“NOVEMBER 30, 2028 - SEDWICK COUNTY NEWS Never trust a survivor until you know what they did to survive.” Read the newspaper headline.

“According to authorities, a woman who had been missing since 2007 and presumed dead since 2008, was found and rescued off the side of the road; beaten, bloody and stabbed four times in the stomach.

This woman’s name is Wrenly Hope, and she has openly given her statement on the events that transpired throughout her being abducted by four men who are now dead.

According to Ms. Hope, she was abducted when she was 7 years old by a man name Ryan Herley (47 - current age). Herley had been a family friend for most of her life, and was one of the first people to be interviewed by police as witnesses said he was the last to see and speak to Ms. Hope. However all leads ran cold.

Ms. Hope stated, “He locked me in his basement, starving me for a week then feeding me every two days. After I turned 10 that’s when he began the true abuse.” According to Ms. Hope, Herley began to sexually assult and abuse her. Even sharing her with three of his closest friends:

Trevor Dotz, William Doll, and Quinton Smith. The quartet of men grew up together in Juleburg, Colorado.

By the time Ms. Hope was 12 she had been introduced to all kinds of drugs; hallucinogenics, and other stimulants. “They said it was to make me more compliant.” Ms. Hope stated.

At the age of 13, Hope had fallen pregnant but the men beat her close to death and she miscarried. This happened many times throughout her being abducted; a total of 28 miscarriages according to Hope. Though traumatized she shared her experience dealing with these men.

“They didn’t see me as human. Only an object. A toy. They never failed to ensure that I didn’t forget it. There wasn’t one worse than the other. They were all cruel, monsterous. Beating me as they assulted me. Many times they nearly killed me; but because Smith had trained to be a doctor, he fixed me up. Only then was I able to sleep soundly.”

When we questioned her on how she escaped she quickly shut down. But after persuasion, and conformation from the police and her lawyer she shared the rest of the story with us. Viewer discretion is advised.

“I.. I convinced Dotz to untie me; he was the one who had the biggest soft spot for me when it came to me asking for things. He never did it without payment, though. So, when he began to force me… I bit it off. Something came over me and I began to beat him with every ounce of my strength. I didn’t stop until I knew he was dead. I then left the basement cell that they kept me in and went upstairs, I was thrown down the stairs by Doll before I could reach the top step. I tried to run but Doll was already on top of me. He began to assult me, saying he was going to punish me for hurting his friend. When I told him his friend was dead he stopped and went over to Dotz. I had grabbed a cinder block and hit Doll on the back of the head… I heard steps coming from upstairs so I hid. It was Herley. He found me, and began to beat me. I went unconscious and when I woke up I was back in the cell, tied up.

“Herley began to starve me again. Saying that if I was getting too much food, too much strength. Things got much worse than they were before. Every day, every hour, like clockwork. Beatings, assault, and starvation. I thought I was going to die.. until Herley made a mistake. He gave me a metal spoon… course most people say ‘you can’t hurt or kill someone with a spoon’, but they haven’t been in a life or death situation… in those times, anything can be a weapon. I gouged Herley’s eyes out. My goal was only to escape so when I began to run upstairs he grabbed me. He broke a few of my bones but when I was finally able to get out of his reach he couldn’t find me again. I grabbed a shovel and beat him to death with it.

“I left the basement and ate until I threw up. I began to leave through the back door, but seen Smith outside walking up to the house. I got scared and ran back inside and tried to get out through the front door but, he caught me before I could even get halfway to it. I fought him, hitting him with my head. He fell back towards the kitchen and he grabbed a knife. He stabbed me, four times. He thought I was dead, honestly so did I. I woke up and he was gone. I heard movement downstairs so I grabbed the knife he had dropped next to me. I stood behind the basement door waiting for him.”

When we asked her why she didn’t just run away, Hope said this; “he was the worst of them, he had assaulted, tortured and killed 7 other girls in other cities; told me himself. He needed to die. Otherwise he would have kept doing it… so I stabbed him over and over again until I couldn’t recognize his face.

“It was out of pure anger, but also for my own personal safety. If he survived, I know he would have hunted me down. But that was if I survived being stabbed. I had ran away, trying to find a road. But by the time I did I was so dizzy and tired. I passed out.”

Ms. Hope’s goal now is to heal and to remain in a mental health facility until she is no longer a threat to herself or to others.

“Killing a man, let alone four, takes a toll on you. It takes something away from you, inside. Like, a piece of your soul. Eye for an eye, right? Guess this goes for souls too. I’m a survivor, but in my eyes; I’m already dead.”

So don’t trust a survivor until you know what they went through to survive. But Ms. Hope is more than a survivor, she became a victor in the face of defeat.”

Wrenly finished reading the news article on her laptop; sighed and then went downstairs in her house. Herley was tied up, hanging by his wrists from the ceiling; bruised, beaten, and bloody. His eye missing; dry blood stained his face. She grabbed a fillet knife from off the stainless steel table in front of him.

“They all think you’re dead. I was lucky that they believed that bullshit story I fed them. Ate it up like starving dogs.” Wrenly chuckeled. “But after today, you’ll wish you were dead… the past two weeks were only child’s play. The coming weeks, will make you regret your decisions, and wish that I wasn’t a survivor.”

The Herley wriggled and breathed heavily in anger and fear. Wrenly smiled evilly as she places the knife against his chest; “let’s get to work, shall we?”

In this world all things are backwards. Love is now hate. Patience is now rage. Protection is now projection. Loyalty is now infidelity. Companionship is now loneliness.

The idea of family is lost. The idea of happiness is gone. In a world where we are meant to live life, We allow ourselves to be crushed by death.

We cannot continue to live in a world like this. Corruption, misguidance, incompetence, and lack of accountability. This is our world now.

Allowing those to invade our land in order to take advantage of our freedom. Protecting those who commit heinous crimes. Pretending to be blind to the truth that is in our faces. The truth is there. It always has been.

But instead of truth, people accept what’s backwards. The accept only lies to make themselves feel better. They believe the ones who are trying to help are trying to hurt them. They believe those who pray for them are condemning them to hell. They believe the absolute opposite of what the truth tells.

They are backwards in their thinking and beliefs. They are backwards on the idea of help. Instead they wish to lay waste to the land they live on, or the land they wish they could have - instead of caring for the land they come from, or the land they have come to rest in.

In order to be happy, you first must take care of what it is that makes you happy. Otherwise, it will crumble to the ground. Like a landslide of all your hopes and dreams for the future.

This world is backwards in its way of thinking. The enemy is now our friend and our friend is now our enemy. But the enemy smiles in your face but wishes for your down fall; while your friend prays for your success and health.

Do not think backwards in these times, because thinking backwards will continue to set us back from the potential future of joy, happiness and peace.

Those who forget the past, are bound to repeat it. If you allow misguidance to consume your mind, you will fall off a cliff to your own demise. Remember that.

Why show the truth when the world’s full of lies? Why not hide behind a smile, while everybody cries?

Why not laugh in someone’s face, while planning their demise? Why be authentic, when everyone wears a disguise?

The truth of the matter is, no one is truthful. Masks are the only things that are useful.

Taking the mask off is harder for the normal. They don’t want to risk not looking moral.

But deep down we all have feelings we don’t want to show. Ones that would put us in an asylum; lined up for a deathblow.

Mask off, mask on. Don’t let them see what you do before dawn. Mask on, mask off. Bring pain like fire to a moth.

Keep the mask, don’t go outside the norm. Keep the mask, let your emotions swarm.

Your eyes are like the ocean… Having bloke micturate, and an abundant of cetacean viscous brine.

Your smile is like the pollard tree… dilapidated and marred.

Your voice is like honey… abhorrent and ululate in abundance.

You laugh is like music… Strident and brings macabre.

And your body is like the desert… vexatious and wizen.

Your tongue is like milk… Acidulated, alabastrine and mephitical.

Your nose is like a small hill… A precipice, with various maculations brimming with tenebrosity.

I am not being indecorous, but being candid. If it’s pernicious, then you know it’s authentic.

               Definitions below
                        vvvvvv

DEFINITIONS: *Bloke : man *Micturate : urine/pee *Abundant : large quantities *Cetacean : whale *Viscous : thick sticky liquid *Brine : salty solution *Dilapidated: neglected *Marred : impaired or disfigured *Abhorrent : being hated, or annoying *Ululate : bringing grief *Strident : grating, unpleasant *Macabre : repellant or disturbing feelings *Vexatious : destressing, full of disorder, stressful *Wizen : dry, shrunken; due to failing vitality *Acidulated : sour, or acidic *Alabastrine : white or smooth *Mephitical : foul smelling *Precipice : steel mountain *Maculations : blemishes *Tenebrosity : state of being dark, or shadowy *Indecorous : not keeping with good taste; improper *Candid : truthful or straight forward *Pernicious : hurtful, or damaging *Authentic : genuine, real or true

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. You want to eat me, I’ll eat you first.

Pick the meat off, lick the bone Take what’s mine, I’ll eat what’s yours.

You are starving, well so am I You eat my finger, I’ll eat your thigh.

Blood and bone all over the place, I love the look that’s on your face.

Digging in we eat one another Piece by piece

I feel myself slipping, you do too. I can tell by the words you say.

We are no longer considered human But monsters who eat them

Cannibal… Hannibal.. sanible to this hunger.

Monster… beast… demon… A few more bites and you’ll be a free man

Consider that this is what was meant to be. Me eating you, you eating me.

One of us will die first, It doesn’t matter who…

As long as you eat me, and I eat you.

Maze looked into the two way mirror, “I know you’re watching me. I can see your body heat and hear your heart beating in your chest.” She said, as she locked eyes with the man who was in charge of the research institute she was being confined in.

“Mark down that the patient in room 302 has shown characteristics of the H2 and W5 genes, four times faster than the other genetic mutations from previous experiments.” Dr. Wright stated to the nurse who held a clipboard next to him. She nodded and wrote down what she was told.

Maze smirked, “You should add that the subject also plans to torture and kill all who are involved with the experiments she’s been put through.” Maze looked over to the nurse, “I’ll start with the right hand nurse.”

The nurse began to breathe heavier but tried to conceal it. “I can smell your fear.” Maze said menacingly. The nurse looked at Dr. Wright and left quickly.

Dr. Wright looked at Maze and sighed. “Your killing instincts need to be eradicated. Unfortunately all other experiments on other subjects have proven deadly. Thankfully we have learned from the past and have added security to the room you are in to ensure you cannot manage to escape.”

Maze scoffed. “You do realize that you’re insane, right? You DO know what insanity is, don’t you?” The doctor chuckled, “Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result each time. While you may be correct on what I am doing, I am far from insane. If I were insane I would come in there and do other experiments to you.”

Maze’s hair on the back if her neck stood up on end, “and what would that be?” She said, holding back the anger that was coursing through her body. The doctor leaned forward, putting his weight on the two way mirror; “I’d like to see what would be the result of a man and beast woman reproducing. Would it be more man? Or more beast?” His smile shook Maze to the core.

“Touch me, and you die.” Maze growled. Dr. Wright smirked, “we’ll see about that after my next experiment for you.” He left as five men entered the room, knocking Maze unconscious with a drug inside a syringe.

Maze woke up dazed and confused. She felt her entire entity had changed. Everytime they experiment on her she feels a piece of herself fall away. Becoming more animal-like each time.

Dr. Wright approached the two way mirror, “it will take you about two weeks to know what I did to you. In that time, you will be monitored. Though you are the 5,422 subject of mine; you were the first to survive. My first successful experiment. You gave me the key to my research. And if you give me what I want, I’ll give you your freedom.”

Maze wasn’t able to reply before the doctor walked off. She hated him, hated all that he does. He stole her from her family when she was 13 and tortured her over and over again; opening her up, adding to her and subtracting what she was. Over and over again, in some sick plan to get rid of cancer. It was all a lie, Dr. Wright had told her himself, his true objective for the experiments.

“He’s an idiot.” Maze said as she began searching her body of any anomalies. Internally and externally.

Two weeks past and Maze finally found the new gene that was placed inside of her. Fox. As Maze stared at the doctor through the two way mirror she felt such an overwhelming amount of anger. ‘He wants to mate’ She said inside her head, grinning at him she motioned him to come to her.

She heard his heart begin to race, she could smell his pheromones surging. His want for her was higher than the pleasure she knew she would receive in a matter of seconds.

He opened the door and locked it with a remote key he has placed in his pocket. He began taking off his coat, then his button up shirt. He wasn’t proportionally disappointing, he was tall with a athletic build and veins protruding from his arms and hands. His brown eyes darkened, as he approached biting his lower lip that lay perfectly on his chiseled face.

He grabbed Maze by the hip he thrusted against her, she yelped then leaned towards him. Placing her hands on his pecks, running them along his abs then down to his pants. “I’m so glad you turned 18 last month. But it doesn’t matter anymore, what matters is that you want me as much as I want you.”

Maze smiled, placing her hands on his shoulders again, nuzzling her nose in the crevice of his neck. It was like an unconscious effort, Maze didn’t want to but her body was in its own world.

The doctor slowly undressed Maze, she moaned with every touch. “What did you do to me?” Maze asked, as the doctor kissed her shoulder. “This isn’t just fox.”

The doctor chuckled, “you noticed, huh? I added a little extra something.” He moved his hands over her body. “What is it?” She asked heavily, as she moved with his hands. “I’ll give you a hint,” the doctor said, “it is large, and while it looks tough; it has one of the most sensitive skin in the animal kingdom.” He took off his pants, and underwear before touching her once again.

Maze’s body followed Dr. Wright’s. But her mind searched for the answer. She searched and searched. But she couldn’t find it.
Everytime the doctor added a new gene to her collection, she was able to identify it, and control it. If she isn’t able to do that, then the doctor will get he’s wishing for.

He laid her down, and began kissing her body. Maze was filled with fear but her body wouldn’t listen to her. ‘Damn it. What’s large, looks tough but has sensitive skin? I’m drawing a blank. Elephants? No that’s too much strength. Andaconda? Closer. Too long.
Maze’s eyes shot open as the doctor slid it inside her, “alligator.” She said. She used her strength and threw the doctor off of her, he hit the back wall. He yelled in pain, “damn it.” He said as he stared at her, “I was about to…”. She approached him, “doesn’t matter now. Your little friends outside can’t open the door, because of that little key in your pocket.” Maze looked behind her to look at his pants.
“And unlucky for you, it’s on the other side of the room. You are so vulnerable right now…” Maze’s voice began to growl as she approached him.

“Don’t worry doctor. This won’t hurt a bit. I’m only going to do what you did to me… except I won’t put you back together.” Maze smiled evilly.

The doctor’s screams echoed through the hallways of the institution. His team ran to the room, but by the time they made it; Maze was already gone.

The nurse ran inside the room only to see the doctor ripped apart, lifeless. No eyes, nor tongue, nor heart, nor guts, nor hands or feet, nor throat. She screamed and dropped down to the floor.

“Seems as though you were in love with him.” Maze said through the intercom. The nurse tried to escape the room but Maze had closed the door. “When did you..” she asked. Maze pressed the button for the intercom again, “when you screamed over your lovers body. You know he tried to have sex with me, right? That’s why he’s naked, and why I was able to escape. But unfortunately for you, you won’t be escaping. You will stay in there forever.”

“Yea, sure I will.” The nurse said obnoxiously. “Oh, you will. See I’ve already let out most of the other experiments you both have tortured. Many with a bigger grudge against you than they do for the doc himself… I’ll let them say ‘hi’ to you. Nice and personal.” Maze laughed then opened the door as 4 individuals approached, “she’s all yours.” Maze said to the men and woman who looked more animal than they did human.

Maze closed the doors and watched through the mirror as they tore the nurse apart limb by limb, slicing her with their talons and claws. Listening to her screams, Maze moaned in pleasure. Proudly walking away Maze opened the door slightly, to allow the four individuals inside to exit once when they finished.

Chaos enveloped the facility, as the other 204 experiments attacked all personnel who worked there. Maze walked through it all, and breathed in the smell of blood and fear. “Estacy. Pure estacy.” Maze said in a low and satisfied voice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Maze stood at the entrance of the facility, staring at the brutal scene of the other experiments tearing apart the workers. She knew the truth, that no matter what happens they could not live in the outside world. Despite her wanting her freedom, she couldn’t have children, or have a normal life. Her heart broke slightly, and she sighed sadly.

“Unfortunately for us, we cannot leave this place.” Maze said. She reached for a red switch that was labled ‘pull in case of an escape. WARNING: Lethal gas’ and pulled it.

All exit doors slammed shut with a loud thud, and a heavy metal storm door landed in front of them.

Gas began to emmit from the vents from the ceiling, Maze sat down, and breathed in allowing the toxic gas to suffocate her. The others fought til the very end trying to escape, but it was too late.

Maze smiled as she felt herself slip away. “No good would have come from us escaping, but only if we die.” She said before succumbing to the gas, embracing the death she should have experienced four years ago from the cancer that had uncontrollably spread throughout her body.

If her parents hadn’t fallen for the lies Dr. Wright had told them, she could have died surrounded by her family and friends. Peacefully. Instead, she died surrounded by strangers. But at least her family already knows she dead, another lie told by the doctor. All because he wanted to see how far human genetics could be manipulated by the genetics of other animals.

Maze was slumped over, leaning against the wall; her eyes lifeless and a smile on her face. She was finally, truly and utterly free from the nightmare she called her life.

I felt like my head would explode at any moment, I tried to breathe but I only felt water begin to deep into my mouth. ‘What?’ I though, I opened my eyes; it was dark. I hurriedly swam up, as soon as I reached the surface I gasped for air. Coughing as I tried to stay afloat.

I looked around, I’m in the river that cuts through the town I live in. I swam towards the river bank, pulling myself up as fast as I could.

As I lay on the ground I breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath. ‘How did I end up in the river? How far away from home am I?’ I asked myself.

I tried calling for help but my throat began to hurt like someone was stabbing it, I coughed, and sat up. I looked around to see familiar woods surrounding me. ‘Not too far away, thankfully.’ I thought. ‘But that doesn’t answer the former question. How did I end up in the river?’ I stood, my body hurting everywhere, I slowly began walking North, towards home. Searching my mind for answers that were clearly not there.

As I walked I felt my head throbbing, I kept feeling dizzy; stumbling on twigs and almost falling down countless times. ‘Why does my head hurt?’ I put my hand on the spot where my head hurt the most and looked at my head. ‘Blood?’ I looked at the blood confused. I felt like passing out, but if I did I would end up being food for wild animals. And I wouldn’t find answers about what happened.

I finally reached the outskirts of the woods and seen the lights from town, relief flooded my body. I smiled and tried laughing but the pain from my throat prevented it. ‘Damn.’ I looked over and seen a coyote staring at me from across a field. My heart sank, ‘I can’t scream. I can’t even swallow without being in so much pain that death would be a mercy. What do I do? What if the coyote attacks me?’

I began to slowly make my way towards the dirt road that lay only a few paces away. I kept my eyes on the coyote, before I got the road it ran away. I breathed out a sigh of relief. And began walking home.

The more I walked the more my entire body hurt, it felt like my bones were going to break at any moment. Slowly I made it to town.

I could tell it took me over an hour to get there by the level of activity in town; no one was out. ‘It has to be past 2am now. That means my husband is going to be home soon. He can help me.’

As I turned down the street I lived on I heard something behind me, ‘the coyote?’ I looked at the small dog like figure in the dark, ‘why did it… doesn’t matter. I’m almost home. Just keep moving.’ I thought as I slowly walked away from the shadowy figure.

I seen my house, the porch light was on but none were on inside; nor was there any car outside. ‘My husband isn’t home yet? That’s weird. He’s usually home by 2:15. Maybe I overestimated the time?’ I thought as I reached the front porch and lifted up the welcome mat, revealing the spare key we keep there.

I opened the door, I breathed in; the smell of my husband’s cologne entered my nostrils. ‘That’s weird. He never wears cologne…’. I felt a pit in my stomach grow more and more as I made my way into our bedroom.

A moan came from the bed, it was a woman. I froze, she breathed in and chuckled. “Hey Dylan, was wondering why it took you so long to come back. How did it go, honey?” Her voice sounded familiar. I stared at her, as she turned on the bedside lamp. ‘Morgan?’ I was horrified.

‘Why the hell is my best friend in my bed, calling my husband honey? Are… are they…’. I stared at her, filled with disgust, anger and betrayal. Her eyes became wide, fear radiated from them.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I lunged at her.

My husband’s truck pulled up into the driveway, I looked up and dragged Morgan’s body into the the kitchen. I sat her down on the dining room seat and stood in the corner.

My husband opened the front door and seen her past the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. “Hey babe… had a hard time today. They kept asking me the same questions, but,” he turned the corner and seen her. Then he seen me.

“What the..”. He said, staring at me in disbelief. I stared back as the rage inside me swirled. ‘He’s cheating.’ I stepped towards him, he stepped back. “But you… you’re not… you can’t be..”. He stuttered.

I cocked my head sideways as I waited for his explanation to what was going on. But his eyes only reflected the same amount of fear as Morgan’s.

‘He knows he caught’, I smiled. Reaching out to him as I approached, “no!” He yelled, “you’re not real! You’re dead!” I stopped and looked at him and shook my head, pointing at Morgan. “No..”. I said through a hoarse voice, “she is. Not me.”

He went white. “Mor-gan?” His eyes turned away from me staring at his dead side piece. He began crying, “no.” He said softly and he reached for her.

I got enraged again, I moved in front of him. I touched his hand, he screamed and got as far back from me as he could. “YOU CANT BE REAL! YOU’RE DEAD!” I shook my head. “YES! I KNOW YOU ARE! I KILLED YOU MYSELF!” He screamed.

I looked at him confusingly, and blinked. Getting flashbacks. His hands around my throat, him telling me to die. Him taking my head and bashing it against a rock. His feet smashing my arms, and legs; breaking them.
I blinked again. But when I blinked again I was seeing it again. Dylan dragging me into the truck and driving me to the river, then him dragging me out and throwing me over the bridge. Landing in the water. I floated away, as I watched him get back into his truck. I blinked, but it didn’t go away. I felt my airway get tight as I remembered struggling to stay afloat. Then getting hit in the head by a large rock in the water.

“You… tried to kill me.” I said. He shook his head. “No. I did kill you. You were dead.”
I got angry once again, “YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!” I screamed. He covered his ears, his body shook.

I couldn’t stop myself from attacking him. He ended up just like Morgan. As I walked through the house towards the exit I looked over in the mirror.

I stopped. My skin was pale, my eyes sunken in; brusing was around my throat and all over my body. My stomach was bloated, as were most of the other parts of my body. My fingers were almost black, and the skin around them were torn revealing the bone. I looked at my face again. I put my hand on my face, and tried to fix it; but it began to peel and fall away reveling my teeth and cheek bone.

I ran back into the kitchen, going to the refrigerator. January 4th, 2023… ‘but.. that day… was… January 1st.’

I’ve turned off my emotions. It’s easier this way. The pain I endure everyday can no longer hurt me. When you have no emotions, nothing can hurt you. Not the abuse you endure, or the loneliness you feel every night before bed.

My mom was the only person who ever complimented me; she always told me that I am talented in everything I do. Writing, singing, dancing, fixing things, cleaning, and being a good friend to my friends. The only thing she doesn’t know how good I am at is pretending that I have emotions. Pretending to be normal.

I’m only 14 years old and yet I’ve become so conditioned to not allow my emotions to surface. Not to my dad, or my sister. I can force a smile, a laugh, and even pretend like I don’t have flashbacks from the abuse I endure every time I come home. I haven’t even begun living and yet I am emotionally dead. Meaning, I cannot express my emotions at all. I can’t even express when I’m cold, when I’m hot, when I’m feeling alone, or even when I feel happy.

Going to school and seeing my friends functioning normally makes me pretty jealous. I’ve just started high school which is supposed to be a huge part of a young adults life, a pivitol moment in life. One that decides our future.

I watched the kids in my Spanish class chatting amongst themselves, each one smiling and laughing. It was a combo class; different kids from different grades. I sat at the back of the class, I seen a tall guy looking at me.

I pressed me lips together and looked away; but throughout the class my eyes kept looking over to the guy. He had blue eyes and brown hair. He was attractive even I could see that, he was muscular but not in a lifts weights kind of way. More like he was lean and fit, but could lift 150 pounds easily.

He would meet eyes with me and I would look away. Dang it was he cute.

At the end of class he came over to me as I got my stuff together, “hey.” He said, his voice was like silk. Masculine, tough and yet something about it was comforting. A crooked smile remained on his face, ‘holy crap.’ I thought as I felt myself blush. I cleared my throat and replied to him, “Hey.” I stood up, he was taller than me; but not too tall that I couldn’t kiss him on my tipy-toes. ‘WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN THINKING! HE’S PROBABLY WANTING TO ASK YOU TO STOP STARING AT HIM DURING CLASS!’ I yelled at myself in my head.

I began to walk away and he followed, “my name is Duane. It’s nice to meet you.” My heart began to flutter, ‘such an attractive name. ‘ I looked over to him who looked at me, ‘wow. I could get lost in his eyes.’ “My name is Layla. It’s nice to meet you too.” I smiled, I couldn’t help it. It’s like his presence made me feel relaxed, more relaxed than I’ve ever been my entire life. “I have my next class upstairs but I’d like to talk to you more.” He said.

‘HOLY CRAP, HOLY FREAKING CRAP!’ I smiled, then nodded. He gave me his phone, “give me your number and I’ll text you.” I nodded again, taking his phone.

He waved to me saying goodbye. I felt like I was swooning over this guy. My friend Nichole came over to me, who had apparently witnessed the entire thing. “WHO was THAT?!” She asked, wrapping her arm around mine. “His name is Duane, he’s in my Spanish class.. he asked me for my number.”
She pushed against me, “WELL, DUH HE DID! HE’S TOTALLY HOT DUDE!”
I giggled, “Shhh! He could hear you!” “What grade is he in?” Nichole asked, I grinned. “He’s a Junior.”

After two more days of school passed, Duane came over to me after Spanish class. “Hey, Layla! Sorry I didn’t text yet, my parents grounded me.” I looked at him with a confused but happy smile, “what’d you do?” He chuckled, “I didn’t do the chores I was told to do.” I chuckled, “been there, done that.” We walked together down the hall to the stairwell, “here.” He gave me a piece of paper. “See you in two days.”

I took the paper, “you too.” I turned, and there Nichole was. My goodness does she follow me around. “What does it say?!” She said loudly as she came over to me excitedly. I gave her a look of ‘shut up!’ She laughed, “I don’t know! I just got it!” I said, I walked quickly with her as we went to our next class. I opened the note:

“Want to meet up at the park next Saturday at 4:00? Yes or no? Drop this off at locker 352.” Read the note.

“Dude it’s like that song, check yes or no!” Nichole said, as she read the note over my shoulder. I nudged her and got geeky. “Shh!” I bit my lip and folded the note up.

“Are you going to go?” Nichole asked, I looked her her and said “if Ryan Reynolds asked you to meet up somewhere you would go, wouldn’t you?!” We laughed. I felt eyes on me and see Duane looking down from the top floor of the school. My eyes got wide and I felt my face grow hot. I grabbed Nichole and began walking faster. Duane’s face had a huge smile on it. “Crap! Crap! Crap!” I said as I rushed Nichole and I to Choir. “What!?” She asked, “HE HEARD ME DUDE!” I said in a loud whisper.

I came out of choir and there he was, waiting for me. “Um… hi.” I said shyly. “Ryan Reynolds, huh?” I tried not to look embarrassed but the laugh that came out of him told me it was pointless. I laughed with him, “here.” I said, handing him the note. I felt someone touch my back, I turned and looked at Nichole. Her eyes narrowed, her double chin became pronounced and she raised her eyebrows twice. ‘Dammit Nikki!’ I thought. I pressed my lips together, holding my breath. Until I seen Duane’s face again, his face looked like he was holding in the biggest laugh and was about to lose it. I couldn’t help but laugh. He stared at me purely and joined me in laughing. We walked up the stairs, laughing and talking.

Next week came suddenly. My mom dropped me off at the park, and I walked up to Duane who was sitting on top of a table. I always thought when you meet the one you’d get butterflies but with him, I feel peaceful. Like around him, I can truly be myself.

We spent the next two hours talking as we sat next to each other on the table. His hand slowly made its way towards mine, and I felt pure happiness when his skin got in contact with mine. I looked over to him, “I know this is hard to believe but I really like you, Layla.” He said. His voice vibrated so sweetly. I blushed and nodded, “I… me…” I cleared my throat, “yeah.” He raised his eyebrows, “what’s that mean?” He laughed.

Usually when I can’t talk it’s because I can’t form the words I want, because they are about emotions. I chuckled, “I… L-like you, too.” His eyes became soft, and he leaned towards me.

‘WAIT WHAT?!’ I thought, as his lips got closer to mine. His hand reached to touch my cheek, but was startled away by my mom honking the horn. We both jumped and pulled away from one another and I jumped down. “I’ll… um… I’ll see you at school? Text me, okay?” Duane smiled and got up. Walking me over to my moms car, “see you at school.. I will.”

6 Months past, I felt myself craving Duane. Everyday he would text me first, never giving me the chance to give him a ‘good morning, handsome’ text before his ‘good morning, beautiful.’ I felt myself falling for him, slowly. But now it felt as though I couldn’t contain it anymore. I asked him to meet me after school, before my mom picked me up.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” Duane asked as he approached. I turned, feeling my entire body react to his voice and presence. When he is around I feel gity, like a little girl who has just got her first puppy. “Hey! I have soemthing I want to say…”. I searched for the words. ‘How the hell do I tell him? He usually always does everything first. The first hello, the first move, the first to text, the first to take my hand.’ I looked at the ground.

Silence followed, “are you… breaking up with me?” He said, hurt radiated from his words. “NO!” I said, “not at all! I just…” I looked at the ground again. “Did you cheat?” I looked up at him, “n-no… I just can’t tell you… I want to but it’s hard.”
He nodded, he looked hurt. He’s thinking the worse case scenario when all I want to do is confess my love for him. He began to nod and walk away.

“Wait! Just wait!” I said, pulling out my phone.

“I can’t find the right words to say this.. when I’m in front of you it’s nearly impossible; but texting is what I’m use to when it comes to expressing myself. I always write so this feels more natural. I love you. I love you so much that it drives me crazy. So much that I feel like I can’t live a day without you. When I don’t see you during the day I worry about you and miss you like crazy. Duane, I love you.” I sent the text. His phone pinged. He looked at it, and read the message.

He chuckled. Looking up at me, I looked down at the ground. Ready to hear that he didn’t feel the same, that this is was all a game to him. I was ready to get hurt.
Everytime I expressed myself to someone they always shut me down. My pain, happiness, joy, love, excitement. Every time, shut down by the people that surround me.

He walked towards me, I felt his hands grab my face. His lips collided with mine. ‘What?’ I thought, his soft lips embracing mine. I put my arms around him, placing my hand on his neck as the other wrapped itself under his arm to hold his shoulder.

I felt my entire body want to explode, I melted into him. His lips and mine kissing each other lovingly and passionately. He pulled away, looking me in the eyes he smiled. “I love you too.”

He pulled me in for another kiss then a hug.

For the first time in my life I felt truly happy. Like everything I’ve been through fell away into nothingness. I felt safe. I felt wanted. Needed. And loved for the very first time.

I’m now 24 years old, and I get the same feelings I did back then now. For the man that found my heart when I was lost in the dark. For the man who showed me real love. For the man who gave me my freedom.

My first love. My husband. My soul mate.

I smiled as I watched the stars glisten in the night sky, the moon glowing it’s beautiful silver hue. I always feel the most peace during nights like this. A clear night sky, with a gentle Autumn breeze sweeping across the grass. Each star more dazzling than the last. I want to be up there, shining like them. Beautiful and radiant; comforting.

I don’t think there’s anything more comforting than seeing light in the dark. Like wandering around a pitch black night with nothing but the moon shining above you. You don’t feel alone. You feel rather the opposite. You feel placated, or rather soothed by the silver luminescence of the heavenly body of the moon.

But to me there’s something more beautiful than the moon are the stars, something I once read. It said that most of the stars we see in the night sky are actually already dead. That what we are seeing are just the remnants of the light they once radiated.

My only hope is my death will be like that. That my life will be as important to the people I love as they are to me; that my death won’t matter because I still live in their hearts.

My eyes became heavy, I held my stomach where my wound poured out blood. I don’t want to die, but this is for the best; for everyone. Despite my wish to be important like the stars, I know I am as alone as the stars in the sky.

Though they look close together, they are actually millions, maybe even billions of light years away. Alone in a vast darkness, just like I am in this moment. The wound I inflicted on myself, no longer hurt. A wave of relief came over me, it’s time.

“Good bye, my only friends.” I said as I let go of the life I desperately pined for my entire life. The one where I was chained by the past, and weighed down by the present, but never looking towards to the future. The life I hated.

“I am finally ….”

I use to be free, but these chains hold me down. I use to smile, but these chains cause me to frown.

I use to laugh, but these chains cause me pain. I use to dance, but these chains make me lame.

I use to sing, but these chains make me mute. I use to play, but these chains make it hard to move.

I use to feel light, but these chains are made of lead. I use to live, but these chains made me dead.

I use to fight, but these chains have made me numb. I use to want to live, but now; I’m ready to succumb.

I use to be cheerful, lively, happy. But these chains will be the death of me.