And there you were. Suddenly besides me. A reckoning of both the past and present. A colored glass filled to the brim with endless opportunities and overflowing amounts of love of & safety. This is what it means to be unconditionally in love. To feel at home inside another persons mind, and not worry where you left the keys to the door. You are the sunlight that comes through the blinds in the morning, waking me. The floor boards that creak when I walk to the record player since I have to have music while cooking, and you know that. The fresh squeezed lemonade in the thrifted pitcher, sitting on the counter derived from the lemon tree we hand planted in our garden. The worn down mat that says ‘welcome.’ You're my home. I’ll lay the keys in the basket inside. Remember, remove your shoes.

I have never been more excited to visit a post office. What visits were usually bland and in sweatpants, now make me have butterflies in my stomach and trying to find outfits that match my 'oh so fun' personality. She works Tuesdays, and usually has her hair up in a ponytail. Ever since that Friday I saw her, I was hooked. I have never posted more on eBay to have an excuse to go and ship things. We get along great, she’s the cutest person. Today is the day I ask her on a date.

I drive my old beaten down Honda to the post office and find a parking spot that’s facing the front doors. l pop down my mirror and fix my hair before hopping out with my newly wrapped package in hand. I can see her in the back. The other man at the counter motions for me to step forward since the place is empty. "Oh, um, I'm just waiting for her." l lightly point to the girl in the back. The man signs and then calls out " Sam, counter." So her name is Sam. She walks up to the register, hair in a high ponytail and smile and says “you sure have a lot of mail this week!” “Yeah, running a small business.” I hand her the box, excited to be talking to her again. “Oh cool! What kind?” She starts to input something in the computer. “Just flipping guitar parts.” She looks over at me excited and I feel myself smile. “I wish I could play guitar, my boyfriend is trying to teach me.” Her, her what? She continued to talk about guitars but I mentally checked out feeling like an idiot. I told her the address I was shipping the package to and left promptly, trying to smile while saying “have a nice day.” As I got in my car I started looking up other post offices in the area. I have never been more ready to leave a post office.

I look at you in other awe and love. Lust. Obsession.

The sunlight bathes you in golden shades under a peach tree. Still.

Healthy as a elder, sick like a newborn.

The life in you as bright as ever just now showing the lessening wax. Burning itself away, slowly but faster than ever. Healthy yesterday, sick today, rest tomorrow- fine tomorrow. Healthy today, sick yesterday, gone.

Torn from my grasp. Right from my hands. The sun is gone now and the rain falls hard. Harder than ever.

Then the sun comes out, only you're not bathing in it. You bathe in memory. You bathe in the earth beneath my toes. You bask in my love instead of the gold sun. You don't call anymore. you rest. You rest. You sleep. Free from pain. Finally. No matter how selfish I wanted to be. Anything, everything I could give. I would. l still would. A never ending love for you I promise you that. I'm waiting for the day of the peach tree that will be so much brighter, golden, so much warmer, with you

Yet again here I find myself, once again adrift.

I need new, not old, l need to shift.

Right back into old habits I go, almost sad isn't it?

I purposley go to things I see unfit.

They say everything happens for a reason, for why you're back, I'm not sure.

I should know it's no good how my hairs stand up like a cats fur.

Entirely and utterly perturbed I hate how You make me uncomfortable in my own skin.

Go away, shape shifter, upsetting, The gross taste you leave in my mouth, bitter.

G0 away.