I have nightmares Of a distant, impossible life Where I am a night with no day My perfect equilibrium gone I dread this fate And I hope you do too
If I lost you now I’d die As my entire heart would have been ripped from my fragile body I’d float endlessly in space as my world would have disappeared
I can’t lose you
“Oh, he’s cute!” said Shauna, leaning over her friends phone.
“Nah, not my type.” Ruby swiped left. “Josh, 24. Stand up comedian, dog lover, enjoys walks in the park, musical theater, playing board games, and-“
“He sounds perfect!” interrupted Shauna.
“Being misogynistic.” finished Ruby, disappointed but she had come to expect this behavior from men on Flinder.
Shauna laughed. “Who the fuck puts that in their dating profile?”
“Josh, apparently.” Ruby swiped left. A picture of catfish showed up. The description only read “This is a catfish.”
“That must be a joke, right?” asked Shauna.
“Aw, a funny guy! I bet he’s nice,” she raised her finger and swiped right.
“You swiped right on him?! You know nothing about him, and for all you know this is a catfish account!” Shauna protested.
Ruby blushed, “W-well, I like funny guys,” she said.
“Josh was a stand up comedian!”
“He was a self described misogynist!”
“Fair. But this account is a joke.”
“Whatever.” To Ruby’s pleasure, Brian the Catfish swiped right on her too!
-I see why are are named Ruby, cause you are a gem!
-Haha, you should be a comedian.
They hit it off incredibly well, and planned a date for next Tuesday. Ruby arrived at Annie’s Diner, and sat down, seeing her date across from her.
She looked into the eyes… of a literal catfish.
Long time no see. Long, since you saw the beauty in me. Since we’re here, let’s have coffee. We joke about what our life would be, If we hadn’t separated, we’d still be thirty, But perhaps we’d marry. We’d thought we’d be together, but after years, she Said no to he. Oh my, how we were carefree. It’s been nice, but I’ve got to pick up my daughter Jolie. Till next time? Maybe. I’ll be back in town during February; And I think I’ll come here again for their peach tea.
The way he talks to her, The way she’s almost scared of him, It makes me sure, An abusive relationship, my friend is in.
I see through his manipulations, She only sees him high upon a pedestal, She won’t believe my speculations, Only a week in, and he wants to be marital.
She’s always distracted, and jumps when her phone rings, hoping yet scared that it’s him, Obsessively attracted, The future is grim.
He admitted to me that he was faking suicidal, Just so that she’d feel bad, She won’t believe me at all, What if he hits her when he’s mad? I’ve seen how these go, And it always starts like this, His kindness is faux, But she still says, “it’s you I miss.” It won’t be a plot twist to me when it’s revealed he was the villain all along, He seems like he might get vicious, I hope he’s good; I hope I’m wrong, But I have to say, I’m a bit suspicious.
“Did you hear what Sasha said to Damien?” Lauren asked Ellie. “I think it was something really bad, judging by the look on his face.”
“Oh wow, that doesn’t seem like Sasha.” Ellie said.
“I know, right?”
Ellie stood up from the lunch table and started back to class. In the hall, she passed her friend Elena. “Hey Elena, did you hear about what Sasha said to Damien?”
“No, what?”
“I heard it was bad.”
“That doesn’t seem like Sasha.”
“That’s what I said!”
Elena left to go to a different class. “Hey Simon, did you hear about Sasha and Damien?”
“Ooo, what happened?”
“I heard she said something really bad.”
“That doesn’t seem like Sasha.”
“That’s what I said!”
Ellie whispered around her class, Elena whispered through her’s.
Simon sneakily pulled out his phone. “Did you hear about Sasha and Damien?” He texted to his friend Jesse.
“Nah, but tell me.”
“I don’t know, but I heard it was super bad.”
“Weird. That doesn’t sound like Sasha.”
“That’s what I said!”
The next day…
Jesse sat down at lunch. “Hey Billie, did you hear about what Sasha said to Damien?”
“Yeah, everyone has.”
“Well what about what she said to Jacob C?”
“There’s more?”
“Yeah, and I heard it was really bad.”
“Well, I guess that does sound like Sasha.”
The following days, Sasha was too afraid to come to school. When her parents finally made her, she skipped all her classes and ate lunch by herself. She was usually a straight-A student, and pretty popular for being so nice.
About a week later…
Billie looked around and saw two brothers who had been on vacation. “Oh hey Damien, hey Jacob. I didn’t know you guys were back in school. Everyone has been wondering, What did Sasha say to you the other day?”
Damien and Jacob C looked at each other, and in unison said, “Nothing.”
The trees are burning, The children and screaming, The cities are destroyed, The seas are full of trash, The sky is dark, Our world has fallen apart, Humanity has fled the planet, Spread across unlivable planets in the universe, Anarchy rules supreme, The heroes have fallen, Terror cracks the old world, And boredom cracks the new, Where are we going, Why are we still going, The animals leave only carcasses on earth, Bacteria has taken over,
Everything is just as it is meant to be.
“Okay boys,” Linda said with excitement hidden by cautiousness, “This present is for the both of you.”
Ben and Billy looked at each other, then Ben grabbed the large box and tore it open. Ben and Billy looked at the gift in shock.
“Bark bark!” Said the baby corgi.
“It’s a dog!” Ben exclaimed! “I’ve wanted a puppy my whole entire life, thank you thank you thank you!” He gleefully tried to pick up the puppy, but it seemed hesitant. “It doesn’t like me?” Ben asked his parents, now in shock for more than one reason.
“Well, he’s new the family and is going to need to some time to get used to us,” Responded Ben and Billy’s father. “Billy, is something wrong?”
“Dogs are not a good Christmas present.” Billy said, matter of fact-ly. The family was taken aback. “No, I’m serious. Many families aren’t able to support a dog, especially when the responsibilities rest on the kids. The dog will be gone by next Christmas.”
Ben got anxious. “Is he really gonna go by next Christmas? I love him already!”
Ben’s mother put a hand on his cheek. “No, sweetie. We are going to take very good care of our new friend. And you two boys are the most responsible kids I know.” She consoled.
Billy still wasn’t convinced. “If we want the best life for him, it’s best to get rid of him.”
Do you know me? I think not. I’d rather we stay that way, Old friend.
I know you, and all you’ve done. But that doesn’t matter now, Does it? You want my secrets. My story.
The greatest lesson I’ve ever learned Is that secrecy is the best policy. You cannot blame me, Charge me, Attack me, Or know me.
What is the worth of honesty When it will only hurt you in the end? I wonder why it was so easy to find you? But you don’t want to be here, do you? Perhaps you should have remained Anonymous
Your fingernails, Your eyelashes, So beautiful, yes. The way you pick your nose, Both nostrils at once, Make me love you more and more every time. Your pessimistic view of the world, How you hate my face, It’s all so lovely to me. Seeing you chew with your mouth open, Burp loudly when we have dinner with friends, With your oversized neck and bald spots, My love, you have no idea what you do to me.
If cartoons have taught me anything, it’s that you can fit a lot of stuff in your pockets. Bombs, dumbbells, TNT, banana pickers, whatever- your pockets are a lot bigger than you think.
I remember I time in my youth, I had just reached drinking age, and had been going to bars every night. I’ve had a few drinks, and though it took me a lot to get drunk, I was pretty tipsy. I was waiting for my friend Ivan (though we called him Snowball,) to come pick me up.
This big, burly guy comes up to me and says, “Hey chump. Ya fucking chump. Whaddya doing just sitting around here? This place is a party and you’re ruining the mood. Have fun or get lost.”
In a drunken slur, I respond, “I’m just w- waiting for a friend. To come here. To the bar. He’s gonna drive me home. No drinking and driving, my girl tells me.”
For some reason, the man looks angry. “You? Got a girl? I ain’t listening to no shit.”
“I do, I do! Look I’ll show you a pic-picture.” I try to pull out my phone but my hand reaches into an empty pocket. “Uh… where’s my phone?”
“Fuck this shit. Fucking excuses and blabbering about your phone. It’s in your pocket right there, I fuckin see it!” He reaches for my pocket and fishes around.
“Hey! Hey, get off me!” I squirm and push but he’s stuck.
His drunken, angry face suddenly turns to fear. He starts to… shrink? No, but he is disappearing. Getting sucked… into my pocket? “What the fuck?! Help me! Please! Fuck, fuck! HELP ME GODDAMN IT!” He screams. His head gets submerged into my pocket, though for some reason I don’t feel anything different. People in the bar start to notice. Whispering and pointing, a few people run over, as if to try to help, but back away in terror. The beastly, burly man has been devoured by a skinny 21 year old with nerdy glasses and a goatee.
“That guy killed Lemon Squares!” Shouted some drunk. “Get him!” Called another. Some older guy grabs a empty glass bottle and chucks it at my head, but just as it gets close, my pocket opens. A slight breeze blows through and I look down to see an expansive, void of lint, keys, my wallet, and so called “Lemon Squares.” The bottle flies in and the people about to attack me back off, though one man stumbles forwards and trips, right into my pocket.
A extremely drunken girl shouts “Slash the motherfucker, Johnny!” Her supposed boyfriend takes out a pocket knife and attacks me, smartly from the side facing away from the pocket. Blood runs down my face from a clean slice to the cheek. I instinctively reach for my pocket knife, in my pocket. Instead I pull out… a longsword? Johnny takes a shot at me but I turn to him and he runs into the blade.
“Johnny!” Screams the girl.
“Kids got a magic fucking pocket!” Calls the bartender.
“What the fuck is happening?!” I yell. Suddenly, my phone pops out of my pocket.
A text from Snowball. “I’m here.”
“Uhh… I think I’m gonna go now.” I say.
“You think you can just leave?! After what you did you Johnny?! Someone call 911! Please!” Tears are streaming down her face. Normally I’d try to comfort someone in a situation like this, but I’m not in my full senses.
I rush out of the bar, The Revved Engine, and see my pal in his car. “Snowball- you will not believe what just happened.”
Snowball sighs. “What crazy story is it this time?”
