“I saw what you did last night. And I’ve told everyone.” “What! Why! Why did you do that?” Every word causing me to increase my volume to enforce the anger and irritation involved with telling the world about my meeting with my former boss. “Yes, I did. We all need to know that you met with Mike and that now you are thinking about going back to work for him.” “No! No you did not. I am not going back to work for him. I am not. I need to make the next chapter of my life work without him involved in it. “Well they need to know if you are going to be that nasty negative person again. No! Stop being animated. You were a horrible person when you worked for that office. “Fine Yes you are right. I was horrible back then. AND That is one of the very reasons I AM NOT GOING BACK!” Arms in the air and voice as loud as possible I looked her in the face. Did she hear me this time?
We went into the den to sit down together. I need to share it all.
“I have been pounding up the friends list on Facebook asking for bookkeeping business. I have been posting every day to Facebook. For a month so far and I have to keep it consistent. I am adding new friends within the demographic of people who might own property to the degree of needing a bookkeeping. Not that they are accepting my requests. Not that they reply to the message when I send a “thank you” message.”
“GOD! Above I have been praying daily for help and guidance finding my purpose. I have been doing everything humanly possible to keep a positive attitude & keep to my personal commitment to this business. I know that the wheels of progress need to keep moving forward. It is like a roller coaster. I keep an emotions journal. I speak regularly with a coach. I have massage work weekly to reduce physical stress and pain. I eat well & try to sleep at least 7 hours a night. I am keeping the house & managing the laundry to keep our home on a nice schedule. I have leadership books to read and LinkedIn learning classes I have saved for taking.”
“Please have faith in me. Have faith that we can survive this COVID environment without having me work for a man who does not respect me.”
“My goal is to find those people who own properties. They happen to rent their property out. Now they need help getting their bank accounts reconciled. Devoted attention to getting their records organized into clear cash flow and profit & loss statements. Lord GOD There has to be because I have the skills to offer. I know the universe has that perfect job and I am ready to find it.”
“So can you just… hang in with me and just stop pushing me to go back to that job. Yes you are the one that keeps talking about the old place.” I watched as she realized what I was saying.
She finally speaks, “So what can I do?” “Hug me. Tell me how great it is to be following my dream. Stop talking about that place.” “Okay, I can do that.” The hug long and warm and comforting.
Hello cousin! Welcome to my home! I do hope your visit goes well and that we here at Marshall house treat you like royalty.
Let me take you on the tour. As we make our way to the gallery let us plan your visit.
I do wish to give you some advice.
Don’t let the butterfly fool you. This guy is not to be taken lightly. He won’t… hurt you exactly. I just recommend keeping your distance. You will only see him out and about weed hen it is raining. The best time for meeting up with the unexpected who might be having a bad day. A polite greeting and a remark about the weather will quickly become a full conversation. The foreboding feelings will become overwhelming but you will not be about to make a sound decision.
You my friend will not fair well by the end of the visit.
But my all means, make new Friend’s while you are here. Everyone is expecting your arrival.
“Every night I wake up under the same crooked tree”.
It doesn’t matter if I take my medicine or something “else”.
I have tried restraining myself to no avail. It doesn’t matter how far away I travel or if I end my night already near the tree. I always wake up as though I have been placed next to the tree like a doll.
“Hey Joy did you see what Joe just did?” “No I did not, replay the memory…..” “Ok give me a second to adjust the … here…” as Anger hit the play button. “Okay, yeah that’s awful. Ouch! What are we doing about it?” “I am glad you asked because…” as he hits a few buttons on the feelings reaction board. “I am going to kick him.” And he punches the “accept” function. Joy watches the display to see the results of Anger’s furious movements with the control board.
As the moment plays out in real life for me, I can feel my anger rising up and my body moves forward in the steps to kick Joe in retaliation.
“What! Huh!” The radio on the alarm clock is playing a country morning show.
I woke up in a startle and yip. It took a minute for my mind to wake up and register that I was home and in my own bed. Yes last night is a bit fuzzy just now. I managed a glance at the curtains to see decently bright daylight. The day seems to be nice and sunny outside. I nob with approval because I did not want to have to deal with rain today.
The time on the clock does not lie, I am running late. “Late”, with a chuckle, that should be my middle name. Just a quickly as the joke was formed the wave of sadness was back. He would have made that joke and I would laugh with him every time.
The gravity of the date set’s in with an audible click as I’m finishing up my shower. The hot water and spring time fragrance soup have done their work and broke through the thick fog I woke up in. Only a big mug of hot coffee and warm comfort clothes will do now. I pick out my best sweater and my favorite pair of slacks. Nice enough for today but cozy.
Journaling last night was exactly what I needed. I was able to process some of my emotions before today. Before seeing anyone. Before their unending questions. I was up pretty late though, I’m going to need more coffee. I am glad I asked the venue to have it ready. Oh yes, reaching across the vanity, waterproof mascara and concealer.
….
I’m at the front door to leave. Double check I have everything I need, and /or might need today.
Keys - check Wallet - check Phone - check Waterproof mascara - check Tissue pack - always check Hair that can stand high velocity winds - check Eulogy -- (big sigh) check 💧
The gamit of emotions I have had to battle while preparing myself to leave today has been one of the hardest since the day I quit my corporate job after seven years of loyal service.
