his sister recently produced a baby full of giggles at the littlest of things the first girl that ever broke his heart married her soulmate last week his parent's marriage failed but mom and stepmom are the best of friends kathy may down the street who always wore pigtails went on her first date, only to be proposed to on the same night. he gave a toast at his best friend's funeral right in front of his fiancee who could only laugh rooster the neighborhood stray has found love in the six-grand poodle betty the sun and moon were out at the same time today to say hello to each other that was why he still believed in love
my favorite color is pink but it was so stegmitized growing up so i always say green i don’t tell people i use to watch wresting because i haven’t in years and people always make me feel bad for saying anything i can’t stand the sound of bones popping but i try to ignore it because as soon as its out there everybody wants to pop i came out when i was thirteen but i don’t tell people since i have never dated a girl home is my favorite song ever i can’t listen to it anymore after they took it from me i cried the first time i listened to chatahoochie in several years it made me feel like everything was going to be okay you never asked, but
kiss me one day i’m going to kiss someone for the second time ever and i’m going to tell everyone it was my first kiss ever until things go bad and it makes me sick to think i kissed them and i’ll find someone else to kiss for the third time ever and they will be my first kiss until the cycle repeats itself until eventually i do forget my first kiss then my second and my third until i get good at it one kiss at a time and then i will just leave that conversation out until someone asks about my first kiss to which i will say “i don’t remember” and i won’t be lying
kiss me one day i kissed someone for the second time ever and i did indeed tell them it was my first kiss. until it went wrong and it made me sick to think about it. and then the third and fourth and fifth would have come and i would have continued the lie the cycle seeming to repeat itself with every hushed whisper. until my final kiss arrived where the lying didn't seem necessary and i could fill them in on every little lie i shared every wet kiss i had without the thought or care of 'how good it was' because the final kiss is what matters i don't have to lie about my first in the parking lot i won't have to lie anymore.
my eyes are no match for the sight of my brain they flutter back and forth between him and he knowing nothing on site but knowing all on feel he lives in a fantasy world beyond fantasy that lives in my delicate little brain wishy washy on the straight facts that go with him his dooming and loud personality contrasts to his sweet and loving side that only exists within the walls of a fake memory we do things like picnics and have children while he doesn’t know my name i’ve mapped a schedule to fit his perfectly so i see him and wrap his mind to mine what breaks my heart is wanting to tell my friends just how sweet he is how perfect he is to our little boy how much he appreciates them but in the all i daydream
in the hands of our creator one world under one hold of the god
watches us and we watch him but do you know the feelings of our god?
i can’t help but feel overwhelmed when i think of how much they have gone through, god
please be temporary with your mixed emotions all will be handled under your god
love thy creator love one’s self of a god
i haven’t seen my bedroom floor in almost two months everytime my mom enters she is taken back by the smell but i have grown use to it
i lay in my own filth accumulation of my dusting falling behind and my own body having not felt water in weeks
bathroom trips are equated to gorilla warfare crossing the depths of hell trenches made when i drag my feet and make a path to get out memories of my past life causes disconnect
i haven’t seen my dog today she lays somewhere in the depths in a world that she owns as my room gives way to different species and kingdoms to naturally occur
Death is never a good thing, even when it is welcomed. Tears are still shed, and thoughts still hurt. We expect it to come, and know that sometimes it’s just knocking at our door. It’s never easy, even when we want it to be. I had been through everything with her. Sleepless nights as we both tried to calm the other, it’s the result of two friends who both had toxic minds. We spent weekends together for many years, where we would message boys we liked, then forget all about it the next day. Our days were filled with constant messaging to discuss the latest events in each other’s life and the world. We were in no pet new to the idea of hurt. Not even a year earlier, I watched as she slowly withered away with her grandmothers death. For weeks, her smile was gone, her laugh sounded off, and no one felt like being around her any longer. Soon she came out, it was like a slump that we no longer talked about. Her smile returned and the laugh that we grew to love made a new appearance. Nothing can prepare you for seeing your best friend absolutely lifeless. It was merely practice in the events that was to haunt me forever. Hearing of her grandfathers death was another event, he was old, and smoked and drank everyday. I didn’t know him personally, but knowing his lifestyle didn’t surprise me of the event. It was four days before I saw her. I can’t even recall seeing her at the funeral, which I briefly stopped by to see her, see any light. Days without any contact with her. It was scary, knowing someone else was dead, but also wondering if she was too. When I finally saw her, she was different. There was nothing left of her, her eyes seemed to lose all color. This time was different, she had nothing to smile or laugh for. I thought when I was looking at her, she was the dead one.
I wake up. Pour a cup of coffee, mixed with two tablespoons of French Vanilla creamer, topped with whipped milk. My couch is clean and neat from the night before, from the movies I had watched last night. Yesterday’s news gave light to my issue to go with what’s popular, not forming my own opinions. “Listen to your ideas more” and I listened by taking the whole day to watch movies, read articles, forming opinions on things I didn’t feel the need to have an opinion on. My eyes glance across the screen, taking in every word that has carefully been picked and given to me. Humanity discussions, new friends. I’m going to call up that girl I use to work with and ask her if she wants to go to dinner. She’s real smart, her husband just recently started a nonprofit to save starving children. Maybe I can get in with her crowd.
