xoxojennal
A 25 year old hot mess who tries to balance not falling completely apart and living . . .
xoxojennal
A 25 year old hot mess who tries to balance not falling completely apart and living . . .
A 25 year old hot mess who tries to balance not falling completely apart and living . . .
A 25 year old hot mess who tries to balance not falling completely apart and living . . .
I see a stranger that’s stranger than before
I see someone yearning, aching for more
I see someone scared, lost and alone
I see some searching and searching for home
…
A home that doesn’t exist
She’s banging on the glass with bloody fists
She’s mad , she’s wild .. she’s fucked up
She’s trapped , a prisoner, she is stuck
… staring at a image of herself
Wishing the the reflection would help
You loved me so fiercely that I burned Now only ashes remain Ashes blown by the wind, scattered Like the glass of a broken picture frame Empty , like somethings missing Under your skin like something itching A hole in a body that once was whole A body with no core , it’s missing the soul Who could’ve known that love could burn so deep That it’d leave body body in ashes at your feet
If wishes fell like rain , then certainly I am a storm Falling from the sky I meet your skin where it is warm I tap dance on the surface here to numb your pain The drought is finally over , here comes your savior rain And when all hope was gone and your river runs dry When your on your knees begging to the sky I’m an here to answer to be your saving grace Just thank me when you feel my rain drops dripping on your face
I knew this day would come I’ve fought the urge to run But here i am sinking in quicksand Here I am a girl with no plan But to get away .. to leave the place I wanna stay And I know it’s gonna break me But I need to be set free Before there’s nothing there It’s not like I don’t care I just need to get away Or I won’t make it another day …
There’s this feeling of joy . It embraces me so tightly it feels like I might suffocate but I can’t bring myself to pull away . If I could burry myself deeper into it I would but I’m already fully submerged and it’s not enough . I yearn for more .There’s a feeling of warmth , It runs through my veins . It warms my center and extends to every nerve I have within . My stomach feels unsettled at the thought of it .
I can’t help but feel my lips begin to curve into a smile . A smile like no other . A smile that beckons every bone in my body to smile with it . I wonder if anyone else has ever felt like this . I wish that everyone could feel like this . Like beautiful fireworks dancing with the nights stars . I can feel like light shelter me from every ounce of darkness . I am safe .I am protected by the strongest protector there is . This feeling is a feeling I hope I’ll never have to let go . I will cling to it with every bit of will my body has until there is none .
This feeling …
I will call it love .
My heart was still in my throat from when I got the call . The call that I would never forget. The call that told me you weren’t coming back … and as I sit here waiting I still can’t fully grasp it . Have you ever just shut down to the point where nothing makes any sense ? Well that’s exactly how I felt . Nothing anyone said made any sense . It all just felt impossible . I’m brought back to reality by a man calling myname . My reality is me sitting in a small white room where it’s cold and empty and feeling of dread fills the air . My reality is in this waiting room waiting to see you one last time .
And like I said it feels impossible
Emptiness is embracing me The thought of fear is chasing me And it wont go away And that is what makes me wish you stayed That is what kept my feet from movin and my head from thinking That is what kept me from drowning flailing and sinking But your not here anymore .. My eyes are wet my heart is sore