Only the Ringmaster wears the hat

And the first was my grandfather.

The top hat, found in a box on the floor

Of a tired little shop.

The tent, old fabrics sewn together.

The costumes, bits and pieces from flea markets And clearance bins.

The performers? Foundlings.

Lost and then brought together, by him.

It was all him.

The song and dance

The flips and turns and jumps

The intrigue and suspense...

Carla’s last client burst through the door fifteen seconds before closing time. Carla rolled her eyes, turned toward the woman before her, and wailed.

“Oh, Rosa.” She couldn’t believe her eyes. “Rosa, what did you do??”

“I did what I had to do!” The woman barked back, and then lowered her eyes to the floor. “I…I know it’s late. I had nowhere else to go.”

“Ay, díos mio.” Carla couldn’t stop her...

“What’s out there?

I can’t see.

I can hold myself together quite well,

When I am in this dark, chilled box.

I am whole and I am firm.

But if I am to leave this place,

The world may not keep me so cool.

I am so easily changed,

With even the gentle pressure of a finger.

It wouldn’t take much to melt me.

What would happen if I were taken outside

And the world began to melt me down?

If I became soft ...

I wish I had never let go.

I lashed out in anger

And severed a tie

That cannot be healed again.

I told you to leave

To pack up your things

And you waited for me to turn around

To change my mind and let you back in

To take you in my arms

But I never did.

Instead I let go.

Can I ever undo this?

My baby, how could I cast you out?

I took your house from you,

Your security, your safety

And for what...

How is there no one here??

I edge my head over the cliff, looking down at the clear water. The air is scented with about five different floral notes, and they seem to swirl around the place.

“Hello?” I call out, but there is no voice in return. There’s got to be someone tending to all these gorgeous flowers. Or at least appreciating them.

I take a tiny pebble and drop it into the water, watching...

I didn’t always live here.

I came here when she died.

She was a very old lady and nobody was surprised, but everyone was sad. All the family members used to talk loudly and jump and play when they visited her, but now they looked sadly through all the things she left behind. They started to take things away, and one day a family member found me alone on my bed.

At first I was afraid. I had nev...

You don’t need me anymore, I think without saying it aloud. She wouldn’t be able to hear me even if I did say it.

I’m so proud of her. She’s grown so much. She went from a shy, mousy little girl who needed to invent her own friends, to a confident seven year old, who raises her voice and speaks to so many real friends.

I can feel myself fading away, but I smile. This means she’s okay. She can d...

As I stared up at the clouds in the skies

They started to fracture in front of my eyes.

The blue filled with cracks, the white scattered down

In spite of it all, a smile took my frown.

Your beautiful face soon came into view

I knew that you wanted to take me with you.

You reached down your hand, you held tight my face

But couldn’t quite pull me into your embrace.

We knew then, my angel, I had...

How could you have done this to yourself?

All because of me?

I see your tears fall.

I see your sleepless nights,

Spent picturing my face.

You always said your heart

Beats just for me

But now each beat is hollow,

And your heartstrings stretch taut

As if they could break at any moment.

You even loved me so much

That you stayed when it happened.

You watched the light leave my eyes.

Now I’m doomed t...

“No…no, no, please no.”

I heard the broken voice, felt the warm grooves of her hand, but my eyes remained shut. I could not move. I could only listen.

“Amy…baby, I’m so sorry.” It’s her voice. “I’m so so sorry.” What happened? What is she sorry for?

It comes back to me slowly, like a wave washing over me. The car ride with Clara. The accident. The surgery. The feeling like I was floating above...