I'm on my way! Marcus tapped into his phone as he settled into the back seat of the bus and pulled up his hood. It would be about forty five minutes on the bus to get to the ferry and then at least another hour until he would be climbing into the passenger seat of his boys truck, but he was already nervous. This was the first time making the trip up to the coast and even though there really wasn't any pressure, he wanted everything to be perfect.
When his screen it up with a response Marcus's stomach flipped, he almost couldn't believe he would be kissing that sweet boy in just a few hours. They would get the entire weekend together, a first in the two years they’d known each other.
Can't wait! But, I've been thinking... I feel like I need to be more vocal about being a daddy this weekend. Like I really need to make you be a good boy for me. Daniel ended the message with a purple devil emoji, and Marcus immediately blushed. He looked up at the other passengers on the bus like somehow they could read his dirty thoughts then slid down in his seat.
His heart thumped in his ears and he chewed on his bottom lip as he stared down at the screen unsure what to say. Of course he wanted to be a good obedient boy for daddy, but he was tongue tied. Before he could respond, Daniel followed up with,_ How does that sound?_ Of course, ending that message with a winking face.
As the city slowly faded into the background the two messaged back and forth about the amazing sex they were going to have. Marcus could feel his tiny cock throbbing as he thought about being forced to his knees.
When he saw Daniel standing outside of his truck waiting for him to arrive, he felt like he was in a rom com. He looked like a country boy in his jeans, flannel and backwards hat, but damn he was hot. And the way that he smiled, like he held a secret between his teeth.
Halfway back to his house Daniel pulled over to the side of the road and said, "Fuck, I already can't stand it.”
"Stand what?" Marcus asked.
“How bad I want to fuck you," he said with a smirk, quickly scooting across the front seat of the truck and pulling Marcus into an almost kiss by grabbing the hair at the base of his neck. But he didn't let their lips touch. Tension crackled around them as Marcus slowly melted against Daniel’s body, desperate for that mouth on his. When he tried to lean forward, Daniel stopped him by tightening his grip. He smirked, lips gently parted, beautiful blue eyes shining. Marcus looked up at him like the desperate little bottom he is but stayed silent waiting for instructions.
When they finally kissed, Marcus sighed into Daniel’s mouth. It was gentle at first, soft lips and gentle tongues. But quickly tongues turned to teeth as the heat between them grew. Hands grasped at body parts desperate to feel to close every inch of distance between them.
Marcus slid his hand along Daniel’s thigh and a noise that sounded almost like a growl came from his throat. “You want to see how hard you make me?" He asked, pulling back just enough to look into Marcus’s eyes. He slid his hand down Marcus’s cheek, across his bottom lip and then slowly slipped his thumb into his mouth. Not trusting himself to speak, Marcus nodded.
Daniel made quick work of unblocking his belt and unbuttoning his jeans while Marcus practically drooled in the seat next to him ready to watch those big hands stroke that cock.
“Want to suck me?” Daniel asked with a grin as he stroked his cock.
“Yes!” Marcus answered enthusiastically planting a wet kiss on his lips before leaning forward.
Daniel stopped him with a large hand on his shoulder and tipped Marcus’s face up so they eyes met. “You mean, yes, daddy?” He asked.
“Yes, daddy. I want to suck your cock.” Marcus quickly responded before sliding his tongue down the length of his shaft and groaning at the taste.
He licked and sucked at the tip before taking him fully in his mouth.
Daniel ran his fingers through his hair as he leaned back watching his boy generously lick and suck. “You’re such a good boy,” he praised as he ran a hand down Marcus’s back. “But I think you can take more.” His hand shifted back to the base of Marcus’s neck and he pressed his head down forcing his cock further into the back of his throat.
“That’s a good boy,” he said again and Marcus lapped it up. He groaned onto Daniel’s cock as he felt it throb between his lips. He loved the taste and was so desperate to please.
“I know you can take it all,” Daniel said as he pressed on the back of Marcus’s head. He gagged hard but Daniel pressed again forcing his cock into the back of his throat. After three deep thrusts he let Marcus breathe, he took a deep breath in, letting the wetness drip from his mouth before immediately going back to licking and sucking at the lip.
"It was epic! I've never experienced a ride th. at before. Like, the most immersive experience ever! I can't-" Connor’s phone lit up on the table, it read,
Text Message _ Melissa Clark __ __ He glanced at it, expecting it to be his boss asking him to come in early for his shift like he did almost every Saturday. But when he saw her name, his mind went blank and he immediately started to panic. It had been nearly a month since the last message where they had agreed that it wasn't going to work for them to stay friends. _What could she possibly have to say?
"Are you okay?" Jasper asked, bringing Connor back into the room.
He looked up at his best friend who sat clutching his happy faced mug of coffee and was staring at him with a concerned expression on his face.
Jasper pressed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and adjusted in the hard wooden coffee shop chair. He was terrible with silence but know that he had to give Connor a moment to collect himself.
After a moment Connor took a deep breath and turned his phone around so Jasper could see the preview that had popped up on his Lock Screen on top of the beautiful picture he'd taken at the hotel pool in California.
Jaspers dark eyes widened, "Do you want to read it here?"
Connor looked around the coffee shop, it was that weird time after lunch only an har or so before they closed for the day, so it wasn't busy. All the way across the room was a young mother a who was obviously preoccupied with a young one in a stroller and another kid sitting at her feet playing with toy trucks on the floor. The only other people in the room where a couple older gentlemen playing cards.
"I guess,” he said picking up and unlocking his phone. Almost as quickly as he picked it up, he set it back down on the table and put his head in his hands.
"Whatever it is, we can handle it." Jasper tried to reassure him. " I’ll help you write a response. I promise she's not going to walk back into your life and make a mess of things."
When Connor lifted his head there were tears in his eyes. His soft brown hair was plastered to his forehead and his lip quivered as he said, "I think she's going to do exactly that. She's pregnant.”
"But, how?”
"I mean, I don't think she did this to purposely mess up my life. Of course she didn't, she never wanted this. But fuck, how am I supposed to pay for a kid? I was trying to save up to finally go to college. Wait," Connor interrupted himself to look at Jasper who was running his hands through his thick dark hair. "Did you just ask how? I'm pretty sure you know where babies come from even though you're fucking dudes.”
For a moment they laughed. But a tear quietly ran down Connors face.
You cross your fingers as you unlock the mail box on the first floor of your apartment building. Today is day number sixty three of this ritual, but this is something you have been waiting a life time for. Since the very first time you wrote your name. Of course year parents gave you a complicated name so it took several more months than some of your peers to learn how to spell it correctly. Back then when you asked your parents to call you_ Ryan _they laughed, said your name was pretty and that you would get used to it. Your mother told you that she hadn't liked her name when she was your age either, but now, she loved having a unique name.
When you slide out the small stack of mail and see an envelope from the Government of Canada, you squeal then quickly look around to make sure no one heard. You dash to the elevator and press the button for the tenth floor with more enthusiasm than you probably ever have.
Its the slowest ride ever up to your apartment with the envelope clutched to your chest. For a moment you consider tearing it open right there but think this is something you want to read alone in your apartment.
When you unlock the door Lucy is there to great you. She screams and winds her way between your feet flicking her tail as you my to untie your shoes. After a few failed attempts you give up and slump down onto the concrete floor of your apartment and lean up against the door.
Before you tear the envelope open you pause and take a deep breathe, this is the day you've been waiting for.
They had only been dating for one month when Jake casually laughed out, "this is exactly why I love you."
The second the words left his lips his eyes went wide with panic. They hadn’t even decided if they were boyfriends yet,_ he couldn’t love him yet, could he? _Jake was known for blurting out the most random honest confessions after he'd had a couple beers, his last confession had been about peeling in the shower, not something any of his friends needed to know. But confessions of love? This, this was new to him, and he couldn’t even blame it on being drunk.
After a few moments of being completely absorbed in his own spiralling thoughts, beer held awkwardly midway between the table and his mouth, he realized the conversation around him had moved on. The bar erupted into cheers at whatever sports game was playing on the TV above his head. But when he looked up, the on,y thing he noticed was Ryan looking right at him.
Jake took a sip of beer as casually as possible, trying not to let his hand shake as he analyzed Ryans expression. He didn’t look shocked. He looked playful, like he was waiting with curiosity to see what would came out of Jake's mouth next. His fluffy blonde hair fell over one eye and he batted it away absentmindedly without breaking eye contact, then raised an eyebrow as if asking a question.
A blush rose into Jake's cheeks, but he was thankful that his darker complexion hid it some as Marcus, the friend sitting beside him, leaned over, put his arm around Jake's shoulders and asked, "did you see that? That goal was epic."
Of course Jake had no idea what he was talking about, he never payed attention to the game during these nights out, it was just a good excuse to get out with the boys mid week. He missed boys nights now that some of them were starting to get married and have kids. But before he had a chance to make up an answer, Marcus was pulled back to the excitement on the TV.
When Jake turned back toward Ryan, he slid his hands across the table but still didn't say a word. His heart beat in his throat as he reached out and laced their fingers together. Suddenly, he realized this is the first guy who had came out to game night without needing to be convinced, and he wasn't afraid to show affection in front of the boys.
This one is a keeper, he thought as his lifted his eyes from Ryans soft hands to meet his eyes again. A wide grin spread across his face as he stared at the beautiful boy who looked so at home sitting in this dive bar among his oldest and rowdiest friends.
As the crowd erupted in cheers again Ryan squeezed his hand and mouthed,_ I love you too._
The show was about to start. Alex tapped their foot and absentmindedly ripped tiny pieces of paper from the sheet they held in their hands. They’d been attending this show for almost a month, writing almost their entire life, but that night was the first time they’d decided to get up on stage.
The MC was dong their pre-show spiel, trying to get the crowd all riled up. The people seated around them cheered and banged on the table, but Alex kept their head down as their stomach did somersaults.
As the cheering died down, their partner, Storm, waved her hand to get their attention, but Alex's eyes didn't leave the paper clutched in their hands. Yesterday their fingers had been nearly perfectly manicured, but today almost all of them were chipped and two had broken off completely. Storm watched as they chewed on their thumb. They were such a beautiful idiot.
After Storm said there name three times while the MC explained the rules in the background, she tapped her foot against Alex’s under the table.
"Ow! What was that for?" Alex asked, finally looking up and narrowing their eyes. Their curls had gittten just long enough a few fell across their face as the scowled. "That didn't hurt, you baby,” she laughed. "I was trying to get your attention, but you were oblivious. You need to relax." They sighed, eyes softening as they looked across the table at their partner. Storm held her hands out palms up and they took them. After a minute they said," I don't know if I can do this.”
Just as storm said, “You can." The MC called,_ Alex Baker! _Of course they drew the short end of the stick and their name was drawn first.
Alex looked like they were going to puke as they stood nearly knocking over their chair in the process. They swallowed hard, grabbed the piece of paper that was now sitting on the top of the the small wooden table and fumbled their way to the stage, weaving around the other tables that crowded the tiny space. Everyone in the room was silent. As they reached the edge of the stage the mc smiled and stepped down to allow them to step up to the mic. at that exact moment, Alex's foot caught on the bottom step to the stage and they fell hard, hands landing on the platform of the stage and their paper fluttering to the floor. In the audience, storm gasped, she stood, but resisted rushing to the edge of the stage.
As Alex stood, face beat red, an audience member grabbed their paper and handed it to them and asked, "are you okay?" Alex was pretty sure this stranger was a regular, they had definitely seen them here before. It was impossible not to remember a six foot fall androgynous babe who always ware black combat bootsvvvb with the cutest_ femme outfits. Today, they were wearing a _white dress with sunflowers on it. Alex smiled and nodded at them even though they were on the verge of tears.
As they grabbed the paper, the stranger whispered, "you got this!”
The beach is the best place to be just before sunset. To watch the blazing hot sun of late afternoon, slowly disappear over the horizon leaving the sky a perfect shade of cotton candy. I wish I could reach out and grab a handful, feel it slowly dissolve on the tip of my tongue. I wonder what a sunset would taste like.
I want to play at the edge of water, just before it gets too cold to swim. Wiggle my toes into the warm sand.
I want to paint the sunset on the back of my eyelids so I can always remember the way the sun reflects sherbet onto the surface of the ocean.
Her hands trembled as she read the note on her windshield: 'I know your secret.’ Nervously, she scanned the parking lot filled with regular people. Who could possibly know? She had been so careful. She rubbed the soft spot on the back of her neck abstinent mindedly.
There wasn't anything particularly interesting about the note. It was written on a piece of lined paper that looked like it had been torn from a notebook. And the words were scrawled messily in blue ink like the person who wrote it was in a hurry. Why would they leave it here of all places? The University parking lot was a wide open space in the middle of nowhere. It could have easily been grabbed by someone else or blown away.
Wait, how did they know her car?
When she looked up, she noticed a man standing a few cars away. He had one hand on the door of his black Tesla, but he’d paused and was looking at her curiously. One thick black eyebrow was raised and he looked as though he wanted to say something. She smiled, raised the piece of paper and said, "Old school communication."
The stranger laughed. "I love it. Are you an English major?" He let go of the handle on his car and walked a few steps toward her.
She quickly scanned his features to determine if she’d met him before. Curly black hair, long but tied up messily on the top of his head. Big, round eyes, looked green but he was standing just far enough away she couldn't quite tell. Thick, pink lips and a few freckles across his nose. The results were inconclusive, there were too many boys here that looked exactly the same.
The scan only took a few seconds, but he was already staring again.
He asked a question, she reminded herself. "Oh, no, I'm actually a psychology major. What about you?" As soon as the question left her lips she regretted it. She didn’t mean to invite a conversation with this man, no matter how pretty he was. Was he pretty? She needed to get home so she could analyze the note. Captain would be furious if she was discovered.
"Psychology makes sense," he answered. "You seem really thoughtful. That's probably a weird thing to say.” He bit his lip. “I'm a math major, so I'm not all that good with people. My name is Jason, by the way."
“I'm Azure.” She smiled and tightened her hands on the strap of her backpack. “And you seem plenty fine at people to me.” She hadn't had enough conversations with people to know how to politely to get out of this one. And what if he happened to be the note writer? It seemed unlikely but she didn't have any leads yet.
“That’s kind of you to say.” He took a few more steps forward so he was standing only a few feet away. "I was about to go to the campus bar to study, do you want to join?” He smiled in that way that made Azure believe he was desperate for her to say yes.** **This is one of those moments where she wished she had inherited her mothers mind reading skills.
Learning to understand boys like him _was _part of the job too, the note could wait a couple of hours. “Okay, but let's walk,” she suggested, knowing she couldn't risk him getting into her car. It looked normal on the outside but the tech inside wouldn’t be familiar to him. And there was no way she was going to get into his car.
"Sure," he shrugged. "Where are you from by the way? I can't place your accent.”
Her heart jumped into her throat as she stuffed the note into the top of her backpack. Before turning back to face him she took a deep breath, she’d been put on the spot many times during training, she could do this. And it was normal for people to ask where you’re from, she knew that.
"I moved around a lot growing up. So, my accent isn’t really from anywhere in particular."
…
At the bar she fumbled through what to order and ended up with a beer that was much more bitter than she liked but would never admit it. After they’d touched their glasses together in what he’d called cheers, Azure reached down, unzippped her bag and took out her social psychology textbook book.
“Oh, you actually want to study?” Jason asked, surprised.
“Isn’t that what we came here for?”
"That is what I said," Jason paused and looked at her in that strange way again. "But, I guess I was hoping we could just talk." Blush rose into his cheeks and he looked away.
"Oh, yeah we can talk." She didn’t understand why people didn’t just say what they meant. Azure closed her text book and folded her hands on top of it. "So….the reason I’m actually taking psychology is because I don’t really understand people.” She didn’t blush, but she nervously rubbed her thumbs together. When Jason didn’t say anything she continued. “I know it’s pretty embarrassing to be twenty two and not know how to interact with people, but I moved around so much that I stopped trying to make friends by the time I was thirteen. How’s that for an overshare?”
Jason laughed hard like it had escaped his body even before he was aware that it was coming. But he quickly put his hand over his mouth. "Sorry," he blushed again. “I swear I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because I get it. Not that I moved around a lot, but I definitely didn't have that many friends growing up. I was one of those kids who spent most of his free time with one friend in my parents basement playing videogames. Now, that definitely makes me sound really cool. Want to be friends?” He laughed again, but this time it sounded different, maybe like he was a bit uncomfortable.
"I mean, making friends is kind of part of my homework.” Azure took another big sip of her beer and even though she was only about a third of the way through the glass, she could feel it in her cheeks.
"Yes!" Jason answered much more enthusiastically than she anticipated. "Us hanging out can actually be studying!"
After two hours and another beer, this time something a lot more fruity, she realized she needs to get out of there or she was going to say something she’d regret. So she pushed back her chair and announced, “I better go and get some actual studying done.”
“Wait! Let me at least get your number.”
Azure didn't have a regular number, but she had downloaded a couple of apps so she could communicate with her teachers. She scanned quickly through the options to determine which would make her seem the least dorky. “Do you have Discord?" She asked. He nodded and she pushed her notebookacross the table so he could write down his username.
"I’m going to stay and actually study, but it was nice to meet you." Jason said as he pushed a loose strand of hair behind his ear. He looked like he was going to stand but decided against it.
"Nice to meet you too," for the first time Azure felt like she actually meant it.
Back at her car, Azure was still thinking about her time with Jason. He was a bit of a weirdo but in a way that made her feel, almost comfortable. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she almost didn't notice the note on her windshield. This time it read: ‘You don't think you can be normal, do you?’
March 12th - Danny
I chickened out again. This time I got as far as saying ‘I have something important I need to tell you’, but when it came down to it I couldn't actually say it. He looked at me so, I don't know, like he was worried. His face always gets soft when his worried, like his whole body knows he needs to be gentle.
Caleb has always been way more gentle with me than with anyone else. He probably doesn't notice, but he never puts on the tough black boy persona with me. It might be because we've known each other practically our whole lives, but I like to think our relationship is different. I can't believe I just wrote that down, how embarrassing.
Anyway, I panicked when he looked at me like that, so I told him that I thought my moms were going to get a divorce. I have no idea why that was the first thing that popped into my head. But now I'm screwed. He loves my moms like they are a second set of parents. He's supposed to be coming over this weekend for a family diner, so I need to fix this by then. But, I don't know how.
March 15th - Danny
It’s Friday. I'm going over to Caleb’s tonight for our regular movie night and I've spent hours trying to figure out what to say. I probably have ten minutes until mama knocks on my door to ask if I'm ready to go and I'm no closer to figuring out how to talk to Caleb than I was two hours ago. You'd think this wouldn't be that hard since we've known each other forever, but that makes it even harder, I think. His opinion is the only one that really matters.
I need all the luck tonight, its my last chance to figure this out before family dinner.
March 15th - Caleb
My therapist told me writing down my feelings might actually help me feel them. But, what if I don't want to feel them? It’s easier if I don't, right? I don't hear any of my friends talking about their feelings, and some of them are going through harder shit than me. But, my therapist will be checking to see that I've done my homework so I might as well try...I guess.
I didn't think my parents divorce would land me here. Not that therapy is anything to be ashamed of, but this has more to do with them than it does me. I’m honestly relieved they're finally getting a divorce, even though it’s hard for mom to make rent now. At least they aren’t constantly yelling at each other anymore. And maybe the court will actually get dad to pay child support, I won’t be 18 for more than year and Kai is only 15.
I don't know what else I am supposed to write.
Everything else in my life is pretty normal, sure I'm not doing that great in school, but l’m not failing either. And I’d rather draw anyway. Mr Brennen thinks I could get into art school. But, I’d need to be good enough to get a scholarship to make that happen.
Anyway, Danny is coming over in an hour and I'm going to try to convince him to watch this new slasher film that’s getting the worst reviews. It’s going to be epic. Until next time, I guess.
March 16th - Danny
I did it. But I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it. Yes, I knew you're not a real person and I'm not really talking, but I haven't even sorted out my feelings yet.
March 16th - Caleb
So, I didn’t think writing here was going to be helpful but something happened last night and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. Maybe there’s something to writing it down? Worth a try, right?
I kissed Danny. Yep, I've never kissed a boy before and the first boy I kiss is my best friend. When he came over last night I knew something was up, he was acting all weird and nervous, and he never gets nervous around me.
First, he told me he lied about his mom's getting a divorce, which was a shock, and with everything my family has been going through I didn't think he would lie to me about something like that. At first I was mad, like fuming out of my ears kind of mad. But something about the look on his face, there was definitely more to it and he looked, almost panicked. An expression I’d never seen in his face before.
He wouldn't make eye contact, he was fidgeting with his hands and biting his lip when he finally blurted out, "I have a crush on a boy." When he looked up at me his cheeks were pink and he had tears in his eyes. Without thinking I leaned forward and kissed him.
He was surprised, but he did kiss the back. Which is good, I think. He was so, soft. Is it weird to call a boy soft? Whatever, I didn’t expect his mouth to be so soft, since he’s kind of a tough boy.
But anyway, after a moment he pulled away and asked me about the movie I wanted to watch and we didn't talk about it again. And on top of that it was the most awkward goodbye. I wanted to kiss him again, but I have no idea if he wanted me to. I tried to go in for a hug, but he reached out his hand and fist bumped me. Ugh.
I'm not sure who his crush is, or if I made it clear I like boys. This is a disaster.
March 16th - Danny
Okay, I need to talk about this and usually I would talk to Caleb, but he's the last person I want to talk to right now.
So I said I did it, but I only sort of did. I know, I'm a mess.
For some reason saying the words I'm gay feels impossible. I know that’s ridiculous considering my moms are gay, but there isn't a single gay kid at school and growing up in the middle of nowhere isn’t exactly the best place to be gay. Guys at school who still use the f word to make fun of the slightly less masculine boys in class. Gross. And sure, I’m not femme but it’s a huge deal to be out in this town. I guess, it’s a huge deal to be out anywhere, but it feels harder in a place like this. I feel, so alone.
Anyway, so rather than telling Caleb I’m gay, I told him I have a crush on a boy. Which is technically true and gets my point across. But rather than saying anything he kissed me. And I kissed him back. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Don’t get me wrong, I _wanted _to kiss him, but like, why did he kiss me? Was it pity?
I feel like I need to hide forever but he’s coming over for dinner Sunday. I have no idea how I’m going to be around him. It’s going to be weird and then moms are going to know something is up and ask.
I really can’t lose my best friend. There is no way I will survive the rest of high school without him. I didn’t expect it to go like this.
March 17th - Caleb
I’m going to Danny’s soon and I need to tell him I like boys too. How can I do that without being weird?
March 17th - Caleb
I told Danny I like boys, his only response was ‘cool.’ What am I supposed to do with that?
March 22nd - Danny
It’s movie night and I’m not sure I should go. I know that’s silly, Caleb and I have been doing Friday night movie night since forever. I definitely don’t have a good enough excuse to cancel, but I don’t want to watch movies. Everything has changed.
Okay, I know that sounds a little dramatic. We talked briefly at family dinner last weekend and Caleb told me he’s into boys. He’s not sure if he’s bisexual or what yet, but at least I know it wasn’t a pity kiss. I think, at least. The rest of the week we pretended everything was normal, but it doesn’t feel normal. I have no idea if he sees me as more than a friend, or if he ever will.
Spending all night together just the two of us is a bad idea.
March 23rd - Danny
So…..I went to movie night and it was…honestly I don’t even know what it was. It was weird, but not in the way I expected AT ALL.
We had the same argument we always do about which movie to watch first. Caleb loves his crappy thrillers and gruesome horror movies where I am more of a hallmark rom com kind of boy. Caleb is the only boy that knows that though. I will take that one to the grave.
Of course Caleb won, like usual, but he sat so much closer to me. Sure, it’s not a big couch, but normally we each lean towards our own arm rests, check our phones and such, but last night he sat right in the middle, his hand only a few inches from mind. Was I imagining it? I don’t think so, but maybe? Am I over thinking it? Most definitely.
But also, when we ate pizza between his movie and mine, he sat on the floor, practically right between my legs. It was impossible not to brush up against his back every time I reached for a slice. Not that I minded, he has such a strong back from playing basketball with his neighbourhood friends. But did he sit there on purpose? Did he notice each time I brushed up against him? Did he want me to?
This is why I don’t date. Well, and the fact that there aren’t any out gay boys in this entire city.
March 23rd - Caleb
Two things:
One, I hate that my therapist was right; this is working.
Two, why are boys impossible? I know I should talk to Danny, but what if he has a crush on someone else? Then, if I say something it will just be awkward. Things have been mostly back to normal this week. But, movie night. Oh my fuck, movie night.
I was, I dunno, trying to flirt or whatever. But I don’t think Danny was picking up my signs. Or, maybe he was, just ignoring them. But, he did lean over me quite a few times to grab pizza, I could practically feel his breath on the back of my neck.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, he didn’t wear his typical grey sweatpants and hockey T-shirt either. He wore these dark blue joggers and tight black v neck. I’ve never had his muscles so, in my face before, but wow.
Sure, I’m around the boys in the neighborhood all the time, and I’ve noticed.p so e of them. But they’re always in their baggy basketball shorts and tank tops, and they’re all long and lanky. Most of them haven’t filled out yet. Still look like boys, ya know? But something about the… what would I call Danny? A thick hockey boy? Wow, not sure that’s what I mean, but he’s broad and has thick muscular legs, which, I’ve never noticed before. But that’s not the point. I have no idea if he likes me, no idea if he’d ever be into a boy like me.
Yes we’ve been best friends forever, but we are so completely different.
March 24th - Danny
I’ve been staring at my phone since I first opened my eyes this morning willling Caleb to text. He’s into boys but would he ever be into a jock like me?
Fuck it, I’m calling him.
"I invited him out on Saturday and he said he already had plans to go to the brewery with a group of friends, but he said I could join.” Mira leaned back against the headboard and kicked gently at her best friends ribs in an attempt to make her laugh. Jesse was lying across the foot of the bed head hanging over the side. Her hair hung almost to the floor and a tiny sliver of her stomach was exposed between her dark blue pjs and tank top.
"So?" Jesse asked.
"So...Does he actually want me to go?" Mira chewed on the edge of her lip.
"He invited you, didn't he?" Jesse pulled herself up to sit cross legged.
"He did. But that doesn't necessarily mean he_ actually_ wants me to come. I really wish you understood boys, it would make my life so much easier."
"Ha!" Jesse grabbed Mr wiggles and tossed him across the room at Mira. "It would make my life so much easier if you were into girls."
"Who says I'm not?" Mira replied with a smile as she grabbed the stuffed racoon and pulled him into her lap. She rubbed at his left ear that looked like a bite had been taken out of it. Mr wiggles had been in the family as long as either of them could remember, but neither of them knew what happened to his ear.
"I mean you've been obsessed with boys since before you could walk.”
Mira rolled her eyes. "Now you're starting to sound like my dad, there is absolutely no way you remember that far back, even though you're_ almost_ a year older than me." She pushed Jesse’s knee with her foot like she was attempting to topple her off the end of the bed. "Plus, just because I am obsessed with boys doesn't mean I can't like girls too. Maybe there just hasn't been any girls that have piqued my interest yet."
"But there are so many hot, and interesting, girls at this school." Jesse pulled an elastic from her wrist and tied up her long dark hair into a messy bun. "And college is the time to experiment, isn't it?” She winked.
"If there are so many girls at this school, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Mira tossed Mr wiggles back. He bounced of Jesse's shoulder and landed on the boring grey carpet of their dorm room.
The girls had practically been best friends in the womb, and Mira knew that despite having everything going for her, Jesse was painfully shy. The only girl she dated in high school was Mel, captian of the volleyball team. That girl was fierce and confident and didn't even hesitate in asking Jesse out when she transferred into their school in the tenth grade. But they had parted ways on good terms earlier that year as they were attending college on opposite sides of the country. Melissa on a sports scholarship on the west coast, while Jesse was pursuing a degree in writing in the east.
"You know I'm picky," Jesse said finally as she climbed off the bed to retrieve Mr wiggles from the floor. "And I like a sporty girl, but haven't really had the time to go to many games, my writing classes are harder than I thought they would be.”
When Jesse turned around Mira was curled up knees to her chest looking down at her phone in the lap of her bright pink pajamas. Her long brown hair hung in her face so Jesse couldn’t see her expression. "Are you even listening?" Jesse asked.
"You know I am, I'm just also over thinking what to do about Drew. If you want, the volleyball team plays a home game this Friday night if you want to go.” She smiled, then quickly added, “Don't ask me why I know that." She looked up a smirk had completely taken over her face. Her mouth curled in a way that made her look up to no good and there was a little twinkle in those stunning blue eyes.
“Okay fine, but how do you suggest I meet anyone?" Jesse scooted up the bed and sat next to Mira, back against the head board. The dorm beds were small, so they sat shoulders pressed together. Jesse sighed and put her head down on Mira. This had become a comfortable position since Mira had grown almost a foot taller than her in the summer between eight and ninth grade. Jesse often found herself leaning up against her best friend like a lifeline.
"You really just need to talk to people babes," Mira a looked down and wished Jesse could see herself the way she saw her.
"You know its not that simple. Maybe I should get my hair cut so its easier for girls to tell I'm gay.” She turned her head to look up at Mira and noticed she was looking at her with a curious expression. “What?” she asked.
Mira sighed, and ran her fingers through her hair as a slight blush rose into her cheeks. "You know you're beautiful, right?" Before thinking, Mira placed her left hand on Jesse's cheek, then leaned down and kissed her.
Jesse automatically pulled her closer and relaxed into the kiss. It felt so familiar, so comfortable. But when a knock came at the door, the girls sprang a part and Jesse yelled, “Coming." There was a look of panic in her eyes.
