Do you hear that? That, dear friend, is the sound of the ocean, in all its crystal blue beauty, slapping up against pure white sand. No shutter sounds from cameras. No paparazzi yelling for me to “give me something they can print”. It’s delightful.

Do you know that I actually heard people calling my name so much that it didn’t even stop when I slept? “Kate! Over here! What’s really going on between you and Oliver Whitley?” “Kate! Why did you hire your ex as your personal security?” Sometimes that’s the only way I could tell it was a dream. There is no chance I would ever pay that piece of crap to come anywhere near me.

For seventeen years I lived in the eye of the public and it happened so quickly that I didn’t have a moments peace from the debut of ‘Clap Back’ which happened to be my first leading role in a feature film. I was nominated for best actress for my first film. Can you believe that? For my first movie. Of course, Lana Shane took home the statue, which she totally won fair and square. But it’s true, being nominated is incredible all on its own.

Three years ago I walked off set after the final shooting for my character and decided I was done. I walked to my car, drove to the security entrance and tossed my credentials to them. I sent an email to my agent, my publicist and my manager and told them all I had my fill. Then I shut off my phone, jumped on my laptop to reserve an Airbnb, a flight and to hire I crew to clear out my house in the Hollywood Hills. I put it on the market and it sold in 3 days. The sense of freedom I had when my realtor told me it sold was euphoric. I was no longer tied to that life. I did have a lawsuit for backing out of the rest of the 4 year contract I had with my agent, but we settled out of court and that was that.

I now live half the world away from the life I wasn’t allowed to live. People recognize me sometimes but they give me the space to maintain my peace.

Would I start at the beginning and do it all again? Not a chance, sister!

This is absolutely the last dating app I’m trying. I’ve been on three before this one and there wasn’t a single right swipe. Well, that’s not true. There was one, but I was actually trying to flick a piece of shredded cheese that fell off my taco from my screen. That DM was an awkward one. No offense to the guy, but he didn’t even check his profile picture before he posted it. I need a bit classier than someone smiling into the camera while sitting on the toilet. Mirrors, people. Seriously. But I’m giving it one last try with a new app aptly named “Why Not?”.

I’ve been scrolling for half an hour now, only partially paying attention while multitasking my way through some work files and dirty dishes. So far I’ve seen a couple I took note of that seemed like they may be interesting, if nothing else. But about six left swipes later I dropped my jaw and then I dropped my phone. And, no, it wasn’t because the man was ‘knock your socks off’ gorgeous, although he could definitely be considered as such. It was more or less the only response my brain had at the time to the shock of who the face belonged to. My very, very married ex husband, Thomas. Carly, his wife of SIX WEEKS, just got their wedding photos back and posted her favorites to all her socials. There are TikTok videos of the reception! Now, here is where I’m conflicted. See, I know it’s not an old account because he had shoulder length hair up until she asked him to cut it before the wedding and his hair is short here. So I could definitely show Carly the profile, but, she is the kind of person that would say I made this up and created this out of jealousy. I’m somewhat of a technical genius and I’m totally capable of doing that. Easy peasy. And since we got divorced because he left me for her, that could very easily seem plausible. I could email Thomas and tell him I know his secret. I could make a fake social and send Carly the link. I could also just leave it all the way alone. After pondering my options for what felt like hours, I decided the best thing I could do…was swipe right.

We haven’t met yet, but I’m very much looking forward to the day we do. I know that my expectations may be unrealistic, but I’m only familiar with the concept of love that comes from romance novels and Rom-Coms. Truth be told, I feel I deserve the kind of love I read about. Everyone who wants love does. But I understand that you may express love in your own way and I have to be open to it.

I have a few ground rules, though, since I’m putting my heart on the line.

1. No cheating. If you find that you want to be with someone else, even for just one night, leave me first.

2. Respect me as I will respect you

3. Be on my team

If you can do those things we will work out amazingly. Maybe first love can be first and last. If not, I will walk away with knowing it was a “you thing” and not a “me thing”.

I can’t wait to meet you. I’ll be the one with the green eyes and the laugh you can’t stop listening to.