I am afraid of crying in public I am afraid of thunderstorms And that I am a bad teacher I am afraid of my own voice when I yell I am afraid of the dark Because in it I can see all my flaws I am afraid of being stuck In some suffocating space Like the crevice of a rock Or with an unfaithful lover I am afraid of the way hospitals smell I am afraid of my own heart Because it is glass I am afraid of this pit in my stomach Acid eating me from the inside I am afraid of burning, decaying flesh Spiders building webs in the sockets of my eyes I am afraid of true love Slipping through my fingers Because I ran out of time

I used to be afraid of the dark Thought monsters had fangs and claws Hidden under my bed, ready to attack Devouring me with wide open jaws.

I used to believe as a child In witches, werewolves and vampires That hunted people at night Rejoicing in their blood desires.

But now that I’ve grown up I see Wars, murders, gore and deadly weapons And I realise with an aching heart That the real monsters are the humans.

Shaking jelly spines, And gasping pinpricked lace lungs, Body slick with wet,
And heart a racing whirlpool, Is this what real fear feels like?

I used to be afraid of things I didn’t understand. As I got older that separated me from being a boy and a man. No man puts fear in my heart but God. And he’s not here to hurt me so why should I be scared of y’all ? A spider ? I don’t give a damn ! I always wanted to be Spider-Man. A Ghost ? Yea okay , I’ll boo back at you! I refuse to walk in fear. I’ll never be afraid again. I keep my armor on at all times. I’ll never be scared again. This world is all mines.

It was as if he had left his body. He could see himself shrinking in front of his eyes, a tunnel of darkness closing in around the fringes. All focus drawn to a single point. The computer screen.

With a throaty gasp he scrunched his eyes tight, forcing his attention back inside himself. He could feel his mind screaming, racing to escape and spill in every direction. He was dizzy and nauseous. The panic was setting in.

He opened his eyes and looked again at the email in front of him. The single picture it contained making his stomach churn, and his blood freeze. The text accompanying it simply stated.

‘If you want to see her again be at the corner of 5th. 11.30pm. Bring your phone.’

He looked into the terrified eyes of the woman on the screen. His wife, bound and gagged, stared desperately back at him.

11.10pm. He had 20 minutes.

He launched himself out of inaction, swaying as he made his way to the door. He felt drunk with despair and realised he was panting, mouth aimlessly gaping.

The stagger towards 5th was a blur, people crossed the street to avoid him as he lurched his way along the sidewalk. He was barely aware of anyone else, his body on autopilot, his energy focussed solely on keeping the searing panic at bay.

He reached the street corner, trembling. Eyes scanned the darkened streets frantically. No one approached.

His phone buzzed. A text. One sentence.

‘You know what we want, make the call’

He choked back a bitter sob, took a deep breath, and dialled.

Cold sweat soaked through the back of his shirt. Clammy palm clinging the phone to his ear. The phone rang for what felt like eternity. Then a voice.

The call was brief, the voice at the other end was angry, disbelieving.

‘But we’ve worked so hard on this John, you can’t pull support now.’

‘I’m sorry, Andrew’

Obscenities, threats, accusations followed. It was to be expected. But he had no choice. He hung up.

‘It’s done!’ He shouted, voice echoing around the high rise buildings. Silence.

Another buzz.

‘Behind you’

He turned as a nearby car’s lights flashed. Tentatively he approached, dread creeping up his spine, threatening to wash him away completely if he were to let it.

The vehicle was empty, no license plates, unmarked. He felt the dread wave rolling higher.

Buzz.

‘The trunk’

Hands shaking he shuffled around the car and reached for the latch. It opened with a soft click. The trunk rose to reveal his wife. Still bound, gagged and terrified. But very much alive.

He broke down, lifting her out of the trunk and clasping her to him. Body wracked with wrenching sobs.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry’ he whispered, it was all he could say.

He felt another buzz in his pocket. He could barely read the text through his tears.

‘Pleasure doing business with you Senator. We’ll be in touch.’

“The midnight train always takes you where you need to go, which isn’t always where you want to go.” That’s what was written on the ticket dad sent me.

The ride home lasts an hour. At this time of night there’s nobody here but me and the conductor. He stands behind a tinted window, where I slide my ticket for him to punch. I plop my bags in the back seat so that the conductor can’t find an excuse to talk to me. I’d rather not talk to anyone tonight.

As the train moves, the aisle lights grow dimmer until they’re as dark as the night. The sound of rain against the windows and the rumble of the engine don’t help me sleep. My hands are shivering and my back trembles. The train itself is pleasantly warm, but I’m still too cold to sleep. My heart thumps in my chest, as if it’s trying to start a fire inside me. Anything to warm me, but nothing. I only have an hour before I’m home.

I rummage around my bag to find anything that might keep me from freezing. Extra clothes or even a computer. It seems I’d abandoned everything important behind in my old dorm room. All I thought to carry were some papers and writing supplies. I checked my phone. Maybe I can call Debra to pick up my things. Thirty six new text messages from my dad. I turn off my phone. Right now, I’d rather not look.

I can feel the train slowing down. My heart races as I assume I’ve already made it home, but according to my watch only twenty four minutes have passed. The train becomes silent. The sound of the rain has stopped. I look outside the windows, white snowflakes fall gently. We still seem to be in the middle of nowhere. As I tread down the aisle to ask the conductor why we have stopped my shoes plop onto the snowy ground. The air has become freezing and dry. Confused, I quickly look around, but there’s nothing. Somehow, without notice, the train slipped out of existence. Nothing remains except tracks running through a white forest.

In the distance stands the conductor, who begins walking toward me. It’s still too dark to see his face as he speaks to me in a loud but chilled voice.

“The midnight train runs for people like you Milly. No matter where the train claims to go, this is the last stop.”

“What’s going on? I just want to go home!” I yell.

“No Milly.” he replies. “You’re too scared to go home. That’s why the train chose you. That’s why you’re here, with me.”

The conductor walked into the moonlight, and I saw his face for the first time in three years.

“Welcome home, Milly,” said my father.

Annie felt a little dizzy as she stepped out of the back entrance of the club, into a narrow and dark lit alley. This place really wasn’t her jam, but she had promised her best friend since kindergarten that she would attend her bachelorette party. Jilly was having a blast, dancing with all of her college friends and new coworkers. Annie tried her best not to be a downer, but as Jilly got more and more inebriated, she figured she might be able to slip away and get a breath of fresh air.

Annie shivered as she stared up at the night sky, wondering how much things in her life were about to change. After leaving their small town for college, she and Jilly had been drifting apart. Jilly made new friends and new interests, while Annie felt alone and scared of this big new city, so different from their home. And now Jilly was in love and about to start a family, and Annie would fall out of her life. She was happy for her, she was! Or she tried to be.

A quiet snapping sound from down the alley way, interrupted Annie’s reverie. She saw a dark shadow moving stealthily through the slight light, and she felt her heart rate begin to increase.

Suddenly the back entrance doorway was thrown open and she saw Jilly spill out into the alley.

“What the hell, Annie? You just ditch me, at my party!?” Jilly latched on to Annie’s arm, as she tumbled unsteadily in her heels.

“I’m sorry, Jills, I just needed some air. This, this is too much for me.” Jilly rolled her eyes.

“Everything is too much for you, Annie! You sit back and act like everything is just going to come to you like it did back at home. But this is the real world now. You need to start living! Reach out, grasp the joys to be had! You are so scared of everything! And it’s a kill joy! I’m getting married, and you’re supposed to be happy for me. Instead, you just think about yourself!” Jilly yelled, eyes flashing. She was always quick to anger. But Annie was scared- scared that she wouldn’t survive in this new world and life. She was scared that Jilly would move on from their friendship.

Suddenly, Jilly’s eyes grew large with surprise and she opened her mouth to shout, “look out!” Annie spun quickly in surprise to catch the hulking shadow from earlier move upon her, the light glinting off a sharp knife. Jilly pulled her close and knocked the knife out of his hand.

“You’ll always be my sister.” Jilly said as her fangs started to slide out of her mouth. Annie felt hers descend too as her right hand reached out to grab the man’s neck. They began to feed, and Annie forgot about her worries and the future.

She would always have Jilly. They were blood sisters. And Annie was no longer afraid.