scrawled with instructions. I complete them as its written wondering what mystery will happen.
Fill jug halfway with milk, put jug under the little arm that sticks out, twist nozzle to activate steam into milk, keep an eye on the temperature you dont want it too hot, pour milk into cup, bang cup on counter to settle the foam. Put ground coffee beans in the filter and press them down, put filter onto coffee machine and place the espresso mug underneath, press espresso button, wait for espresso to pour and the pour the espresso into the hot, steamed milk.
I grab my mug of hot, milky coffee and take a long sip, the fuzziness in my head starts to clear.
Maybe it wasnt the fairies that left this shiny coffee machine, with each sip of the hot, sweet caffeine my memory comes back. I’d bought the thing last night and wrote myself instructions knowing that in the foggy morning haze I wouldnt remember.
Shame, I prefer the magic fairy option.
I know you love me, your eyes the colour of the depths of the ocean get a diamond like sparkle when you see me. Your face glows with happiness, the lines around your eyes crinkle deeper the bigger your gap-toothed smile gets. I love the feel of your ever present, never lengthening stubble as you bend to kiss me. Your stubble feeling slightly scratchy in contrast with your smooth, soft lips that I could kiss forever.
I sunk into the lovely bed. This is surprisingly comfy I thought. Feels like im succumbing to that sin of sloth already.
I’d always been led to believe that Hell was horrible. I’d strived to be a good person all my life, giving to charity and volunteering at shelters, generally being a bit of a goody two shoes and due to some bureaucratic red tape nonsense about my name being spelled the same as a serial killers I’m stuck here until the lovely demons in HR can sort it out.
In the meantime ive been given a lovely room overlooking one of the circles of hell. It really is an incredible view, I can see Prometheus having his liver eaten out and if I use the binoculars they’ve provided I can see in the distance Sisyphus rolling his boulder up that hill.
I’ve been given a free pass to the all you can eat breakfast buffet in the morning, playing right into gluttony there!
The musics much better too. I always preferred a bit of rock and roll over what I can only imagine the dreary classical music Heavens sound system is currently playing.
It really is better down here than I’d expected. I spent my life trying to make it easier for my eternal soul and now that its come to it I think I probably shouldn’t have cared quite so much. I’ll take a walk back to the Human Resources office in the morning and tell them not to bother sorting it out. I’m fine where I am.
He had walked into my coffee shop about three months ago. He said he had just moved to town and didn’t know anyone. We had got chatting over the counter as I made his cappuccino. He seemed a sweet guy so I asked if he wanted a locals tour of the nightlife that weekend. He readily accepted and contact info was exchanged.
We met that weekend and I took him to all the good pubs and we had a good time. When it came to the end of the night I was very upfront and told him I wasn’t feeling the spark so thought it was pointless going any further. He laughed it off and got me a cab.
Next morning he was at the coffee shop. He was having a meeting with somebody in the corner. They were there for an hour or so and he came over to talk to me before he left. Apparently it was a meeting with his agent. He had a film coming out that he was sure was going to be his big break. I congratulated him and was sure this was the last time I’d ever see him.
Every morning at 9:30am the little bell above the door jingled and if I looked up I knew he was going to be walking to the counter. Most of the time I was able to duck out into the office and not reappear til he had gone. He made me uncomfortable, like my skin was trying to crawl away from him. He had started off as a seemingly sweet, likeable guy. After that weekend things had changed though. It wasn’t just the daily coffee shop visits. I’d see him lurking about by my apartment, ducking into shops as I was going about my business. Something just really seemed off about the guy.
His career must have taken off as he expected because all of a sudden I was seeing him on all the magazines and over every single billboard. He hadn’t walked into my coffee shop in about a year.
“Have you heard?” Greta pounced on me before I’d even got my coat off ready to start my shift.
“Heard what?” I replied.
“That guy who always used to come around here, the one you went on a date with, the big movie star. Well I saw it on the news this morning. Turns out hes been killing women all over the country. He got caught last night attacking his latest co-star. Just to think that could have been you!”
Cressida pulled open the heavy oak door. “Yes? What can I help you with man? Make it quick I need to get back to the dragons.”
Benedict shuffled his feet. This isn’t how things were supposed to go.
“Erm...well...I’ve come about rescuing the princess.”
“Oh that. I’ve only been waiting 3 decades so I decided to get on with things myself. You’ll notice you’ve had an easy passage through the thickets of briars. Took me a good few years to get that mess under control. Come on in and have a cup of tea. Just mind you wipe your boots before you come traipsing through. I’ve got enough cleaning to be getting on with without having to clean up after would be rescuers.”
Benedict hurriedly wiped his iron boots on the doormat and clanked his way in full armour through to the kitchen where Cressida was now bustling about with a kettle.
“Erm...is that a dragon?”
“Oh yes. This is Reggie. He was the runt of the litter but he makes an excellent kitchen utensil. He’ll have the kettle boiled in a minute.”
This definately isn’t how things were supposed to go Benedict thought. He was supposed to be The Knight in Shining Armour. He’d stayed up all night making his armour gleam especially for the occasion.
“You were aware you were supposed to be rescued?”
“Oh yes” Cressida replied, “But everyone seemed to be busy getting on with their lives. I know theres been a bit of a war going on and there hadn’t been any callers for quite some time so I decided enough was enough. I said to myself right, Cressida, you are more than capable of rescuing yourself, you don’t need a man to do it for you. Its just a silly dragon thats guarding you. I did a bit of reading in the excellent library my captors left for me and it turns out that dragons are nothing to be afraid of. Yes, they tend to flame a bit when they get excited but they’re rather like a puppy really. Talk to them in a stern voice and they soon do what they’re told. It was Reggies mother that was guarding me. Especially dangerous a brooding mother. Just wants to protect her eggs. Anyway, me and his mum eventually got on rather well. Company for eachother I suppose. I helped her look after her babies once they hatched. Unfortunately she died two maybe three years ago now, so its just been me and the little ones. Would you like to see them? They’re just in the sheds outside. Its feeding time so they’ll be expecting me anyway.”
Benedict was definately a bit put out, “You mean you don’t need rescuing?”
“No thank you dear, we’re quite fine as we are. If you are coming to the dragons you better take off that armour though. We don’t want the dragons to get overexcited by seeing their reflections in that armour and roasting you alive dear.”
“I think I’ll be off then. You know how it is. Plenty of princesses locked away to rescue and if you’re sure don’t need me.”
“Not a problem dear. Its been nice having someone without scales to chat to. Do drop in if your passing again.”
Benedict clanked his way back down the hallway, through the old heavy oak door, down the garden path and through the tended briar maze on to a proper adventure.
Annabelle rode through the castle courtyard, skirts whipping behind her as she pushed her mare as fast as she dared on the cobbles.
“Come on!keep up!” She snapped over her shoulder at the man at arms that was supposed to be making sure she didnt get into any trouble.
Ragnor sighed inwardly. He detested it when she was in this mood. Annabelle could be a spoilt brat of a girl, at fifteen she should be over childish tantrums but he knew as soon as he was given orders to protect his mistress as she rode out today, he would have to take the brunt of it. He prayed for a quick trip out of the castle and through the valley. That always seemed to calm her mind when her father, the lord of the keep, had angered her, normally over something trivial.
The cobbles slowly turned into a dirt path that wove between the autumnal trees. The red leaves crunched under the horses hooves as Annabelle slowed the pace to watch the gulls soaring overhead.
Ragnar normally let the girl get out of her moods at her own pace but today he was desperate to get back to castle. His son was being initiated as a squire today and he didnt want to miss the ceremony the Lord always gave. He remembered his own like it was yesterday, now he was a knight, a man at arms, hopefully his son would rise higher than he had done, a glorified babysitter. He was happy with his lot in life though, a loving wife, three sons and a daughter, who was Annabelles age but less prone to sulks. He decided today he would try something that always worked on his own daughter.
“My Lady, would you care to take a ride down to the lake this morning?”
She gave no reply but turned her horse down the path that led to lake.
“My daughter, Daena, loves it down by the lake. She says it so full of nature that its hard to not be happy there” he chattered on trying to get Annabelle to talk, to take her mind off whatever was bothering her. “Especially when you get to the waterfall.”
Annabelle gave a rare smile to Ragnar. He was winning.
“I’ll show you something I showed my Daena when she was little” he said taking a little used dirt track down towards the waterfall. “We’ll have to leave the horses here” he said as he dismounted. He turned to help Annabelle down but she had already dismounted.
“I don’t need anyones help” she told him.
“Right you are My Lady. This way”.
She followed him through overgrown trees and bushes, branches whipping at her arms as she fought her way through the thickets.
“Now it gets a bit muddy and wet here so watch your footing. I don’t fancy explaining why I’ve taken you back to the keep looking like a regular ruffian” he laughed.
He took Annabelles hand as he guided her through a particularly large thicket. He could see the look of wonder in her eyes. They were stood on the edge of the waterfall. The roar of the water deafened out the noise of the birds above and the creatures in the surrounding foliage.
She leaned precariously over the edge to watch the water hurl itself down to the rocks below. A rainbow was forming in the splash.
She took a deep breath and calmness passed over her face. He had won. He wouldn’t be missing his sons ceremony now.
He allowed her to stand there for half an hour or more as she seemed to grow more and more relaxed.
“I’m ready to go now thank you” she shouted to make herself heard over the waterfall.
As they rode back through the valley towards the keep Annabelle slowed her mare to a walking pace and turned to Ragnar.
“Thank you for today. You were very kind to a girl who didn’t deserve kindness.”
Ragnar was taken aback by this comment. He had been dreading this morning ever since he had been given the orders to ride with her.
“Always remember there are people who care about you.”
“I will” she replied, “Do you think your daughter would mind if I used her spot to calm myself when I need to?Its so beautiful there and you cant think of anything over the roar of the water.”
“I’m sure Daena would be honoured My Lady” he smiled.
