I must’ve been on 1000 first dates Seen so many sights for free With relatively good company

The boy in high school who sat with me after class (if you’d even count that) Or the one before him who took me to the showcase and we held hands. There was that one kayak guide who gave me a special tour of the caves and the coves And the boy in the band who liked me first, little did I know. That guy from hinge who pretends he’s living in the 50s Can’t forget the one who took me to in n out, whose license place was JEEPEEJ.

I laugh about the German one, who loved beer and Nintendo There was that boy in Florence who walked me to the duomo That one guy who wouldn’t stop twidling his thumbs, but knew all the best Jazz in San Diego. One dude showed me all his reptiles And another went straight to showing me his snake I really wanted to like the boy who treated me so great on my birthday But I just didn’t Not him, or the one that I went to the gallery with on OB Wednesday I like to think of the one that took me to the dog beach, because with him things felt great But he wasn’t ready to be with me He realized after the second date.

I might just go crazy if I ever hear those words again From a boy who wanted me in the first place Because I must’ve been on 1000 first dates And they’ve all told me that I’m just great That they’ve never met anyone like me before But, they can’t be with me, for one reason or more

I am made entirely of flaws Stitched together by good intentions Like the pretty pieces of all your ugly dolls Sewn together, no resemblance A new toy you put in your room Reminding you of all the things You wanted to forget

But I’m hoping you’ll see my new beauty And it’ll make you smile I hope you see me happy Cause my tears are never crocodile And I hope we’re only laughing So you’ll want to stay awhile

But please look away If I’m being mean Sometimes I forget To speak nicely And hold me If I’m acting crazy So I don’t hurt you Or push you away accidentally

Show me the things I can’t see I’ll do my best to understand fully And listen to my stories Because I’ll always listen to yours gladly See me for my good And my bad All my joy, and all my sad And if you still love me, you must accept that It’s the perfectly, Imperfect me

Memory breathes Automatically recording The moments of life We may forget Or remember

Like a breath Some are deeper Or smaller But still part Of the bigger picture

Taking in the vision Absorbing what may come with it And consequently Breathing out Something it replaced

Smell the roses Blow out the candle Smell the emotions Blow out the battle We breathe, just as memory does And stop, just as memory dies

What is it To be sorrounded by all those that you love In the place you’ve learned to love so much But in your time of need In the time you long for a hug For that shoulder to so freely cry on You don’t know who to call? To be deprived of comfort Even though you seem so comfortable To be scared of what’s next Even though you seem to love your life. What is it To feel like you should love this life When you don’t? To be given what’s good (to be nourished) Yet to be unsatisfied (malnourished)

We walked down the cliff Treaded carefully through the rocks One hand holding the ridges on the left The other swinging around to find balance

We reached that beach The one Charlie led us to After coves of rock We found the one of sand With its own little jungle of trees Our own little world for sometime

The sun was beaming An occasional drizzle As per usual on the island of Kauai We swam, we laughed We ate mushrooms And bumped ketamine Asking questions Of life at nineteen

The tide there was strong Strong enough to scare me The ocean never scares me But here, the ocean felt angry I went to her When I found myself crying Hiding my tear ridden face under my hat I went to her

I asked her to help me To take the pain away So she grew strong and she grabbed me And spit me out As if to say “Only I can hurt you, Not him. He can’t hurt you.”

She washed me away And took the pain Just to bring me back With my heart still intact As broken as it my feel I know I will heal

Because I deserve happiness too With or without him I had it before I can find it again after Because I deserve that The ocean told me so

I’m on the way to you, Finally. 10 years ago, when we were just kids When we were just 2 kids, in love And we had thought we’d never be apart, I never would’ve imagined that there could be a world in which I didn’t see you I didn’t talk to you Or hear about your stories and your accomplishments In which I didn’t hug you Or feel you A world in which I didn’t know you. But here we are, 10 years later, I’m getting closer to you by hundreds of miles a minute. Finally, after so long, you are the destination of my journey. And 10 years later, I’m still in love with you. I’m still just that kid who watched your lips as you spoke, And wanted to hear your laugh everyday Who shared her soul with you And wanted a piece of yours in return. Who melted when your lips came close, and sank when they touched I sunk into you And I haven’t swam out since. But you did You grabbed onto that branch of that tree That was invading our magical waters And you let it pull you out. I didn’t know you could stop loving me So quickly too I bet you didn’t know I could stop loving you I bet you don’t know that I haven’t But I’ll see you now, because I miss you. I miss talking And listening And hugging And feeling The way that you make me talk, listen, hug, and feel. Essentially, I miss knowing you I want to know you again Let me know you again.

What is art? Art is up for interpretation Art is decided by its creator Art is who makes it, not what it is Art is what it is, regardless of who makes it

These are all possible answers So many of us are looking at this work of “art” in the middle of the room All of us thinking something different Or many of us thinking something that is the same Art is art when one person looks at it and says “This is making me think in a new way” Whether it’s the creator Or the interpreter That feels that way, Art is art, When a beautiful eye claims that it is.

It’s a scary world The one we live in But you, the space that you are, Makes it a little more bearable. It gets tiring, to search all the time For a small sense of joy Or for a moment of ease, that is gone before it settles, But when I return to you The searching stops. Instead, I get lost In the art on your walls And the trinkets on your shelves The jewelry that hangs and the photos scattered about The opened packets of yet to be planted seeds And the broken cameras. So many broken cameras. Your Jade green color hidden by the chaos The organized chaos I get lost in you And I forget to search And suddenly, It all gets easier.

My favorite part of the day Is when I get in bed To close my eyes
Because then, I know I’ll be seeing you soon

Our story continues now, only in my dreams Where my mind works its hardest To create your image To gather your essence From the memories that are fading away

Yet, the dreams feel foreign Because in my dreams, we aren’t getting along But in my memories That’s all we did

But you don’t think about that anymore You’re with her. “What about my feelings?” I fear telling you “I didn”t think about that.” I fear you saying “You don’t think about me .” I fear feeling

I swore the last one was the last I swore I wouldn’t write another Not another about you Or about our love Or about how you make me feel How you made me feel But this, is exactly how it is

How we went from lying in that bed In disbelief that anyone could love anyone The way I love you And the way you love me. How you left me that day Without a doubt in my head That it would be us in the end How we would call all day and night Talking or not You were always in mind I listened to you laugh I listened to you snore You listened to me gab And listened some more All over the phone.

Our love was pure Our love was true Even from the other side of the world I knew it was you But now I’m sitting here, On your side of the world Having been so close to you in space But you refused to see my face You never told me why Never said goodbye But love is the lie That keeps us alive