“I don’t know why. I just couldn’t help myself.” I tried to explain to Natalie, but she wouldn’t listen. She started backing away from me saying, “I knew this was a mistake, I should’ve never came to see you.” She turned heading straight for the door, but I screamed, “Wait! Come back, we need to talk about what just happened.” She shook her head and said, “Nothing happened, I came to see you and now I’m leaving. The end. It’s all over.” I said, “But that’s not what happened, please let’s just talk about it.” She slowly walked back to my hospital bed and said, “Fine, start talking.” I said, “It all started after I made the team. You were a cheerleader and I was the QB. We were always together, pregame you always wished me good luck and said, ‘I hope you throw 5 touchdown passes tonight’ and I always said, ‘I hope you fly high enough to see the whole world, but it couldn’t compare to your beauty.’ You would blush and talk about how strong I was, and I would go on about how pretty you were. You encouraged me when I was down you cheered extra for me when I was doing good, you gave me pep talks. You stood on the sidelines waiting for me to give you a hug after every touchdown. After the games the team would go out to eat, but I convinced them to let the cheerleaders go to, just so I could see you. That night though, everything was different. You didn’t give me a pep talk, you didn’t encourage me, you cheer for me, you didn’t give me hugs after touchdowns, and you didn’t see them have to take me ti the hospital. Not having you messed me up, now I have you here, and I made you want to leave again.” I looked away from her I had tears in my eyes she said, “You think I wanted this to happen? I do all those things because I care about you. How do you think it feels to be at your sister’s wedding, and get a call because you best friend is being taken to the hospital. I tried to call you and make sure you were ok, but you didn’t answer. I finally got ahold of your mom and she said, ‘They are going ahead and doing the surgery, but you can come see him as soon as he gets out.’ Right after the wedding was over I got here as fast as I could.” I smiled and said, “Is that why you look so beautiful, this time?” Natalie started to blush but then she said, “You wanted to talk about why you kissed me, not why I’m beautiful.” I said, “I wanted to kiss you because I love you. I couldn’t handle not having you for one day. I tore my ACL because I didn’t have you. Without you I’m just a guy in the hospital, but with you I’m the happiest guy in the hospital.” She took my hand and said, “Do you really mean all that?” I smiled and said, “Haven’t I suffered enough by not having you? I already tore my ACL. If you left again I don’t know what else would happen, but the pain of tearing my ACL doesn’t even start to compare to losing you.” After that she understood how much I really cared about her, and she started to think about how much she cared about me. The good news is my leg might be recovering, but my heart is in the best shape it has ever been in.

“I think I’m the happiest person in the world!”, said Bree. It was summer and she was camp with her best friends, and soon to be boyfriend, but all that would change. Bree was having some trouble… her ex-boyfriend had moved on, she was hurt but she didn’t want him to know that. Bree rushed into her next relationship due to jealousy, even though she didn’t want to admit that. The last day at camp she told James that she liked him, if she said it like that again she could probably fool both of us. Camp finally ended, but the fun lasted. Bree and her friends had a sleepover, they had a “Houseparty” with some of their other friends from camp. They all really enjoyed themselves, and overall had a great time, but that didn’t last. School started and everything changed, everyone said, “High-school really changes a person.”, but I never knew how true that statement was, until about one week in. James texted me and said, “Hey is something wrong with Bree.” I responded, “Not that I know of, but why are you asking? Is everything ok?” I knew that it wasn’t, Bree had been lying to him for more than 2 weeks, I mean I was covering for her but we were friends, I thought I had too. He said, “She won’t call me anymore, I’m lucky if she texts me, and when I see her in person she pushes me away and says, ‘I can’t be with you or I’ll get in trouble’ I don’t why she is doing this to me, I just want to be there for her.” I never realized how other people felt when stuff like that happened, I was never on that end of the table, but soon I would be on the same side of James. He asked me to text her on his behalf, and we were friends, so I did. She got mad me for doing it, she blocked me, and then had someone text me for her. I was called childish for calling her out on the lies, and I was called a bad friend, because if I was a good friend I would have never said anything like that to Bree. I was so mad. Right after that she cut me off to, she never spoke or texted me, not that she did it much before that anyway. Soon after that she goasted the rest of our friends, I hadn’t told them what happened yet, because I didn’t want to put them in the middle of it, but apparently that didn’t matter anymore. I told them all that had happened so far and I waited to see what happened next.

This was based on a true story, but I didn’t use the real peoples names. There is more to the story, but I’m not good at describing the emotions that I felt so it’s kinda dry, but I’m real life me and the real life Bree still aren’t friends, we talk the minimum amount possible. Me and the real life James are actually kinda close, after that we really helped each other through a lot, he is really good at giving advice. She still isn’t friends with pretty much everyone else who went to camp with us, so goasted everyone, except the people who encouraged her to lie about the situation. I know Bree is going through a lot with different things, but I’m trying to forgive her it’s hard but possible. And if you are going through anything like this remember things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. One thing James always says is, “The world is a dark and nasty place, it will beat you to your knees if you let it, but it doesn’t matter how hard you punch, it matters how much you can get punch and get up and keep fighting.” Just keep fighting I’ve made it this far so you can too.

Heyyyyyy! I know we haven’t met yet but I hope you know that I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I hope that one day even when you move out that when you go off with your friends you still call your parents and say, “I made it home safe.” I pray that I can find you in a church pew on Sunday morning and Wednesday night, but that between those days you still praise the Lord. I hope that you know that your sweatshirts and hoodies are also my sweatshirts and hoodies. Some days I’ll get a song stuck in my head but it’s not stuck in my head because it’s catch, it’s stuck in my head because it reminds me of you. I need you to always be there for me but if you made it this far with me then you’ve probably already helped me through a lot. I hope you have big plans but not too big, you got to remember I’m just a small town girl. I hope people can see that I’m yours just by the way look at me, you big beautiful eyes, softened every time you see me. You always know what to say to get my attention not to many people can do that but out of all of them that have tried I only found you. I hope you know your a great guy especially if my dad let us get together, by that point we are further ahead then I ever thought we would be. I hope you love me as much as I love you. I hope you know I found you even before I was looking for you. I hope you know God gave me you for a reason. I hope you know that you look for the good in others but I see the best in you. I hope I can always count on you, because me without you just doesn’t add up. I love you and I hope you know that.

My plans were sweating, my knees where shaking, I was so nervous. I started tapping my foot when Austin said, “Your making me nervous. Stop tapping.” Then he pushed my leg to the ground I told him, “I’m sorry that I’m making you nervous, but I’m nervous. We will already have to give up 5 memories just to pay for this visit, and if…” he interrupted me by saying, “No ifs. I’m going to be fine. We won’t have to worry about giving up any more memories, because we will find out we spent all these ones for nothing.” I never got to finish what I was saying, but it didn’t matter because they called us back to a little room to discuss the results. When we got in there we sat right beside each other I held his hand, and we both took a deep breath, as if it could make the results better. The doctor said, “Austin, I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to have to tell you this, but you do have cancer.” We looked at each other, we were both devastated, I asked, “What are the treatment options?” He replied, “Either he will have chemotherapy, and a stem cell transplant, or he won’t have anything.” I asked, “How much will it cost?” He said, “A lot, but it has a great chance for Austin to survive cancer, he will have a 87% chance to survive.” We shook our heads in understanding, we planned out when we would start treatments, and then we left. We had a lot to think about, do we have enough little memories to add up to pay for this, or are we going to have to use some of our biggest and best memories to pay for this? We went to the next appointment and the started hooking Austin up so he could start his treatment, and they pulled me to the side. “You need to make a down payment.”, one of the nurses said. I made the down payment it wasn’t as much as they wanted but it was still something. He came and got some of the treatment once a month, for 5 months. Then he got the stem cell transplant, and now it’s time to pay. After his surgery he was sleeping and one of the nurses said, “Payment time.” They weren’t happy that they had to take happy memories from people, but they knew it was what they had to do. I said, “I’ll pay for it.” Austin woke up and asked, “Hey what’s going on?” I said, “I’m just making a payment for your treatment. You can go back to sleep now.” He looked at me like I was stupid and said, “You aren’t supposed to be paying for any of this.” I said, “But I love you and I’d do anything for you.” He said, “I know you would, but you don’t have to it’s not your responsibility to.” I said, “I wish it was though, I love you. I’d rather give up all my memories of you and you be healed than keep my memories and you have to suffer through this.” He said, “I know but I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I let you do that, if you didn’t know who I was, then what’s the point of me knowing who I am. Without you there isn’t a me.” I was trying to choke back tears and I said, “Then I guess there is no you, I’m making the payment. It’s to be worth something. I love you and maybe one day I’ll find you again. As I walked out the room, I heard him saying, “Please don’t do this to me, and but this. Please I love you. I love you. I’ll never forget you.” I started to cry even more. The nurse asked me, “Are you sure you want to do this?” I choked on the words but I said, “Yes, anything for him. He’s worth it.”

08/22/09 Saturday night-first date I didn’t really think I would have that much fun, but me and Nathan really hit it off. He took me to the movies and he pulled the oldest trick in the book, he “Yawned” and his arm land around me. I pulled away from him and he looked disappointed, but I was just moving the arm rest in between us. Then I put his arm back around me. After the movie we went to the park and sat on the bench talking and looking at the stars. 08-24-09 Monday night-after school I haven’t heard back for Nathan but everyone knew we hit it off. We weren’t officially together, but everyone acted like we were. The question I heard the most today was, “So, where is your boyfriend?” I always answer, “In my heart and mind.” All the girls were like, “Awwww that’s so sweet.”, but the boys were like, “Nasty! TMI! Why would you ever say that?” It was so funny though. 08-29-09 Saturday I still haven’t heard from Nathan and he hasn’t been at school all week. I called him and texted him but he didn’t respond. I’m starting to get worried. I started asking if anyone had seen him, but no one has. I decided to go to his house. His mom was gone so I asked her, “Is Nathan home.” She shook her head no. I asked, “Do you know where he is, and can I go see him?” She said, “You can see him, but he probably won’t be too happy about it.” I asked, “Where is he?” She said, “UF health downtown. Go to the 5th floor tell them I sent you.” So i planned on going tomorrow. 08-30-09 Sunday I went to the hospital and Nathan was there I went back to his room, and he asked, “Why are you here? Who told you I was here? No one was supposed to know.” I said, “Everyone is asking about you. No one else knows. I asked your mom and she told me I could come see you.” He said, “I wish you wouldn’t have come.” I walked to the bed and I stoked my fingers threw his hair. I asked, “Will you please tell me why your here?” He said, “I have a heart condition, they had to do emergency surgery, I’ll be fine in like two weeks but I can’t leave the hospital before then. I wish I would have told you, but I didn’t want you to see me like this.” The rest of the time I was there I was trying to convince him that every was going to ok. 09-01-09 Tuesday Im heading to see him now. I got to the hospital and went back to see him and he didn’t look to good. I felt his forehead and he was running a fever so I called the nurse in. She started looking at a bunch of different things and then she went to get another doctor and a bunch of machines started beeping. I ran outside the room and yelled, “HELP, COME NOW, HE NEEDS A DOCTOR!!!!” About five of them ran in and started doing different things and some lady made me leave. 09-02-09 Wednesday I slept at the hospital. It turned out that the surgery didn’t fix anything that Nathan couldn’t get better, but for now he is stable. They finally let me go see him. I walked in and I knew he wasn’t doing well but I said, “Whatever this is I’m going be here with you through it all. I love you, I know we only went on one date, but it was magical, when I didn’t hear back for you I was sad and worried. I really missed you.” He gave me his puppy dog eyes and said, “If I don’t make it out of this please find another guy, one who makes you happy, and one who will treat you right.” I smiled and said, “Anything for you.” He needed to rest so let him sleep. 09-03-09 Thursday I woke up at like 3 a.m. to my phone going off. I looked at it and answered it. Nathan had a heart attack and didn’t make it. I hope I can make his wish come true, just not any time soon.

I just had acl surgery and they finally let me out of my room. It’s not like it really matters though, I have to use a wheelchair for like three more weeks. The good thing was I was out of my room and I could finally find someone to talk to. I went to the waiting room and I met some really interesting people. Everyone had a story to tell, but I wasn’t expecting one of the stories. Jude had just left when I heard a voice say, “There coming for you.” I looked around, and didn’t see anyone, then I heard them say, “You better run.” I started to get concerned when I saw a tall muscular guy sitting across the room from me. I asked, “Are you talking to me?” He said, “Luke you know what you did, you need to run there after you. You can go to Dallas work underground get paid under the table, Tyler lives out there I’m sure he will help you. Now go before they find you. Hit the dirt!” And he woke up screaming in pain. I said, “Hey it’s ok it’s just a dream. Don’t worry about it.” He asked, “But was it just a dream?” Then I realized that he was handcuffed to the chair he was sitting in. I asked, “What happened?” He didn’t respond. I looked and said, “Those scares must hurt…” he had a scare that ran from his bicep up his arm across his shoulder and up his neck, “…usually scares hurt real bad. Some run deeper though. Your scares aren’t just on the outside, who else got hurt?” He said, “Just me.” I had a weird feeling about the conversation, but then someone came and took him away they said, “You probably don’t want to talk to him, you might get a bullet too.” I didn’t say anything, but I let the words he said while he was asleep dig deep in my mind. I went back to my room and turned on the tv when I saw a breaking news alert, a guy accused of murder was on the loose they say he killed a man and ran, he went to his brother for help but his brother wouldn’t help him. He is considered armed and dangerous, cops have already attempted to capture him once but they caught he brother instead. His brother had a gunshot wound and they think he is too. Then I remembered, “Luke you know what you did, you need to run there after you. You can go to Dallas work underground get paid under the table, Tyler lives out there I’m sure he will help you. Now go before they find you. Hit the dirt!” They guy told me everything. Who he was, who his brother was, that he did something like killing a man, he said where was going, he said who he would be with, and then he was getting shot at, when his brother got away. I started to think what do I need to do? What if he found out I know? What would he do to me? What if the cops protected me? What if I let him stay on the run? What if I turned him in? What if? That was all I could think of what if? Then all of the sudden I heard a knock at the door, I looked through the peep hole and it was him, the guy form the wait room. The good news is I’m not asking what if this time, I’m too busy asking do I let him in?

A true sacrifice And you paid the ultimate price Taking the pain And break every chain You stand in my place And have unfailing grace You loved first And end everlasting thirst You show mercy Which is even better than Hershey

These all describe Jesus Christ, his love for us made him sacrifice his life, which paid our price, he heals broken hearts and takes away that pain by being our comforter, he breaks the chains of sin, he stood in our place on the cross, his grace never fails, he loved us while we were still sinners even before we were born, anyone who drinks from his cup will never thrust again, he doesn’t give us what we deserve, and if you think Hershey is better than that then I can’t help you, but Jesus can, just call out to him. Jesus is a beautiful and perfect person who is better than any poem or story I could ever write.

I’ve always wanted to spend Halloween with my friends, but every year they go to the 13th floor. The 13th floor is a haunted house. Most people are scared of haunted houses, but I’m more scared of the number 13. I never had my 13th birthday, and I’ve never left the safety of my house on Friday the 13th. 13 just isn’t the number for me, but this year my closest friend is trying to get me to go. Zach said, “I’ll be right there with you the whole time. I won’t let anything happen to you. Don’t you trust me.” I always respond with, “I trust you, just not the number 13, or anything that has to do with it.”, then he always laughs at me. This year was different. When we talked I told him, “If you stay with me the whole time then I would go.” He agreed and I finally was going to go. Zach drove us over there, I sat up front, and Hannah, Taylor, Bailey, and Jayce rode in the back. We got there and there was 3 different routes you could take to get through the house, so we split into teams, and we all took different paths. Each path has different things to scare you so they said choose your partner wisely. Zack chose me, Jayce chose Hannah, and Taylor chose Bailey. Me and Zach headed in I was staying really close to him, I had been all night, but now I was staying really close. People dressed in costumes started popping out at us from every angle, I was a little scared but so far I could handle it. We kept going and things got a little bit more scary. At one point one of the clowns got so scary one of the actors was scared. I got closer to Zach and he said, “If your scared you can hold my hand.”, and before he could finish saying it I was holding his hand. I was really starting to get creeped out when all of the sudden a light fell from the roof and landed right beside me, I screamed. I grabbed on to Zach and rapped him in my arms. I said, “Zach this isn’t fun anymore. I wanna get out of here. Please take me home.” He said, “It’s gonna be ok. I’ll keep you safe just stay close to me.” I wouldn’t let go of him. We kept walking, but it was a little bit faster than before. Zach kept talking me through it. He was so worried about getting me out of there that he didn’t realize there was a trip wire, we fell, he broke the fall. I helped him up but he was limping. I knew he was in pain, but he kept pushing to get out of there. We made it all the way to the exit all we had to do was open the door when another light fell from the ceiling. I pushed him out of the way, but it landed on my leg. The glass covering shattered, the bulb busted, and the glass cut deep. Zach picked the light off my leg and pulled out a piece or two of glass. After that he picked me up and toted me through the exit, we were the first ones there. We texted everyone else that we would meet them at the car, Zach had a first aid kit there, and we both could use it, so we headed back. We got in the car and he said, “Open the clove department, the first aid kit is in there. After you get it give me your hurt leg and I’ll rap it for you.” I did what he said, and he rapped my leg and then I rapped his ankle, I think it was sprained, but I’m not a doctor. I’m a few minutes everyone else was at the car. Zach asked, “Can someone else please drive us home?”, everyone was confused so we explained what happened. Me and Zach ended sitting in the back and I said, “I went and I guess 13 really is a bad number for me.” He smiled and said, “Even though I got hurt I’m still glad that I got to spend time with you.” I said, “Me too, maybe we could do it again sometime? But this time no 13, or injuries.” He agreed and smiled at me the whole way home.

I saw a warm smile, but I couldn’t give one back. I see contagious laughter, but I guess I never caught it. The warm fuzzy feeling that people experienced, well at least other people experienced. I never felt happy. Sadness swallowed me like a sable eating a rat. One fast strike, and just like that I’m done, I didn’t even get a chance to fight back. I never could have imagined that I could be happy, until Logan told me a place where I could but it. I headed to the store as fast as I could. I hoped that this happiness was worth it, it costed like $30, the worst part was it only lasted for one day. I swallowed the happiness, as soon as I did my entire life changed, I felt it, it worked. I enjoyed seeing people. When I entered a room I actually smiled. My friend told a joke and for the first time ever I laughed, I didn’t even know I could laugh. I loved this feeling it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I never felt the feeling of happiness before, most people don’t believe me when I tell them that, but the true is when I was just a baby my happiness was stolen. Someone broke in our house that night, the extracted and stole my happiness, and a few other things, but my happiness was the main thing that I was mad about. Why would anyone steal the happiness from innocent children, that was something I thought about a lot, but today was different. This new feeling was better than anything I have ever felt before, but I know it won’t last long, I’m trying to hold onto it for as long as I can. This won’t last forever, so I’ll make the most of it for as long as possible. I had some fun, I hung out with my friends, listened to some good jokes, and just had a happy day. The bad thing was I felt it falling away. I wasn’t laughing as hard, I was smiling less, and the warm fuzzy feeling wasn’t as warm or fuzzy anymore. It slowly slipped away until I had no happiness left. I was left in disappointment, pain, and regret. I was I never would have experienced happiness, because when it was gone I felt even worse than I did without it. I lost the only good thing I had. The pain of loosing it outweighed the joy of having it. I will forever be depressed, longing for the day I die, then I won’t be a prisoner to the sadness, and pain anymore.

This weekend was going to be great, my boyfriend Brantley was taking my to the lake. I’m staying with him and his family. They have a boat that’s great for fishing, and tubing. We got there around 8 pm Friday night. While we were unloading the car Sawyer(Brantley’s little brother) wanted to go down to the water so I walked him down there. He walked along the edge of the water and chased the minnows around. The next morning we got up early and went fishing. I caught 4 bass, Sawyer caught 2, and Brantley only caught 1. We made fun of him for only catching one but every time we made fun of him he said, “I only caught one because I was too busy trying to help y’all. Sawyer was afraid of the bait and I had to help him with that every other cast, and you were scared to touch the fish.” He was right and we both knew it, so we stopped making fun of him. We came in after fishing we ate and talked to mom and dad. We waited until after lunch, but then we went tubing. Sawyer was up first, he thought we were going so fast, but he was so small we couldn’t go that fast or he would get hurt. Then it was Brantley’s turn. Dad was going like 30 miles an hour, and for tubing that’s fast. Brantley held on for dear life, but he got flung off. We got him back in the boat and it was my turn. I said, “Don’t take it easy on me. I can handle anything you can throw at me.” I honestly thought I could, but dad thought otherwise, he said, “Alright, but when I throw you off I don’t want to hear any crying.” I just shook my head and got in the tube. I was holding on and the rope pulled tight, I started to glide across the water, then the real fun happened. We hit the first set of bumps and I held on. Then dad made a full 360, I almost lost my grip, but I wasn’t giving up that easy. I quickly pulled myself back up onto the tube, and I did it real quick, just not quick enough. We hit a bump and I was airborne. I hit the water like a strong hard slap, and I was out cold. Brantley realized I was off the tube and told dad to turn around, but they couldn’t find me. I was face down, and I was calling for then. Thankfully Sawyer saw my red life jacket, without it I would have drowned. After Sawyer saw me he screamed, “There she is!”, and he point at me. Dad started to drive over to me in idle speed, but Brantley knew something was wrong. One of the good things about Brantley is he is a lifeguard. He saw I was still on my back, even though I should have turned over to get air. He knew that dad had a rule that you weren’t allowed to stand up while the boat was running, but he knew what needed to be done. He stood up and started running even though dad said, “Stop! We are you doing? Sit back down!”, but Brantley couldn’t answer him, he had to save me. Brantley run and dive into the water, he was swimming as hard and as fast as he could. After he jumped out the boat was shifted off path so dad had to adjust the angle. Brantley final got to me and he grabbed me and flipped me over he screamed, “Dad hurry! You have to help her! Get her in the boat!”, and dad said, “Hunny take the wheel!” He jumped up and ran to the front of the boat. When they got close enough dad pulled me over the side, and Sawyer helped Brantley in. Dad said, “She isn’t breathing!”, Brantley checked my pulse, and it wasn’t there. He immediately started chest compressions, when dad said, “Hunny take us home, FAST!” Brantley did 30 compressions and then 2 breaths, before he finished with that first set Sawyer was crying and saying, “Don’t die, I love you, please just wake up.” After the 2 breaths he started compressions again, and I coughed up so much water, but I was alive. Brantley made sure I was ok, and he was so worried about me he took me home the next day.