After all these years - what our hearts refuse to confess, our eyes overtly reveal.

Casual conversations riddled with affection, trying hard to be platonic when you and I know what we have —is COSMIC.

ALWAYS have been, but NEVER could BE — at least in our current reality.

If either of us was braver more than a decade ago, Would we take the chance?

THAT NIGHT when we danced and took shots of tequila… You put your arm around my shoulder and quickly whispered your TRUTH.

Dumbstruck, like a dream came true, Inside I screamed: ME TOO! But you nervously laughed and changed the subject; I should’ve responded, asked… I guess we’ll never know.

Oh but we do… In your sleepless nights, do you go back in time too? To that night — Could have been ours… Tell me.

Because I do. After all these years… I’ve moved on, but I always knew.

My soul recognizes you From a thousand lifetimes. And that my heart, Will always, always, ALWAYS belong to you.

x, J. Balais 04/Nov/23 #lgbtq+ #confessions

This is too much… I can’t take this anymore. I need to go and hide in my small nook—

Here in the bathroom, I’ll leave the water running, So you can’t hear me crying.

This is too much… I can’t bear it anymore. I am tired of hearing myself—

Here in the bathroom, I’ll leave the shower gushing, So I can’t hear me sobbing.

This is too much… Water ripples through the drain, But my tears keep falling like rain—

To the palm of my hands, To my wrist…my veins. So beautiful, pale, and cold…

What if I… … … … __ __ This is too much!!! Drops of water echo on the walls. I need to get out of here!!!

Here in the bathroom. I’ll never be defeated by you. And I’ll never be a victim of myself.

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x, J.B./angeljerlin