there’s nothing more depressing than the transition of summer to fall. summer was full of fun, prioritizing friends, and living your life. fall gives one more time to think. more time to detach yourself from reality like a leaf falling off a tree. it’s only temporary until you land on the floor and realize, you’re just another meaningless leaf on the floor. what happened to the fun back in the summer? your friends? living your life? it’s back to your routine now. summer is just a fever dream as you go back to reality watching the days go by and watching the leaves turn red and yellow. the same colors as the same street signs you see on your way back home everyday. it’s all the same. you’re just like any other leaf that fell to the floor. in the end, no one picks up a leaf unless it’s special. in a pile of leaves, how can we beat the intricate patterns and curves of others when there are thousands of other leaves that look the same. life prioritizes the special leaves while the less attractive ones grow to be ordinary. living the same days until the leaf falls apart into smaller pieces. what’s left of the leaf then? what can we leave behind in this world that’s special for once?

when you tell me you love me, i have the power to know you really meant it it all connects to give me signs. your smile, your voice, your heart beating faster. it’s good to know what you’re actually feeling. then i dont have to keep guessing. this is a relationship’s dream right?

but when the love starts fizzling out, i don’t need the signs to tell me you don’t feel the same. your smile is forced, your voice is annoyed, your heart is at a normal pace. this power already tells me what i dread to know. that you don’t love me anymore. you can repeat the words “i love you” like a spell to try to enchant me again. it won’t work. i know how you really feel about me. you’ve lost all love for me. i think to myself, “isn’t it better to know instead of acting like everything is normal?” it is to an extent. i don’t face fake love anymore. but i hate the fact that my love for you is still true. i wish you could’ve stayed in love. i wish you loved me. i wish you would tell me this power is lying to me. but you can’t. it’s best i don’t see you anymore to escape your true hatred toward me for leaving. my power tells me what i need to know, just not at the right time. i wasn’t ready to let go of you, but my power was.

I never really knew what a platonic relationship meant. I understood it meant “just friends”. But a platonic relationship is built on emotional support and respect, all for which you don’t have for me. It’s platonic until you say so. Until you desire the borders of a relationship but never an actual one. Dipping your toes in the water to never actually get in. You try to drag me into this delusion that we can add the benefits to our so called friendship. But what benefits are there if you don’t respect me as a women, as a friend, as a person. The only benefit you get is tasting how much i love. Something that you lack in your life. Platonic establishes trust, support, and respect among two people. But for us it was a bridge that when i tried to cross, it snapped. I always had to be there for you, but when i needed you, you were never there. No trust. No support. No respect. No benefits. No friend. You’ll never find a lover if you keep believing you see them as platonic. You are incapable of commitment. Not just to a lover but to a friend. The word platonic is as shaky as the tectonic plates in the earth that cause the world to shake. Your world will shake until it crashes down. You will have nothing left. No lover. No friend. No me.