You were a better friend than role model

I liked it though, it meant I could

Choose my bedtime

Eat junk

Drink

Bring questionable people over

I never knew much about you

You never opened up

Except with the aid of the bottle

Till that became more often than not

I didn’t like seeing that

So I kept distance

When you passed

I lost my best friend

I mourned for the father

The father you could be...

Music blaring

Hot humid air

.15 blood alcohol

Flowing rolling golden locks

Your green eyes meet mine

Lost in the moment

Lost in you

I don’t dance

That night I did

Face to face

Looking

Eyes to lips

Eyes to eyes

Pulling you in by back of neck

Kissing as teenagers do

When feels all so new

Friends eyes on us

With mouths agape

For they all knew

Your boyfriend

My girlfriend...

My fingers gliding down

With a gentle firmness

Down, down your supple neck

Inch by inch

My other hand

Your body

I make you sing

To a rhythmic

Thump, Thump, Thump

My fingers speed

Up, up

The faster, harder I go

The louder you get

Sweat beading on my forehead

You screaming my song

We finish together

I lay you down

I just look at Carmen and smile

Beautiful top to bottom

One hell of a ...

Her father in and out of prison

Mother died from cancer

Brother abusive, Now born again

Would break most people

Not her

Some merely survive

While she thrived

Cliché to say she’s too good for me

So I won’t

I’m just happy for her

If she can make it

So can I...

1:14am

Alone

Laying in bed

Oppressive silence binds

Heart pounds

Will I ever see you again

Will I ever

Feel

Touch

Smell

No

1:15am

Alone

I pick up my phone

No calls, texts, and IM’s

It’s habit checking every lonely moment

Most of them are now though

1:16am

Me and you with our cozy apartment

Me and you with our two cats

Why do I keep saying with

Was

1:19am

Alone

I grab my phone again

I find...

From

Strangers

To Friends

To Lovers

Until

I pulled

You pushed

You pulled

I pushed

From I loved you’s

To I hate you

You pulled

I pulled

From

Lovers

To strangers...

Heads bent locked on screen

Roads blocked on the street

From A to B

I forget to be

Under cement tree

I rest for me...

Better clothes

Dorky nerd

Better body

You’re too skinny

Better face

Weak chin, nose too big

Better personality

I see you as a brother

Stronger body

You’re looking good

Stronger mind

It was all in my head...

Friends first, lovers later

Passions faded

So did I

I met her

Passions swelled

So did I

Only passion with us

You said goodbye

So did I...