You were a better friend than role model I liked it though, it meant I could Choose my bedtime Eat junk Drink Bring questionable people over

I never knew much about you You never opened up Except with the aid of the bottle Till that became more often than not I didn’t like seeing that So I kept distance

When you passed I lost my best friend I mourned for the father The father you could be

Music blaring Hot humid air .15 blood alcohol

Flowing rolling golden locks Your green eyes meet mine

Lost in the moment Lost in you

I don’t dance That night I did

Face to face Looking Eyes to lips Eyes to eyes

Pulling you in by back of neck Kissing as teenagers do When feels all so new

Friends eyes on us With mouths agape For they all knew

Your boyfriend My girlfriend

My fingers gliding down With a gentle firmness Down, down your supple neck Inch by inch

My other hand Your body I make you sing To a rhythmic Thump, Thump, Thump

My fingers speed Up, up The faster, harder I go The louder you get

Sweat beading on my forehead You screaming my song We finish together I lay you down

I just look at Carmen and smile Beautiful top to bottom One hell of a bass guitar

Her father in and out of prison Mother died from cancer Brother abusive, Now born again

Would break most people Not her Some merely survive While she thrived

Cliché to say she’s too good for me So I won’t I’m just happy for her If she can make it So can I

1:14am Alone Laying in bed Oppressive silence binds Heart pounds Will I ever see you again Will I ever Feel Touch Smell

No

1:15am Alone I pick up my phone No calls, texts, and IM’s It’s habit checking every lonely moment Most of them are now though

1:16am Me and you with our cozy apartment Me and you with our two cats Why do I keep saying with

Was

1:19am Alone I grab my phone again I find a podcast and hit play Some familiar voices to sooth Something to fall asleep to But nothing too good as those are for Lucid hours

1:46am Phones buzzes Wake alone Phone Email Tears

Sleep

2:59am Wake What do I have to do tomorrow Work I check the time It’s been tomorrow for 3 hours I have a laugh

Time had never passed so slowly

From Strangers To Friends To Lovers

Until

I pulled You pushed

You pulled I pushed

From I loved you’s To I hate you

You pulled I pulled

From Lovers To strangers

Heads bent locked on screen Roads blocked on the street

From A to B I forget to be

Under cement tree I rest for me

Better clothes

Dorky nerd

Better body

You’re too skinny

Better face

Weak chin, nose too big

Better personality

I see you as a brother

Stronger body

You’re looking good

Stronger mind

It was all in my head

Friends first, lovers later

Passions faded

So did I

I met her

Passions swelled

So did I

Only passion with us

You said goodbye

So did I