today felt no different i woke with my nervous system fully engaged assessing the dream i had asked god whom i do not follow to give me while I slept repeating a lost prayer
god jesus i haven’t followed you in a long time i understand if you don’t listen i recognize why you wouldn’t answer the deafining cry of my thoughts but please can you show me a sign throw it in my face make it obvious what do i need to do
i kept recalling clasped my dog’s harness his leash and heard music outside my window
7am, warm, saturday no different. waking like a lawn mower pulled to start, that’s normal right?
assessing a dream a prayed for from a god i almost don’t believe in… normal, right? finding a young man slumped over someone’s son music turned all the way up, someone’s brother
i can’t let him be alone.
I’m here. Call 911. I’m going to feel for your pulse. Can you hear me? Yes, operator, he’s breathing. Just barely. Heart rate is slow. Baby, I’m here, I don’t know you. But you’re going to be safe. I’m going to lay you back in your seat, And I’m going to turn you on your side. Yes ma’am , there are drugs in the car. Honey, if you can hear me, I’m here and I will help you until the paramedics can get here. Stay with me. It’s going to be okay. Yes, operator, but his pulse is slowing.
today felt no different until i saw that something maybe god listened
oh, like the sun, do i rise i open my eyes and take a deep breath jump to start someone left the keys in the ignition.
go to work, clock in clock out, rinse, repeat my heart is racing i have almost forgotten the word ambition.
oh like the sun, do i fall into darkness once again then rise and jump to start.
rinsed and repeated like the question in my head “who is going to die today?” an echo of an inquiry I’m resistant to
anyone