NOTE: I am working or rewriting a book that I wrote in highschool

It was a dark cold wet december evening, my shift at the gas station was almost up. ten more minutes I kept thinking to myself then I could go home. I could finally see my baby girl after a long day at work. that was my favorite part of the day. She would always chill out with my roommate and I when I got home. we sadly started to like all the childrens shows that we swore we would never have our kids watch because they were so cringy. but here we are watching bluey at 8 oclock at night eating one of those natsty microwaveable meals.

7:30 hits “Finally, Im free” I said as I put on my black zip up hoodie and grabbed my back pack. I walked out of the store from the locker rooms in the back and noticed that it was pouring outside. as I steped out of the covered area I sinched my hoddie until it was hugging my face and started the walk back. It was only a short walk no longer than fifteen minutes from my home but toninight it seemed longer. I could hear sirens in the distance rapidly getting closer until they passed. it was an ambulace. then I saw it turned down my street. Then it was the cops.

Anxiety rushed through my body and I started running towards the house. But I couldn’t seem to run fast enough. I finally turned down my street and I saw the ambulance at my house blocking the veiw of the drive way. I never stopped running I just wanted to know if my girl was safe, then I worried about Alex. Was he alright? a million questions and possiblites ran through my head. even when I was on the ground. I had been so worried about evreything that I didn’t notice the police officer that was trying to block my veiw.

“son you can’t go in there right now” He said with worry in his voice. “My daughter is in there” I mangaged to say as I got back up on my feet. “a paramedic will bring her out” He said “Is she alright” I asked as he was walking away “Son just wait here” He said as he turned to radio someone from in the house.

My head was pounding as it raced.I looked at the clock 7:45 it read. My heart pouding out of my chest I put my hand on my knees as an attempt to catch my breath. 7:46- the clock read still no sign of Paris. the minutes seemed slow 7:47, 7:48, 7:49 never looking up from my phones lock screen. Still nothing. I ran my fingers through my hair trying to wipe the sweat off of my face and onto my pants. 7:50 the clock read.

“Officer whats going on” I shouted trying to be heard over the cummotion then Finally movement but it wasnt someone bringing me my daughter. it was a strecher with someone on it. “Alex” I cried then it was two guys leading walking next to it one with the vitals and the other leading. Then Jayden with Paris. she was holding her face to her chest covering her ears as best as she could. She seemed to be walking slow evreything felt slow. She finally got to me as they were loading up Alex in the back of the ambulance.

“whats going on” I muttered as she face me with her tear filled eyes “He ODed” she sobbed “the police are going to have us follow them to the hospital” “was it accidentel” I probed “it didnt seem that way… he locked himself in the bathroom” she said wipping the tears off her face.

All I remeber next was getting into my car after the ambulace rushed off and waiting. Hospitals freak me out. you know how in movies they show the caracter sitting in normal time as the surrouding is timelapsed. thats bescause that is how it actually feels sitting in the waiting room waiting on any news from the nurses. The rest of the night went like that a blur of anxious waiting. for anything.

when I look in the mirror all I see is the person that I once was the person that was once filled with hope and childish dreams all grown up and filled with deep rooted scars the person that looks back at me is diffrent now; shes cold when she used to be warm. life has beaten her down. all the hope that once filled her soul is now a small speck of light in her blue eyes.

when I look in the Mirror that little girl that once looked back at me with a playful smile has been replaced with something that is forced. the woment that looks back in the mirror is almost reconziable but I cannot place the finger on it. she is the imgae of the deepst insecurties when she should be the person I hope to be.

when I look in the mirror I see anger and hurt when I should be seeing life and love, that has been absent in my mirror for a long time. I see dark when I should see light, my reflection is not something I long to gaze at instead I find myself looking away in disgust.

The hardest thing about looking in the mirror is looking at the women looking back at me in the eyes and telling her that she is beautiful. that she is doing great.

when I look in the mirror I dont see the little girl that I once was… but I know shes still there. shes being guarded by the women that looks back at me. the one that needs me to tell her she is beautiful. shes protecting the little one from the hurt and the ugly from the world around.

but when I look in the mirror I want to see the girl filled with life the girl that I once was the girl that had bid childish dreams. and one day she will be there looking back at me but for now I am the women that I created to protect her.

Black like the endless expanse of a starless night sky. Deep like an old hidden well. Scary like the darkness surrounding a haunted house. Blank as the absence of light sitting alone in the dark windowless room.

Red like a ragefilled heart, the blood that is boiling in your vains the hunger for revenge.

Gray with the love that was lost; the unwillingness to live with the death wish just born in ones heart. you see the Gray is now in the place where pink once was the pink that full of love and romance like with all blooming floweres they turn to grey.

Mannix had finally got the hang of this whole pirate life. he was out helping the crew dock. I was told to stay under the bunk. I had wrapped myself around his pack gaurding it. nobody bothered me though. I was just Mannix’s Bitch, his gaurd dog.

once they got the shipped docked Mannix whistled I put the pack in the cell and managed to cover it with straw then I headed above deck and sat down by his side. the captain gave his orders and the crew left the ship Mannix with them.

we finally got out of sight from the ship and the rest of the crew and Mannix put the necklace on me.

“hey, beautiful” He said with a smile on his face. “how long do we have” I asked blushing “until sundown” he said. grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the Inn.

at the Inn he gave the lady some of our gold coins and she gave him a key. I followed him up to the room.

…

I woke up in the bed with Mannix by myside. the first bed I had in weeks. “Wow” was all I manged to say.

“I know comfy right” He said gazing at me. “yeah, sure beats the wooden floor of the boat” I responded. “Im really sorry” he said kissing my forhead. “we should probably get going” I said “ we need to get supplies” “of course my love” He said with a smile on his face.

we left the Inn hand in hand and headed towards the market. "were are we” I asked “sand villages” he said “home of magic” I murmmered under my breath.

“I need you to do your other thing now” He said giving me a shit eating grin. the one he makes were he knows that we could get in trouble.

I knodded and started heading towards the crowed grabbing evreything and anything that I could fit in the pockets of my ragged dress.

we met close to the docks in an ally were I gave him the loot. and I took off my necklace and we headed towards the boots.

...

I layed under the bunk wrapped around the pack as normal. then I heard yelling I hurriedly put the pack in the jail cell and made it above deck were I was the crew around Mannix weapons drawn. I pushed my way to the circle garded and growling trying to protect my mate. but they got to him and they knocked me out.

next thing I knew I was in the jail cell with a chain on my ankle my love laying nexgt to me.

“Mannix my love are you okay” I manged to cry. cradling his head in my hands I didn’t get a reasponse his warm eyese were now blank and and where they stabbed him was done bleeding. I tryed shacking him screaming his name but nothing. I got nothing.

“Bitch shut up” yelled Nelson the whole crew was with him laying in there hammocks or around the dimmly litted table in the back

I mangaed to get to my feet. my head spinning “you killed him” I accused

no reasponse from them just laughing and drunken singing. “Im talking to you” I yelled loudly,

Nelson got up he was a langhty guy not big looking. He unlocked the cell and punched me. as I fell on the floor he grabbed Mannixs body and locked the door. “bitches stay quiet. or walk the plank” He said. “captains orders” he smirked.

the celabration of the summer solstice was booming there was loud music evreywhere and the lights were dancing. we were forrbidden working class, The son of the blacksmith and daughter of the cheif of the theif gild. we were completley diffrent classes, and very rarely ever mingle.

“Izayha you coming, the ships leaving” said mannix “yeah” I mangaged to spit out. “I need you to do the thing, they dont really have girl pirates” he said “okay” I said looking him in his eyes

I hated turning but I found a way to controll it. But in order for us to leave the main land I needed to, we needed to pass off as a boy and his dog. in my case it would be a wolf. a really big dog. but it could pass.

He grabbed my hand and we ran closer to the docks. we hid behind some wooden crates and I looked at Mannixs warm brown eyes and I took my golden neckelace off. "it just until we get to the next dock” he said as I handed it to him for safe keeping.

“come on” he said as he got up and walked towards the ship. I stayed on his hip as if I was his pet and that is what it needed to look like, but only we knew what we were.

he steped up on the ramp to the boat as the crew was loading the supplies. one of them stopped Mannix. A big looking guy with a red cloth around his head. he was mainly wearing leather.

“state you name and your buiness here” He said. “I had a deal with the captain Hawkins, let him know Mannix is here” “Nelson get the captain” he said “Let him know Mannix is here” “pretty pup” He said as he reached down. I started growling. “she’s not really the petting type… especialy to strangers” Mannix said as he reached down and scratched behind my ears.

The Captin came out of his quaters, He as tall tan and he had cold dark eyes. but evreything was dark. he was a big man. He looked at his crewmates and then looked at us. “william! show him where the bunks are” he finally said after looking us up and down.

The guy that had stopped us at the ramp stepped aside and nodded as it was to follow him. Mannix staggered behind him.

The sun was beating down and my skin was on fire. The sand was stuck on my skin and was in my long dark blonde hair. as I struggled to get up to my feet I noticed there was peices of wood on the shore.

I managed to prop myself up I didnt see the ship anymore. I dont remeber the day prior and I didnt see the rest of the crew that was on the ship. “Im finally free” I uttered to myself. I had been locked up under the boat for months. This was the first glance of sunlight since I left my home. and I am unsure how I got to this island alone.

The only thing that I had with me was my pack. maybe I mangaed to grab someting before I mangaed to escape. I clapsed to my knees to take a look. as I rubbed my necalace I looked. in my pack I manged to grab a pocket of gold coins and jewels, a jar of rum that they kept in barrels next to my cell. and my loves dagger and pocket compass.

“what happened” I asked myself. I looked back at the sea, I saw the ship that has been the baine of my existance sinking. it was silent. normally when ship goes down you see movement as the crew abandons ship but there was nothing as if there was not a living soal left, which lead my to my next question my secret invloved and how did I escape.