I know it. Whether you can see him or not.
I feel his eyes on me… there! He just whispered to me… did you hear it??? Right THERE he’s looking at me… I Can see him from the corner of my eyes… always taunting me! Mocking… chiding …. Assailing with his threats. Always embarrassing… always shaming… always there.
He licks the tunnels of my ears and sandpapers my lips. Can’t tell which words are his or which thoughts are mine. The feeling of being naked in a room full of strangers follows me… it sticks to my skin and swallows me everywhere I go leaving me trapped in the prison in was born in, leaving me defenseless against the-!
The words my mother says to me Pass right my by my ears The only sounds ringing through my head Are my tireless fears
My back does ache, my feet are sore The ochestra playing’s quite the bore The girls around me flutter their hair A gentleman’s staring from over there Our eyes do meet My heart began to sputter Maybe I AM ready to be a mother… 😳😳
The brown fox chased the cowardly dog They ran and ran way ‘round the log Until the small dog seemed to trip And so away his life would slip
The brown fox brought home their dinner A trophy for the young and slimmer But thus his mate eyes his feast The atrocity made it hard to eat
Their relationship frayed Rifts did grow Their hearts atrophied From the brown fox’s ego
“What’s this?” I thumbed through the old book I plucked from the attic. First the ancient symbols jumbled on the page, but slowly they began to flow into each other, painting visions that seemed to come to life off the page.
“Whoah” I couldn’t contain my wonder.
“Oh that’s my grandfathers diary. He was some conspiracy theorist I think… None of those are real hieroglyphics or anything. We have no idea what he was writing” Ron chuckled. “You know he actually told me ‘One day this will be in the right hands and they’ll know what to do’ and he winked at me! I mean can you believe him?”
“Haha yeah” I replied. What did this mean?? I didn’t want to seem overeager or anything…. But maybe I had a feeling I was the exact person his grandfather was talking about! But I had to get more details first.
“Hey what do you see here?” I pointed to the page. It was a beautiful scene of a creek meandering through mountains, the sun glistening off the water.
“Um I don’t know. That one kinda looks like an H?” He was pointing at a rock.
“Hey I think something weird might be going on…” I confessed.
“You’re not seeing things are you?”
“Well actually- yes”
“Oh my god. He was right. My mom told me he was crazy but he was right! It was you all along!”
“Wait up!” I heaved, running at full speed to catch up with him. “Jeremiah! Wait!”
“I’m not talking to you” He waved me away.
“Please just give me a ch-“
“I gave you a thousand chances to tell me the truth and you’re still lying to me. I’m done. I’m done! I can’t keep doing this with you, it’s killing me.” He looked done. My heart lurched at the thought of losing him.
“Please I’m so sorry I never meant for this to happen. You weren’t supposed to get involved.” I desperately grasped his hand like a little kid in a grocery store, my eyes pleading with him to hear me out.
His eyes softened in response. “Fine. Go.”
Guilt coated the back of my mind knowing I had the power to make him override his better judgement. But if he would just listen to me then maybe it would all be okay. He could still love me- he WOULD still love me… right? I couldn’t let these fears hold me back I had to press on. He deserves to know. He’s the reason I’m alive.
“So basically, I’m evil.” I said candidly, wringing my hands together.
“What?” He laughed a little, but that quickly shifted to concern. “Bella, you’re not evil. I know you- or at least I thought I did. But I knew you enough to know you’re still not telling me the truth right now”
“No I am! I swear I wouldn’t lie to you not any more” I couldn’t help but look down, not wanting to face him after acknowledging my own betrayal.
I woke up today The morning air was cold Haven’t been sleeping in much without you
Drank my coffee by the window spot next to yours Hasn’t tasted good for weeks now Need to remember to switch brands Need to remember to set reminders to do that The way that you always did
I notice I’m in my head a lot now The space we took up is now carried by only me Our anecdotes and secret language All now exist only in my thoughts An overflowing filing cabinet Keeping you alive in ways That no one else can see
