Backwards The way I don’t want to go But it seems the only direction I Can get any momentum

Forwards The way I long to go But it’s a star Always out of reach

Backwards The direction I’m falling Forwards The direction I’ll never go

I should be dead. They killed my family. They killed my friends. They ruined my life. And now. Now I’m all that’s left. I step outside my temporary hut and out onto the ice. A storm rages around me and cold seeps into every pore if my being. But I relish the pain. I deserve it. I shouldn’t have survived. I‘m the reason they came in the first place. If I’d never met Zhaire, never gotten to know him, never trusted him, never _fallen in love with him, _never made a deal with his people, my family, my whole entire species would be alive right now.

The sound of the wind is so complete in my ears I don’t realize I have a visitor until he walks up beside me and jostles my shoulder. Zhaire. Come back to gloat no doubt. I hate that I still feel drawn to him after all he’s done. Zhaire points towards the hut. Guess he came to talk. I have nothing better to do so I shrug a shrug he probably can’t see under my layers and head towards my makeshift home.

A few days later I’m boarding a ship, one that will take me away from the only home I’ve ever known. To a whole new planet in another starsystem. I might be all that’s left, I might be guilty, but I’m a survivor. So when Zhaire holds out his hand and motions for me to walk with him onto the alien ship, I don’t hesitate.

Gabrielle (Feb. 1): Diary, This month sucks. The whole stinking thing revolves around love. What about people like me who don’t have that? Well, okay I know that’s a lie and you do to—my family is awesome—but I want the romantic kind of love.

Brandon (Feb. 1): Diary, This is my favorite month of the whole year. insert happy face here Getting to spread love to those around me is one of the best things ever. Except…I do wish I had a person. I’m not ungrateful, just, well, sad I guess. Thought I’d have someone by now.

Gabrielle (Feb. 4): Diary, Sorry for skipping the last few days. Junior year is no joke. These AP classes give insane amounts of work. But where did I leave off last time? February sucks. Okay. So I have to be repulsive because there is no other explanation for why I’ve never had a boyfriend. Every time I get bold and ask someone out, I get rejected, and the rest of the time I’m too chicken to do anything about a crush. And no one’s ever come up to me and asked me on a date. Ugh. I’m a lost cause.

Brandon (Feb. 5): Diary, I’m alright not having a girlfriend for Valentine’s Day, but senior prom is coming up soon and there’s no way I can go that without a date. The last time I had a girlfriend was…oh wait! Never. I’m a lost cause. On the topic of school: In theory, college seemed like a good idea. The closer I get to graduation though, the more I feel like it’s not what I’m meant to do.

Brandon (Feb. 7): Diary, I think I have a crush. Gotta do homework right now, but I’ll write more on her later.

Gabrielle (Feb. 7): Diary, Life is making me want to flop onto my bed and faceplant into a pillow. If you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go do that.

Brandon (Feb 11): Diary, I’m gonna ask her out today.

Gabrielle (Feb. 11): Diary, I don’t really have time to write a lot but some guy was staring at me a little in one of my classes and giving me a weird look. I hope I didn’t have food in my teeth or crazy hair or something. But why else would a guy be looking at me? And a cute one at that.

Brandon (Feb. 12): Diary, I totally bombed it yesterday. But I’ll ask her today. For sure.

Gabrielle (Feb. 12): Diary, THE CRAZIEST THING JUST HAPPENED TO ME. Remember the guy that was looking at me the other day? I think he might’ve just been nervous because he ASKED IF I WANTED TO HANG OUT AFTER SCHOOL TODAY!!!! And for my number. I’m so afraid to text him. What if I scare him off?

Brandon (Feb. 13): Diary, Not only is she kind, and beautiful, but she’s ridiculously funny too. And really talented. We went to Brew-tique (which you know is my favorite coffee shop of all time) and she said she loves it and can’t wait to go back!! Do you think it’s too soon to ask her to be my valentine?

Gabrielle (Feb. 13): Diary, Yes, I know he’s the first guy who’s ever shown interest but like…is it too soon to say I think I might be able to love him? He’s not afraid of what other people think and is goofy and silly but not immature. He’s tall and just the right height for hugs (and hopefully someday kisses) and his glasses are just so endearing. We have plans to hang out again after school. This time at the library. (My favorite place ever.)

Brandon (Feb. 14): Diary, I had so much fun with her again last night. I think I’m going to ask her in a real date tonight.

Gabrielle (Feb. 14): Diary, I have a valentine. He’s amazing and awesome and great. And he’s not going anywhere for college next year, just doing a few online classes, so I think we might have a geniune chance of lasting.

Brandon (Feb. 14): Diary, Tonight was magical. I didn’t take her to some fancy italian restaurant, but what we did do was even better. I enlisted my mom to help make some food and later after I picked her up, we ate in a picnic blanket under the stars. I even got up the nerve to kiss her, which was even better than words can describe. I think I might love her. Or at least be able to.

Gabrielle (Feb. 14, Three Years Later): Diary, He asked me to marry him tonight!!!! I said yes, of course. All to think, that one moment of courage on his part shaped our lives so much.

Brandon (Feb. 14, Four More Years Later): Diary, There must be somethjng about this month, this day. Our precious Valentina was welcomed into the world just hours earlier. I am a father.

Gabrielle (Feb. 20, Same Year): Diary, We’re parents now!! squeeeeeaaaaalll And I no longer have anything against the month of love. Because it brought my two greatest ones to me.

The wind blows my hair. I’m standing on the edge again. One more step and I’ll fall into the crashing waves below. Somehow, this place is the most peaceful to me right now. _Mom used to love it here. _The thought makes me want to cry. I miss her. The woman who held me when I hurt but also never stopped pushing me to be better. Her disappearance two years ago rocked my whole world. I had no one to take care of me but a long lost relative I’d never met before. At only 16 I was too young to take care of if myself, but after turning 18 a few months ago and graduating shortly after, I moved back into the house. My real home is gone now though. Now I stand on the cliffs overlooking the ocean a few miles away from the house. Phantoms dance in the wind, their laughter weaving through my thoughts. One step…it would be easy. But life isn’t meant to be easy. So instead I turn away from the past and think about what I want to do tomorrow.

Torn from your life Like hands with paper Too easy

Didn’t get to say I love you I’m sorry Are you okay?

Yanked from your arms Like a rug under feet Stunned

Didn’t get to say I love you I’m proud of you How was your day?

Jolted from your love Like a lightning bolt through sky Fast

Didn’t get to say I love you I’m sorry Now I’ve been taken away.

It was over. And we had won. The victory was sweet on my tongue, a mix of sweat and blood. Blood. I stared at the carnage around me.

After a second absorbing my surroundings, the taste shifted, reminding me of the despicable things I had done to get here.

The honeyed flavor if victory faded into the sharp and spicy tang of shame.

“Can you tell a goodnight story Mama? Pleeeeaaasseeeeee?” My daughter’s big dark eyes, just like her father’s, look up at me. “I suppose darling. Settle in.” She leaps under the covers and stares expectantly. I chuckle and sit on the bed next to her. “Once upon a time…”

They used to call me General during the war. We were in the middle of a mission with a few other soldiers when something happened that changed the course of my life—and my kingdom. We had set up camp for the night, but I couldn’t sleep so I went for a walk in the forest that surrounded our camp. I was so deep in thought, that by the time I realized someone was behind me, they already had me in an inescapable hold. After a short conversation, my captor let me go—only for me to turn and hold my dagger to his throat. He told me his name and I told him mine, and I eventually lowered my dagger. We talked vaguely about life before I realized that I had heard his name before. He was the son of my father’s sworn enemy and heir to the kingdom we were at war against. I knocked him out swiftly—at that point he wasn’t expecting anything of the sort from me and was completely relaxed. I took him back to where we had set up camp and woke up my soldiers. We tied him up and determined that a few of us, including me, would take him back to my father, the King, while the rest finished carring out the missoon we were sent to do. On the journey back, he rode with me. Aerion (that was his name) was quite chatty, as well as cheery, for someone who had just gotten captured by the enemy.

“Mama!” A small ouraged cry pulled me out of my memories and back to my daughter next to me. “But Aerion is Daddy’s name right?” I smiled softly, proud of her for figuring out where this story was going. “Yes darling, but shush. You must let me finish the story.” I took her silence as agreement and continued.

Over time, he wore down all of our defenses and some of us even began treating him like our own. But he wasn’t, and I tried hard to remember that. It was difficult though, when every time I smiled at him or laughed at something Aerion said, he looked at me with such deep longing it pieces my hard heart. One day, I referred to us as friends and when he asked if I truly meant it, I firmly assured him that we were and I would not let the King kill him. We finally arrived at my home, the palace. I defended him in front of Father and Father agreed, albeit reluctantly, to let Aerion go home and attempt convincing his father to end the war. And although he tried, Aerion’s father was not a good man and wanted to take all of our resources. He refused to end the war. I am a little ashamed to admit it, but I snuck into Aerion’s father’s rooms that night and killed him. The next day Aerion was crowned King. After calling soldiers back into their respective kingdoms, the process of writing treaties began. One thing Aerion required though, to agree with anything, was that I marry him. Certainly, this surprised everyone, even myself, although later I realized that an action like this fit his character very well. I said yes, of course, and we lived happily ever after.

“The end.” I finish softly and kiss my daughter goodnight.