He glared so far away, and yet so close that i could touch he’s mad i’m mad everyday i’ve been trapped everyday we talked, in my heart a war raged the storm brewed my head spiraled out of control i let it all out knowing he wouldn’t return the same desires looking back it was stupid, why would i say that? “I would love to wake up next to you, i would love to call you mine, everyday these feelings have grown. I know you may not feel the same, but do you think we could give this a shot? I have loved you since the day you helped me in 4th grade, you taught me how to tie my shoes, you let me live with you when times were rough, i didn’t know then what that feeling was but now i fully understand, please give it a shot, or at least forgive me and forget this.” I rambled I blubbered I confessed yet the only thing i have yet to feel is regret now not only am i going to war with my heart i’m at war with him everyday from now on when i wake up, when i go to school, when he drives me to work, we will be at war this is our war zone, my life is now on fire, he’s burning it down, i’ve burnt it down Filled with regret, with sorrow, how can i possibly win this war? it’s physical impossible, mentally impossible, he is my war zone and this is our battleground

As she floated down the stream, although she couldn’t be there, she saw one pink lily of all the days she had never seen one before, at that moment she knew she knew of all the great things to come, the bumpy road that we would cross, she knew i was a girl and she knew my mother was going to be alright, she had wanted to be there really truly did but unfortunately someone was there that made her unable to be, she still got the news the exact time i was born by seeing that pink lily. Thanks to my Mema for giving me her point of view the day i was born

How will i tell him, the love of his life has passed? He had trusted me with her life, and i thought that i could save her, now i must tell this man that his wife of 31 years is now gone i can see him in her old room waiting for good news and i’m about to tell him that his wife is gone that i couldn’t save her there will be nothing more to be said other that she’s gone, I hobble slowly towards his room i open the door slowly he stands up so fast that it looks like he had teleported in the blink of an eye he looked at me with hopeful yet pleading eyes when i didn’t smile back at him i saw the hope the light leave his eyes “Your wife passed away during surgery” A quiet sob escaped his mouth “her time of death 16:22” seeing him is such agony, in such dispar made my legs want to give up he looked up at me suddenly with a blank stare “You said this would save her, you said that you wouldn’t let her die. I thought i could trust you!” I broke “Sir i-we did everything that we could to save her we couldn’t bring her back, there was nothing more that we could’ve done. I’m very sorry for your loss.” He started sobbing again uncontrollably i started to walk over to him he put a hand up his warning for me to stay back i shouldn’t have made him trust me i shouldn’t have thought i could save her those last beeps, her last breath he didn’t even get to say goodbye

Entry 86 Elizabeth,

Today started off like any other day, i woke up, i took a shower, brushed my teeth, ate food, changed my outfit. I did everything right, everything in the same order, like any other day i walked to the bus stop and to my surprise no one was there, usually, there would be one lady there, she was always there before me. She was old, had white hair tied into a short pony tail in the back of her head, she always wore a bright color, in the summer she wore bright yellow and orange sundresses with beautiful flowers on them, and in the winter she wore a red jacket with a black hat and some crazy pants. As i was distracted thinking about the old lady i heard loud footsteps coming from the corner of the fence, i started to panic because everything is the same everyday nothing changes on Hilberry street, what if someone took the old lady and was now after me as i was panicking the loud noise halted to a complete stop. I whipped my head up and saw him, his hair was messy, his eyes bright blue edged with a darker shade of blue, he looked to be in some sort of hurry, his shirt was wrinkled and his tie was on the verge of falling off his shoulders that he draped it over, his pants seemed to be the only thing that was okay, even his shoes were untied and his sock was showing though the shoe, beside his messy appearance while we stared at eachother in silence my heart skipped a beat and i was finding it harder and harder to catch my breath the longer his eyes lingered on me.

Entry 167 Daniel,

 I knew i had to wake up early i had everything planned out although i thought i had planned it better, i woke up at 8 o-clock with panic it was already 8?? I had a job interview today and i knew i couldn’t be late to this one and i had to be there at exactly 9 or i wouldn’t even get the interview. I started to frantically run around my apartment and to my surprise i had forgotten my clothing in the dryer last night everything except for my pants were wrinkled and messed up, i knew i couldn’t wear anything else so i started to put everything on i figured i would get my tie on the way there and i could fix my hair on the bus, i was in the middle of stuffing my face with bread that i didn’t even have time to toast nor butter. I started to run to the bus stop hoping that the bus had not left yet hoping that there was no traffic this morning, hoping to get this job even though i look like a drunk. I couldn’t run anymore i was to tired now and so i just walked while trying to fix my hair and trying to unwrinkle my shirt as i was coming up to the bus stop i was panicking what if there wasn’t anyone there? What if the bus is late? i turn the corner, and i see  a woman she was paler than the moons ray. She was wearing a white shirt without wrinkles and black yoga pants, with white tenni shoes her hair was up in a bun, and she was beautiful, she was perfect i couldn’t tear my eyes away, my heart beat picked up, and for that moment i had forgotten my doubts for today.

Was it too much to ask?

For you to fight? To stay?

Was I too much for you?

Wouldn’t you have liked to see me now?

How I long to see you now

My desire for your advice is torturous

The little memories from you i cherish

I would be eager for one conversation

Are you in a better place now?

Do you feel pain, or regret?

They tell me everything happens for a reason

I must take my leave,

For the longer i stay here the longer i’ll suffer

Nevertheless, i will remember you

Your tenderness, your abundance of love

Your ability to share serenity,

What little you had you still shared

If only you had thought of my life without you

You buried my serenity with you

Without you, I wouldn’t have saw the light

I wouldn’t have made it though the darkness

if you weren’t there

who would illuminate all the dark places in my mind or in my life.

Sometimes I wonder if I could’ve made it without,

Even though I know I couldn’t have.

I pulled so many beautiful flowers,

And yet for you, I couldn’t pull out the roots.

No matter how hard I tried you continued to grow back,

even though sometimes I wished you wouldn’t.

if it weren’t for you,

I wouldn’t have realized the power in our roots.