Sam Simpson

Way too fond of comedy shows, also likes Lovecraftian horror… bit of a weird combination but I’ll make it work eventually. In terms of nonfiction I’d also like to be a journalist of some kind (likely freelance).

Writings

Followers

Following

Sam Simpson

Writings

Followers

Following

Blitz Duels: Another short story. (I still have no ideas. My ego, no….)

Sam Simpson

2 min read

Blitz Duels. The most scuffed kit on the Hypixel network. There were so many sub-kits, like Troll and Pigman. I figured I would mess with my friend HowTaffii and use the Troll kit, which gifts an invisibility potion, among other things. However, I needed to first play normally. The long con.

So first I selected my usual kit, Reaper. I was outfitted in part dark leathers and part chainmail, a black...

Priest-Man Betrayed!

Sam Simpson

1 min read

In the first tale of my religious zeal, I made a near-fatal error.

And yet I have returned to my usual manner, with zero explanation needed—a good thing too, because none will be given.

In the months since my last entry, I have enlisted the help of a sidekick of sorts—the Robin to my Batman (except not heathen), if you will. His alter-ego is Choir Boy, which is ironic, as that is his actual profes...

Humour

SkyWars: A Short Story (because I have no other ideas leave me alone)

Sam Simpson

1 min read

“Alright,” I thought, “time to pick Farmer kit, with those amazing diamond pants that you cannot get at the middle island.”

“Wait, no—no, no…. bruh.” The game had already started, and I was using Enderman.

“Seriously? Enderman? I have literally one pearl which I can only use after 30 seconds. Bruh.”

I attempted to leave my spawn island, but my enemy was a camper—he sat on his island with a bow, an...

The Greatest Adventure

Sam Simpson

1 min read

Well, I was fucked.

How was I supposed to give a grand speech on the meaning of life when I didn’t have any clue what I even thought about it myself?

“Professor?”

Professor Eli Alcindor. Professor of Philosophy at Springfield University.

I didn’t even think *he* was qualified to tell someone what life was about. Let alone me, a nerd with zero qualifications.

I thought for minute, and I remembere...

Unfortunate

Sam Simpson

1 min read

“Hey there. It’s me, and by me I mean you. What the hell. Why did I decide to write a letter? Nobody even writes letters anymore. I suppose it was the only logical conclusion to make, though. Anyhow, I am in grave danger, and if you do not help me I will die.”

These words were contained in a pristine envelope, addressed to my name and address. The sender was also my address, and the date was a da...

Humour

Avery (1)

Sam Simpson

2 min read

If someone were to believe that a tornado had passed through my apartment, I would not have blamed them.

But it was in reality far worse. I saw my roommate in the corner, in an undershirt and boxers, rooting through a cupboard.

“Where’d you put my painkillers?” He asked, shooting me a glare.

“If you can’t govern yourself, I’ll have to. I’m not about to call the cops on you but I can’t let you kil...

Crime, mystery & thriller

Stranger In A Strange Land — Part II

Sam Simpson

3 min read

I woke up. For the past few years, scientists had tested me to try to understand my survival—to no avail. I was a biological mystery, even to them.

Yet, finally, it seemed as though someone may have found a solution. This person was a Professor of Biology at the University of Lux, located in the city of Fortitude, the last arctic stronghold of mankind.

We had for hundreds of years been punished ...

Stranger In A Strange Land

Sam Simpson

3 min read

I was a young man full of hopes, and of dreams. I left home on an expedition for science. I was to brave the Arctic Circle, and study the ecosystem there. Yet near the beginning of my excursion upon the HMS Heinlein, I had too much to drink on the deck of the ship. And as a terrible storm grew in the night, I lay in a drunken stupor, unable to move and not fully aware of my surroundings. I was was...

Science fiction

A Marxist Goes To The Stock Exchange

Sam Simpson

2 min read

One fine day in October, Vladimir the Marxist-Leninist went to New York. ‘Perhaps’, he mused, ‘I vill go to ze ztock exchange, and see how the capitalist svine do their business.’

Of course, Vladimir had no intention of radical action—he was a communist, not a terrorist. And yet he vaguely wanted to demonstrate his ideology’s superiority. A task he acknowledged would be difficult given that an act...

Humour

The Brilliant Reveal of Priest-Man

Sam Simpson

3 min read

It was a dark and stormy night—God would disapprove of this. I stood atop the spire of my private church, which I bought.

Of course, as an incredibly wealthy televangelist, this purchase was hardly an inconvenience for for me.

(As easy as it was for God in the highest to wipe out those unicorns in the great flood.)

Beneath me, in a dark cobble alley, stood some common lackeys of Satan: two women w...

Humour