So apparently there is this thing called a girl code but its never really spoken about its just an innate sense of knowing when to help out another girl whether she needs extra toilet paper in the restroom or a way out with a guy- I think I could be a girls girl but I thought those things just came naturally you know, and they should right because its not like some code defines girls who grow into women who made it up and is there a guy code because if there is it’s not spoken about outloud or something.

I really am sorry and I want you to be happy and I swear I’ll be better next time and I’m trying to smile for you and I’ll stop crying, I promise, it’s just that I am so, so tired all the time and it hurts to think and my head won’t stop spinning and I can’t concentrate and and it’s way too loud in here, but I know that’s not your fault and I would never blame you for anything and I’m really sorry for complaining, I’ll stop talking now, I know it only makes you upset, I’m sorry.

Forcing her way through the hot sea of sweaty drunks, a woman of the age of 22 with plenty of life before her thought to herself I must have had too much to be throwing up this early in the concert, all the while feeling another wave of nausea deep in her stomach begging to find a bathroom or trash can even, and to think, all she wanted to do was have a good time with her girlfriends when another irresponsible stranger forced one too many drinks in her mouth most likely in hopes of something happening later that night.

One number was stuck in his head, one number that seemed so far off yet he needed to reach it at any cost, in any way and fast; he needed 100 more steps to get there, to his home, to her, to the woman that kissed away his tears, who held him when everything felt like it couldn’t be worse, now it was his time to do it by himself, to save her from the monsters that hid beneath her hospital bed, he was taking no risks, no cracks were to be stepped on- no back breaking, just 100 steps.

The wolf’s eyes narrowed, he had smelt something, he looked around and saw it, a small rabbit silently grazing the grass, the wolf pounced but the rabbit saw and leaped away, the chase had started, trees rushed by the rabbits panic-stricken mind darting randomly left then right then right again, the wolf tracked the rabbit looking for any pattern any one that would end this, he found it, he jumped right blocking the rabbits escape the rabbit practically ran into his mouth, the wolf grinned, his hunt had left him high on adrenaline, he started to search for another.

One crisp autumn morning I woke up and vaguely remembered how much I needed to forget the past year of my life, to finally do something with the restless energy that had been building inside me, making me wobble between burning it all down and continuing to live another year exactly the same, showing up, doing the things expected of me, monotonously weaving around in my daily life, only to be deeply bewildered by exactly how and why I expected anything to be different without any change in my behavior, by complacency and blindness and lack of taste, of smell.